how do i tell her?

Question

i dont wanna hurt her feelings nor be a bad friend, but i want to at least tell her some things. but how do i telll her these things?
-she overdoes her makeup
-her crush doesn't really love her back
-that she isnt older than she really is
-she is a bad singer
-her clothes fit too tight (chubby friend :( )
-that whatserface isn't a real friend
-she is not a celebrity
-she thinks her crush is into overdone dark makeup but hes not

-she wears tight clothes and she wears WAAAAAAY too much makeup because she thinks her crush likes it he does'nt.

PS- shes 10 years old!

Answer 1

Reading your question, a few ideas came up and I wanted to bring them up, but it requires some elaboration and it's a lot for these yahoo answers. Just as a precautionary note: it's so hard to interpret tone over the internet, but please know that even if you feel defensive reading this, my intentions aren't to judge you or make you feel bad in anyway. A lot of people struggle with this desire to "correct" the behavior of their friends, so it's really a good that you brought it up, even though I'm going to respond to your question without "answering" it.

It seems to me that a lot of your points are subjective. For instance, you say her clothes are "too" tight and that she "overdoes" her make-up. According to whom? To you; but apparently not to her. She likes how she does her makeup, or else she wouldn't do it that way.

You seem really bothered by a lot of the things you've mentioned here, but one of the points I'm trying to make is that it isn't your friend that is botherSOME as much as you are botherED. The fact that these things bother you is much more about YOU than it is about your friend. So you should ask yourself, what is it about ME that allows these things to bother me? I'm not saying that they "shouldn't" bother you, and I'm not judging you, even, for being bothered by them. Privately, though, I think you should really consider this question and see what you discover about yourself.

Most people have friends that wear too much make-up, and some of them could lose some weight, and some are foolishly romantic, etc.

But part of being a friend means accepting a person for her flaws. I'm not saying there's no room for suggestions. What I mean is, your thoughts should come from a place of love and acceptance. If your friend has aspects about her life she wants to improve, that's awesome that you want to be supportive of her; however, dwelling on her flaws (whether she recognizes them as such or not is irrelevant) isn't healthy for either of you.

I must note, though, that some of the issues you mentioned do seem to come from a place of genuine concern, like the fact that her crush doesn't really love her back, or that whatsherface isn't a real friend.

My guess is that you just want to save your friend from the pain and embarrassment that you PERCEIVE will result from her choices. To reiterate, once again, your perception of her behavior/choices/dress/whatever, and the result of those, (i.e., "she wears too much make up and her crush doesn't like that, so he won't like her" even as far as "and then she'll be upset and I don't want to have to deal with that") are based on your subjective opinion. But what's true for you may not be true for her, so another important issue is learning to tolerate the decisions of others and not inflicting our own sets of ideas onto someone else, even if we think it's for her benefit.

Why don't you try channeling that concern for her into more positive expressions, like reinforcing her sense of a support system, or affirming her positive characteristics? I think if you tried that, both of you would feel a lot better, and maybe you won't feel so bothered by those things.

I hope all of this helps.

Answer 2

You can do either one of two things; give her hints (though she might already know...actually, she SHOULD already know) or let the truth smack her right in the face if she decides not to listen to you. She's living a lie, everything will catch up to her...it all just depends how long she wants to avoid the lie.

Worry about yourself; your life is more important than hers. Maybe that's just the way she is - you cannot win a lost cause.

Answer 3

Well first off, I suggest you stop bundling up feelings of all sorts. I am no therapist, but these things take time and if you do decide to tell your friend, I suggest it happens for time.
For instance, everyday you want to tell her her flaws, simply use her as an example. Take a picture or use friends as support. People see themselves different then others.

Answer 4

If you are her friend then tell her the truth. That's just like you see some one with a bugger in their nose and you let them walk around with it showing instead of telling them, would you want this to happen to you? So just be for real and let her know

Answer 5

Your friend already knows these things.. let her do what she likes and have her dreams... i'm sure you do.

Other people's thoughts, inability to sing, weight, choices of friends are not life-altering experiences for you.

Just take care of your own stuff.

Answer 6

Harsh.. eh I don't know. I would'nt tell her those things, let her figure them out her self. Give her Suggestions & hints.