My husband was sentenced to 15 years in jail for a drug sell charge. He is begging me not to leave him. i asked him time and time to stop and i do love him. he has never been before, but has had chances to stop! He has been on probation and house arrest, and still continued after i begged him. He probably won't serve all 15, i don't know. He is not a bad guy just made bad choices!! I am so confused. Please Help!!!! I don't want to do congegul visits, that is just not something i see myself doing though he begs me and says as his wife i am obligated. i have seriously thought about just getting out because the sitiuation is stressing me! BAD!
Plus i am not financially able to keep sending money and paying for the HIGH phone bills! woul i be wrong to leave him while he is at his lowest and really needs me! and yes i do have kids, but not with him... please help! oh yea he did cheat some when he was out and i forgave/ so do i stick through this also. considering my vows. pleeeaase help!
2007-12-30 17:08:15 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are as responsible as he is (but are not in jail). You knew of his drug involement and the consequences as well.
Maybe, you should be in jail as well. Don't mock the forum by asking for opinions and consideration to your vows and for help. "Did you ask for help when you were in silence - consenting and reaping benefits from "ill-gotten" gains"?
This might be the beginning for BOTH you and "hubby's" maturity, but stop playing the innocent role --- you are not innocent.
2007-12-30 18:21:51 · answer #1 · answered by bucit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't look at right or wrong here when it comes to leaving or staying... you need to do WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU.
First of all, you are married to a drug dealer.. plain and simple. Do you really want that? I'm sure he does drugs, too... Do you really want THAT?
And he cheated before... get a grip! he will likely do it again when he gets the chance....
You are not obligated to have sex with your husband if you don't feel comfortable or dont feel like it... it's not a "requirement" it's a show of love... So, if you feel going to visit him in jail for sex is embarrassing, annoying or just plain dumb, don't do it! I wouldn't, that's for sure.
You can take some time to consider this.. Let him know that you will only be able to pay for X number of calls a month or week -- whatever you can afford... and leave it at that. I'm sure he knows you don't have an endless pit with cash coming out of it.
Perhaps you could consider setting some personal boundaries and taking care of YOU. Personal boundaries are all about self preservation.
You can find out more about Setting Personal Boundaries if you do a Yahoo search.. i hope you will.. there are many good websites which will help you learn to set boundaries in your life.
I wouldn't want to be married to your husband... jail is bad enough but cheating? And your vows obviously mean nothing to him -- he cheated, he is in jail for doing illegal things, and now he says you're obligated to have sex with him (i dont think so!).
take care of YOU.. i can't say that enough.
2007-12-30 17:19:25 · answer #2 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's over. You are not OBLIGATED to do anything because of his screw ups, least of all going to jail so that he can "get some". He wanted to do the crime, let him do the hard time too... no sex. He shouldn't expect you to stay with him through 15 years of doing time for somthing he did, and since it seems like he's been in trouble before, he may run right back into the big house for something else when he gets out. Some criminals get instituionalized and start to get used to 3 hots and a cot everyday. My suggestion is run like the wind and find yourself a steady law abiding citizen to make you happy.
2007-12-30 17:38:36 · answer #3 · answered by Corgis4Life 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to Alanon meetings. There is a bunch of support there for people who are mixed up with users and abusers.
Do not make any hasty decisions. Wait, he did not think about you and you are in a rut now. Yes, make a decision.
How about seperation until he cleans his act up and shows some change. Drugies do not change over night. Keep that in mind.
You have to think about you and if there is kids then them too. You didnt sign up to be with a junky and all his drama when you married right? I know that they say for better or for worse but that is up to you what that really means. I think that for worse like that you should seperate. Unless you want all the drama that junky is going to have in his drug life, like congegul visits.
Remember he put himself there.
YOu could just carry on with your life and when he is ready to join you, then you could re-unit.
2007-12-30 17:19:02 · answer #4 · answered by beachgirl90 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not worth your love, life and father to your children. He says you're obligated to him because of your vows - did he think of you and your children before getting into this problem - NO. Woman get out right now of that relationship and don't ever get back because old habits die hard. Move on with your life - you owe it to yourself.
You did your part in begging him not to do it. As for him being in jail, he should have expected that - the end result of being inconsiderate and cheating on you. MOVE ON with your life.
2007-12-30 17:17:52 · answer #5 · answered by Black Rose 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry, I would like to help
BUT I JUST CAN'T FIX STUPID!!!!
Not his kids and you are paying the high phone bill? What is that taking away from YOUR kids? He is a drug dealer and a convict. Along with that he says your are "OBLIGATED" to visit him for sex. I would say you are not obligated to anything you don't want to. You can get laid anytime and so can he.(he just has to do it with a man)
2007-12-30 17:40:12 · answer #6 · answered by baseballdad69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wake up! Routinely making bad choices makes him a bad guy. He cheated, and will again...inside. Do you want to do him after he has been doing guys for 6 or 7 years? Get a divorce, and leave him. He already left you by going to jail.
2007-12-30 17:18:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well teh problem lies with him because you kept telling him to stop adn he wouldn't and now he's in jail and wants you to be with him. But best thing if the stress is too much just send him a Dear John letter and move on without him. But if you need to caht just IM me anytime
2007-12-30 17:24:14 · answer #8 · answered by John S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow sounds to me like he made his bed now he can lay in it...Im sorry but his decision sentenced you as well as his self...I wouldnt wait on him. Even if he doesnt do the whole 15 yrs he will have to do half of it...Do u want to be lonley for all those years...He knew the risk and took it anyways with no worries about you and ur kids..Now who will help raise your children and support you. I say he did it to his self..
2007-12-30 17:14:40 · answer #9 · answered by cajungirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he really cared for you, he would not have put himself in this position. He's lied, cheated, and put your own reputation on the line. In seven years he's not going to be the same man.
He's made his own decisions, I believe you should move on and not let him drag you down. Good Luck.
2007-12-30 17:28:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋