he would tell me he doesn't know when he wants to get married. I learned not to depend on him because he would not be there for me when I needed him. I've always been there for him because I wanted to. Well my phone just got turned off and he is pissed at me because I didn't ask him for the money. I didn't want to ask him because I didn't want to feel like I owe him anything. Now he's talking about marriage and I'm getting cold feet, because I don't want to have to depend on anyone and he get pissed if I don't ask for help. I love him. I'm just used to just being there for him not the other way around. It's strange to me to have to ask him for money. I feel like I want to get married but sometimes I just want to be alone.
2007-12-30 18:22:29 · 8 answers · asked by hanna 1 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
You are all over the place here. First you say you learned not to depend upon him, then he comes through for you- in a big way, now you don't want it? I'm confused and so are you. Wait to marry anyone until you know in your head AND heart you think it will work for LIFE. That's what is you know- marriage I mean.
2007-12-30 18:43:31 · answer #1 · answered by 8 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have been taking money from him? Why can't you try to be independent of him or as you said yourself,, not depend on anyone for your living. You have mentioned marriage and it is possible he may be seroius now that you cut him off, or were cut off because you have not paid the phone bill. I suggest contact him and tell him you need to seriously thinkn about continuing your relationship with him. If he is upset because you won't follow what he wants and as you also have mentioned,, you have been there for him,, but then there is the other way of seeing it... He has been there for you for financial support so NO, SORRY TO BREAK IT TO YOU BUT he has also been there for you. I don't know your ages,, but marriage is a very serious institution or it should be and of course you know the divorce rate is very high because we gnerally don't take it serious with 100 percent conviction,, never mind the devotion, commitment, faithfulness, etc. Trust me on this one,, I have been there,, done that and am now divorced,, why? because I felt for so many years that I was being taken for granted and by the way,, she filed for separation four years before I asked for the divorce and now it has been a year since the divorce and she is ready to take me back,,, but you know,, that is not the way it will work with us. So if you love this man unconditionally,, then think marriage. Another thing you may be interested is in getting married,, getting married may be more important to you than who you are married to,, depending on your age and how important marriage is to you. Trust me on this one, also, there are people out there who are married and being married is more important to them than the fact that they are married to a particular person. And yes it is fact, that women are usually the first to want to get married before the man is ready to get married,, especially when the woman reaches a certain age,, something about their biological clock. back to you,,, Yes be indiependent,, do whatever it takes to be your own person and respect yourself,,take care of yourself, your health, your life and you may see one day that there is a special man for you, someone who will love you as much or even more than you will love him,, and it does happen. Surely if you think about some of the couples you know,, you can see examples of what I have mentioned. What you know or who you know may not be who you will be. You just have to have faith in yourself. Good luck to you both because he is also going to need it to adjust to whatever you two do in your relationship.
2007-12-31 02:44:40 · answer #2 · answered by jorge e 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Did eithier parent of you divorce ? Maybe thats why you both have mixed feelings about marriage. Why not do away with it, many modern couples just keep cohabiting. Its important to keep an open mind to new things, gay rights abortion cohabitation.
2007-12-31 07:34:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In marraige, both partners lean on each other and support each other, they are there for one another.
In marraige, it's not and shouldn't be that way where a person has concerns about owing their partner anything.
Marraige is about love, not a business proposition.
If you are having doubts, it is wisest to wait rather than marry and have any regrets.
2007-12-31 07:12:14 · answer #4 · answered by Shivers 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Admit the truth ...
You are running low on cash, and magically are considering marriage to a man who has cash. It must be *love*. aha ah ahahaha haha
No problem, you are typical of most women.
2007-12-31 04:56:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This guy isnt right for you and I think you know it. The feelings you are having are stemming from your frustration due to the mixed signals he has sent you. Suddenly your only good enough to marry when you're over a barrel so to speak? Sounds like a control freak. Of course I could be wrong!
2007-12-31 03:29:54 · answer #6 · answered by Bonzai Betty 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know just how you feel. I've been dating my guy for almost two years, and I was first to bring up serious commitment- but then later I began to shy away from the idea. Now he's talking about commitment, and honestly, the thought scares me a bit. I, like you, would like to reach a state of independence before I commit to something shared. I want to feel like I can pull my own weight. That's important to me. I want to be viewed as an equal, and to be viewed that way I feel I need to be able to support myself without his help. Perhaps once I reach this goal, the thought of commitment will not be as scary. But for now, I'm not ready. And it sounds to me like you may not be ready, either. There's nothing wrong with that. You seem to be giving great thought to the seriousness of commitment, and in so doing, if it takes longer to get "there" then that's o.k. Because once you make a decision, you'll be more likely to stick to it. There's no sense hurrying into anything if you're not sure.
Good luck to you!
2007-12-31 03:23:10 · answer #7 · answered by It's Ms. Fusion if you're Nasty! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you get married, it is like 2 minds and hearts mold. It's not about being independent, it's about you both being there for each other when you don't have anyone else in the world. If I had a husband, if there was anything I needed I would not hesitate to ask him for it because I married him before God and he is suposted to provide for me. And vice versa. If you can't depend on him it does not seem like he will be a good husband. And it seems like you are not ready to be a wife. It seems like your relationship is really one sided. When one person just takes and takes and you just give and give, you end up empty. I think you have a lot to think about. You need to do a little more maturing before thinking about marriage. Pray about it. God will take care of you.
2007-12-31 03:11:11 · answer #8 · answered by rashida_16 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋