we've been together almost 6yrs & have a beautiful daughter and for the past year we're drifting apart. i don't feel the same way for him anymore. we never kiss and sex? i would say we go weeks without it :( he smokes(weed)-i don't, he's a homebody-i'm not, he gets his freedom yet i don't, i'm not happy. i tried to leave because of the name calling and the disrespect, but couldn't because i didn't want to break up our fam. & because he promised everything was going to change. i don't want our daughter to grow up around all that...i feel stuck. i know better but don't know how to go about it. is how i feel a good enough reason to leave? i really don't want to end up like my parents :( sad but that's how i see us ending up--NO LOVE, JUST IN IT FOR THE KIDS.
am i just being selfish?
2007-12-30 18:23:23 · 8 answers · asked by me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
don't get me wrong he is a great father and he himself grew up without one...
2007-12-30 18:53:05 · update #1
A marriage is not a marriage if your only staying for the kids. Kids see everything! They'll think that your relationship between the two of you is normal and healthy and they will base their future relationships on it. The only one that can answer if it's "a good enough reason to leave" is you. Are you that miserable? Have you tried everything possible (counseling, etc) to help your marriage? Don't rush into making a decision that you might regret later on. If you believe that you can leave with out any regrets and not care at all about what happens then by all means go, but if you have any doubt at all in your mind or heart stay and try to work things out.
2007-12-30 19:10:28 · answer #1 · answered by T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can relate with you... it's so sad that marriages don't always last for our whole lifetime... we all hold on to the idea that when we marry, we marry our partner for always. The sad truth is, people change, circumstances change..our realities change. The hardest part of it all is coming to the realisation that you do not love your husband anymore, and that you need to leave the marriage if you are to find any happiness for yourself. And then actually LEAVING. I know you are a good mother, because you want to stay in this loveless marriage for the sake of your children, but you must remember, your children will not be happy if you and your husband is not happy either. Find your own happiness first, and your children will benefit from the 'new happy you', I promise you.
2007-12-30 18:44:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the first thing to consider is the weed smoking and your daughter. You are ABSOLUTELY right in not wanting her to be around that. I think that is grounds for leaving. Seek some counseling and if he really wants to change, he will go too.
The breaking point of my relationship was both emotional and verbal abuse as well as an affair on his part. I hated to break the family, but I did what was best for both my children and I. You are still human and you also have to consider yourself. Drug addiction is a legitimate grounds for divorce. Follow your instinct and protect yourself and your child.
Kerri
2007-12-30 18:45:16 · answer #3 · answered by Kerri P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you've reached the breaking point of the relationship and you're wanting someone else to tell you it's OK to call it quits. IT'S OK. If you're miserable, then get out of it. Staying together for the "sake of the kids" is bullsh*t. Kids deserve HAPPY parents, and Parents deserve to be HAPPY. You only have one life, and it's short... even shorter if you're miserable. BE HAPPY.
2007-12-30 18:31:00 · answer #4 · answered by labor nurse 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would have left the first time the idiot called me names...
you really could set some personal boundaries.. don't allow him to treat you like crap. you can do a yahoo search for SETTING PERSONAL BOUNDARIES. there are websites with loads of information and self-help... personal boundaries are all about self-preservation.
breaking up your family is the least of your worries... you deserve a good life, why live in misery?
loads of couples are complete opposites, but they still do things together and practice respect and compassion toward each other.
your guy is a creep
2007-12-30 18:29:27 · answer #5 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you already gave up on him, and as a result your relationship. and you know what that means......start packing up your stuff and get on out of there.
you're right, it's not the ideal environment for your child to grow up in. and i'm sure you wouldn't want your child to think that this is what having a loving relationship is all about. set the example for her, and do what is necessary for both of you.
2007-12-30 18:32:36 · answer #6 · answered by celticbuddha 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get together and rediscover what started this thing 6 years ago. Perhaps consider counseling.
If its as bad as you say and all else has truly failed, move on.
2007-12-30 18:28:23 · answer #7 · answered by MHnurseC 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your not being selfish at all....it is very hard to leave a family type situation. you have to know your worth, and know that your happiness is what matters, because if your not happy, then how can you make someone else happy. Give yourself a chance to see thing through on your own, you would be surprised on how well you do.
best of luck
2007-12-30 19:24:24 · answer #8 · answered by mizzbee1975 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋