divorce!!!?

Question

my parents are getting a divorce. What should I do? Is it my fault?

Answer 1

It is never the child's fault. Parents make the decision because they decide it is best for the family. The court parts can be tough sometimes, but not always. I had a friend who at first was really upset about her parents divorce, but then she got to spend quality time with both parents - without the stress of the parents being upset with each other.

Things to do: Ask your parents for a counselor so you can have your own space to sort out your feelings about all this. It is typical for children with divorcing parents to go to therapy for at least a little while, so you can ask questions to a neutral person, and you can vent privately about the sadness and frustration that is a completely normal reaction.

You may be able to get a counselor through your school, but it may feel more private to go to a private counselor - the important thing is that you feel comfortable with your therapist - ask for another one if you just don't feel like it is a good space for you.

The things that a therapist can help you with is communication with your parents. You can flush out your concerns in private with your therapist and figure out ways to address difficult issues. One issue that comes up often in divorce is that parents sometimes talk badly about the other parent in front of their children. This is really hard on kids and some states actually make court orders that forbid parents from doing that. I understand the reason for the court order is that a child identifies as 50% of one parent and 50% of the other - so if a parent says bad things about the other parent, it is very much like saying bad things about 50% of the child, and it can be hurtful.

You can't be the parent to your parents, though. It is also common that children try to act 'adultified' and fix or mediate things between their parents - but that is seen as unhealthy, too. That is why a therapist is important - they can be the adult and you can ask them to help you express your concerns, and they can explain the technical psychology to your parents.

Often court orders also forbid parents from asking the child to pass messages to the other parent - that puts the child in the middle, and kids are supposed to be left out of the middle. A therapist can help by suggesting ways for your parents to communicate without having to go through you.

Another thing that might help is to keep a journal - somewhere to vent your emotions so you don't re-think the same thing over and over. You can make notes about things you want to talk about with your therapist in a journal as well.

The most frustrating thing may be that it is up to the court to decide whatever your parents cannot agree on. You might get your own court advocate (GAL) to explain the process to you if that happens. Many divorces get settled in mediation, not court - visit schedules, vacation schedules, things like that.

The most important thing is to take care of yourself. If there is a teacher you trust, you can talk to them too. It is important that you have support people just for you and you can talk to your school about how to get support during this time.

Answer 2

It's not your fault. It's never the children's fault that the parents just don't want to be together anymore. There is nothing you can do, it happens to most kids and you will get through it.

Answer 3

Defintely not your fault. They still love you. But they feel they cannot live together anymore.

This is their decision. A divorce is better than a conflicted marriage in lots of cases. You do not want to see them quarrelling and hating each other days and nights.

You will understand more when you grows older.

Be strong.

Answer 4

NO it's not your fault. That should be the last thing that should ever come to mind. There could be something missing in your parents relationship or that flame they once had could've died out. But you should never feel that you've done something wrong to cause the problem because you're their baby and the last thing they would ever want to do is to point the blame at someone they brought to the world. Ask BOTH PARENTS what's going on and stay informed so that you could prepare yourself for what will happen after the divorce is official. At the most it really depends on the situation and the how your parents truly feel about it. But i'm sure you will be okay!

Answer 5

OH GOSH, NO, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

THIS IS BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE WHO HAVE A PROBLEM AND IT IS NOT YOU. LET THEM HANDLE IT.

SINCE THEY ARE GETTING A DIVORCE AND THAT IS SETTLED, STAY BACK AND LOVE THEM BOTH.
AS YOUR MOM AND DAD. THEY WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR MOM AND DAD NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK.

BUT MOST OF ALL NO IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

Answer 6

Never think it is your fault. Let your parents decide. Let them figure it out. But tell them how you feel about this. My parents split when i was 6 mos. so i really did not know my dad. But you probably have a great relationship with him. Have a family dinner and tell them how it feels to see this happen to your family.

Answer 7

You are no way in that episode, you can stop them getting divorced.

Make them realise that another girl/boy is the same for everything.

Problems come in every ones life and for every new episode there will be new problem which will be there in.

So, getting divorce is not the solution, but helping each other, excusing each other and loving each other is prominent and permanent solution.

Answer 8

I'm sorry your parents are getting a divorce. Rest assured that it is not your fault. Some kids are so difficult that they put a strain on a marriage that otherwise wouldn't be there - but even so, that is not what causes a divorce. People simply have to deal with the stresses of life and stay together. If they find they can't, then they do end up divorcing. You probably know that divorce is common; that doesn't mean it's easier for you to understand. Talk to both of your parents and tell them that you want to know they are both there for you, just like you will continue to love both of them. It's scary but you will get through it fine. You'll probably spend more time alone with each parent after the divorce and that will be an interesting time for you. You'll see them differently, as adults instead of Mom and Dad. They, on the other hand, will always love you because you are their child.

Answer 9

try to condition its not your fault at all they choose it and they are mature enough to decide what is better for them!!

Answer 10

It is never your fault.