We have been married for 9 yrs with 3 kids. Last Nov15 my wife said something was wrong; Our marriage was in crisses! She wanted time apart so I left the house to a campground in Dec..By Dec.5 she said "I dont Love you no more" We went to 2 counciling sessions then she said " I want a DIVORCE" I tried everything to save my marriage but couldnt.I was so lonely and grieving for my wife it was like a nitemare.By Dec.24 I gave up I met a woman n I had an affair.I was lonely & hurting grieved for my wife! April comes & my wife is pregnet!She said she didnt Love this guy it just sex! I told her lets get back together & I'll do whatever it takes! 7mos I put her thur HELL cause I felt she wasnt being honest.I found out 5mos ago she had been talkin & texin this guy constantly since last Sept even more durin our time of crisses She says that she didnt cheat until I cheated. I'm findin that hard to believe. I LOVE my wife I do want to save my marriage I just want her to be truthful. any advice!
2007-12-30 19:42:57 · 15 answers · asked by sean 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow. I hope your three kids are okay.
2007-12-30 19:47:37 · answer #1 · answered by Katie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are excusing your behaviour and not taking full responsibility. Your wife is excusing her behaviour and not taking full responsibility. And now you are so focused on this one aspect. What difference does it really make if she cheated before you cheated or not? Have you had any reason to think she's being untruthful in other ways? If not, let it go. Or better yet, go see a counsellor.
2007-12-31 09:10:07 · answer #2 · answered by glurpy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you both are at fault here and you both don't trust each other. Without trust there is no relationship. You said you already tried counseling and that didn't work so it's either you live the rest of your life this way, miserable or you let your wife go and if it's meant to be then things will be.
2007-12-31 06:49:38 · answer #3 · answered by LC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is just one hell of a mess...isn't it? Both of you need to stop pointing fingers and blaming each other for all the mess you've created. Both of you need to sit down and talk and figure out where you want to be with all this. Unless both of you speak from the heart and are totally honest you'll get nowhere. You have 3 kids now and one on the way. You sir...are the one who has to suck it up the most. Can you love this child that's on the way as if it were your own? If not...you know where this is going. If you feel it's not in you then you need to move on. You say that you'll do whatever it takes...well...here's your chance to put your money where your mouth is. Learn to forgive. It's a huge pill to swallow but unfortunately when cheating is involved by one or the other that's when we really find out if we truly love or not. Good luck...it's going to be a long hard road. Oh ya..one last thing. Stop putting your wife through hell...both of you have been there and back...learn to love her again.
2007-12-31 06:00:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of who cheated first, two wrongs don't make a right. She's been lying to you for who knows how long. She'll probably never be truthful. The only thing you can do is you have to decide if you'd be able to handle being married to your wife and take the chance of putting up with lies whole time. You need to go back to counseling.
2007-12-31 04:46:21 · answer #5 · answered by T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The whole thing is hopelessly messed up.
End the marraige and PLEASE get a vasectomy!
2007-12-31 04:21:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
IT IS ONE THING IF YOU LOVE HER. BUT LOVE IS A TWO WAY HIGHWAY. IT WILL TAKE BOTH OF YOU TO BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER.
SOME OTHER THOUGHTS ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID ARE OF SOME CONCERN TO ME:
IS THIS NEW CHILD YOURS OR THIS OTHER GUYS?
HOW IS THIS GOING TO AFFECT YOU EVERY TIME YOU SEE THIS CHILD? (IF IT IS NOT YOURS?)
IF SHE DID NOT CHEAT WHY DID SHE WANT A SEPARATION, THE COUNSELING AND A DIVORCE?
WAS THE DIVORCE EVER DECREED? THIS MEANS YOU WERE NOT MARRIED AND DID NOT CHEAT ON HER?
THERE ARE A LOT OF GAPS HERE THAT YOU BOTH NEED TO MEND BEFORE YOU CAN PUT IT ALL TOGETHER OR KEEP IT APART.
I GOT A SEPARATION FROM MY WIFE OF 15 YEARS. WENT BACK ON A RECONCILIATION FOR 3 YEARS. ONLY TO DIVORCE IN THE END. REMARRIED 3 YEARS LATER AND BEEN MARRIED 25 YEARS NOW??
ONLY YOU TWO CAN WORK IT OUT OR SPLIT THE SHEETS FOREVER. IT IS YOUR CALL?
2007-12-31 04:09:15 · answer #7 · answered by ahsoasho2u2 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your wife that you two have to give counseling a committed chance - that is, you two have to see a marriage counselor until you have decided to trust and love each other and stay together or else you will both understand the reasons the marriage can't last. Then do it. If you KNOW your wife was texting and talking to a guy constantly, that is one thing that the two of you will be discussing in front of a counselor. Probably that person will remind you that texting is not having sex. When your wife was having sex, that is when she and you were really going your separate ways. Now she wants to be back together with you and she is pregnant with another man's child? Well, that man is going to be in that child's life because he or she is going to want to know his biological father. Maybe that biological father is a real *** and that is why your wife is now back with you. These are all issues that need to be hashed out with a real commitment to reconciliation and guidance from a marital counselor who will help sort out the lying from the truth-telling. Good luck!
2007-12-31 03:57:25 · answer #8 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is why I refuse to get married...Good luck stop making this a big deal...you were no saint either.
2007-12-31 03:55:45 · answer #9 · answered by CECELY M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh boy! this is a tough one...dont know what to tell you.
2007-12-31 03:50:47 · answer #10 · answered by whatthehell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, this marriage seems beyond repair. The Bottom Line: she's not in love with you anymore. Whether it had to do with another guy or not doesn't matter because she doesn't love you. I know it is a very painful thing to say, but she told you how she felt. One person's love isn't enough to make up for the other one's lack of love. Move on, take some time to heal yourself--maybe even therapy to get you through this, and then find some wonderful woman who will appreciate you. Don't get hung up on one person. No one is worth your self-esteem.
2007-12-31 03:50:00 · answer #11 · answered by HannaRN 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋