2 yrs ago I was working at a market place. I was 17 and my manager was 28. He has been married for 8 yrs. At the time that I started to work there he was having problems with his wife and was currently living on his own. About 6 months in to working there he made a move while taking me home. Ever since then we have been seeing each other. After being together for four months things got complicated, his wife didn't want a divorce and she would treated him with not being able to see his son. So he ended up moving back in with his family. A couple of months after that I had a boyfriend and things seemed fine. I dated this guy for 2 months and he crushed my heart. I hung out with my manager on night because I just needed someone to talk to that cared about me... and we ended up hooking up again. Ever since then we have been seeing each other for about two years. He is still with his wife. But tells me he loves me. I have fallin deeply for him. I don't know what to do...
2007-12-30 19:59:17 · 15 answers · asked by Tina 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i was 17 two years ago. I turn 20 in Feb.
2007-12-30 20:21:55 · update #1
Look, you may not be able to keep from falling for the wrong guy, but you can control how you act. If you were happy and content and at ease with your conscience about being "the other woman" you would not be on here asking for advice. The truth is that this guy is not going to leave his wife for you. And then, what if he did leave his wife for you? Would you be happy knowing that in a few years, there would be some other young woman on the side? This is his pattern of behavior - you can't change it.
What you can change is your own behavior. If you are not happy this way, then end the relationship. Maybe you fear being alone, and yet you fear being in a truly committed relationship - and that is why you have allowed yourself to be "the other woman" for so long. It's safe. You are in a relationship, so you are not alone. Yet at the same time, you know this guy won't demand as much of you, as someone who could be fully committed to you and expect you to be fully committed to him.
2007-12-30 20:18:50 · answer #1 · answered by Windi Lea 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Run away from him....don't walk....don't pass Go don't collect the $200 .....if he truly cared for you he wouldn't wait for the times when you were the most vulnerable...do you still want to be used like a klenexx.......he wouldn't be playing w/ you and his wife....he's having his cake and ice cream.....
2007-12-30 21:24:02 · answer #2 · answered by sgt_kramus 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes we fall for the wrong men because we are without thought recreating our past. Theres a very good book you should read that will help you better understand why falling in love with the wrong man means suffering. it really helped me!
Its called "Women who love too much" by Robin Norwood
2007-12-30 21:14:58 · answer #3 · answered by rapg6262 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sorry he is using you only break up its better for you
Bye
2007-12-30 21:02:11 · answer #4 · answered by Heaven 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know what to do - you have to break up with someone who keeps you on a string while he lives with his family. He's doing the right thing by keeping his family together; you're doing the wrong thing by continuing to give him sex on the side. Of course it feels great. It's totally commitment-free recreational sex for him and it makes you feel good too. But imagine yourself 15 years from now: all your friends are married and have husbands and homes and families. You are living alone, still screwing this married guy and probably raising the illegitimate child you obtained from that sexual relationship. You have conflict after conflict because you're still his 'side' of sex and he's the only man you are allowed to have in your life. And he hasn't even given you his name or any legitimacy to your child/children. And you're struggling financially.
That the picture you want to see in your crystal ball? Then get out of the relationship now. It's not going to be easier because he dumps you. So very nicely get out of the relationship, don't keep in touch (it's too bad but you're going to have to change your job just to get away from all the opportunities to be the sexual entertainment for him).
You say that he cares about you. There will come a time when you need him desperately and you won't be allowed to talk to him because it threatens to disrupt his homelife. You will always be skulking around in the background, taking crumbs he gives you. When you really need emotional support, you better hope you can exchange sex for it because that is the deal he has with you.
Tell him it's over and start dating as many guys as you can just to get out there and show that you are available. Stay away from married men. If you need to, join an dating service like Match.com or something that will get you out there dating every single weekend. Just get busy, change jobs and move on. Do it now. It doesn't get easier.
2007-12-30 20:19:28 · answer #5 · answered by kathyw 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What I can say to you is don't listen to those that tell you about your age differences with him because love can come between two people of any age ranges. It is not that you are falling in love with the wrong guys, it is just how weak our heart is for certain things that people do or say to us. Everyone is weak when it comes to love, when we need someone to be there for us, it doesn't matter who they are, as long as they are there for that moment that we need them. For some reason, that moment that they stayed with us meant so much to us that it gets hard to let that person go. A girlfriend/boyfriend can change anytime while you guys are dating but their heart won't change, meaning that they can ACT like they love you but their HEARTS are always going to be playing you or messing with you. There are only a few that you will find that really loves you and want to be with you, and when those people come around, their actions will say it all. You'll also have to understand that since your manager is still married, there is always going to be another woman involved in his life, as long as you are fine with that and it doesn't bother you then it is OK, but think for the long run OK. If it has been so long and they still haven't divorced then there has to be something. If he wanted to divorce his wife then he can do it whenever he wants because his hands are not tied. Just try not to fall in love with a MARRIED man, please, those moments are not good at all. If the wife wanted to, she can always find ways to make both of your lives miserable. Your manager has a choice to file for divorce or not, but most importantly, find out why him and his wife separated(the truth) because if it was his fault then you never know if he will do that to you too. Be careful because usually when you ask only one person that was in the relationship, questions about why they split, they always try to make it sound like it was the other persons fault even if it was theirs, unless they are really honest. Look into his eyes and you'll know if he is lying or not because he will not look at you if he was lying. Hopefully this answers your question. Take care and good luck.
2007-12-30 20:18:09 · answer #6 · answered by Nikki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT WANT TO BE CRUEL BUT? THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE SAID.
YOU ARE HIS SECOND BEST. IF YOU ARE HAPPY AS A MISTRESS THEN THAT IS YOUR CALL. IF YOU DO NOT WANT A MARRIAGE OTHER THEN A LIFE OF CONVIENCE YOU HAVE IT.
SOUNDS LIKE HE HAS HIS CAKE AND PIE BOTH ON THE SAME PLATTER WHEN HE WANTS IT.
WHEN A DIVORCE DOES TAKE PLACE ARE YOU READY TO BE PUT ON THE STAND IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE COURT ROOM AND BE ASKED WHAT WAS YOUR INVOLVEMENT WITH THIS MAN?
WAKE UP LADY? YOUR 19-20 BY NOW AND HAVE A FULL LIFE AHEAD OF YOU. MOVE AWAY FROM HIM DISTANCE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU ARE 45 AND STILL GOING NO WHERE.
2007-12-30 20:17:26 · answer #7 · answered by ahsoasho2u2 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tina, get away from this guy. You are wasting your life away. This is like an addiction for you. If you can't get away from him, you need to go get some help. He is using you. You may think his wife is the only one he would lie to. If so, you are wrong. Good married men don't make passes at 17 year-old girls. Don't squash your opportunity for real love by staying with this man. You are wasting your life away and squandering your chance for real happiness. Get away from him, and stay away from him or years from now you will look back and see all the years you wasted, and you will be a sad, bitter woman.
2007-12-30 20:13:03 · answer #8 · answered by Cookie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I honestly think you should've never given him a chance to begin with but now that you did you should definetly break up with him because he's using you. If he really loved you he wouldn't still be with his wife. If he wanted to be with you he would've gotten a divorce and fought for his son and just got with you and devoted himself to you. But right now he's kinda cheating on you too because he's still with his wife and youre not the only one in his life. So you should pull it together, do what's best for you and break up with him and just end everything and you will recover trust me, just give it time.
2007-12-30 20:12:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do feel for you but"'
If you want to have crumb's then stay , if you have value of you'r life then step away and keep on going look for the one waiting for you.
2007-12-30 20:09:57 · answer #10 · answered by lytesdelite 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋