I feel like an idiot !! How can i undo what i did??

Question

I 've been in contact with a guy i dated years ago. Even though it's harmless chit chat, i've started having these feelings. The thing is...i'm married and he's single. I told him that i couldn't chat anymore for obvious reasons. Then, like a fool, i decided i still wanted to keep in contact once in a while and sent him another message telling him that i would like to stay in touch. My husband knows i keep in touch with old friends, but i didn't think i'd end up feeling this way. I'm a very committed and loyal person and didn't see the harm in contacting each other from time to time. I guess i got caught up in nostalgia and some of the fun we had.Now i think i made things worse. I honestly want to put a block on our messages for good, but can't bring myself to do so. I'm dreading the response that i get from him, if any. I'm hoping he decides to block me and not want to stay in touch. What did i do?? Be gentle...

Answer 1

I think the thing may be to ask him to block you. If you really feel that you could take this further than you need to do whatever possible to stop the contact from occurring. Tell him that you love your husband and want to be with him and not the guy you are messaging. Tell him that you cannot be in contact with him anymore and need to be blocked to stop you from doing so.
If he won't block you then he has no respect for you, your happiness or your commitment to your husband and that SHOULD be the clincher.
The fact that you thought you could be friends with him is not an issue but as soon as you started having feelings for him, you should have stopped it there. Obviously your husband trusts you and if that means something to you then run from this other guy as fast as your legs can carry you and do not try to get in contact with him again after you have asked him to block you.
You need to use your will power! Be the strong woman that is in there and crush those budding feelings of romance under foot before it is too late and your marriage is doomed!

Good luck and be strong!

Answer 2

You are having an emotional affair, and i suppose this adds some sort of excitement to your life... It's not uncommon, but remember, you don't know this person personally anymore. You said it's been years since you dated... people change, and i'm sure he's no better than the man you already have... after all, you quit dating him and moved on and married your husband.

Maybe bring some of the spark back into your own marriage by planning to do things together at least 3-4 times a month.. even if it's playing a few hands of cards -- it would be 'interactive' time, something fun and you'd be able to just chat. You could have a couple date nights a month, or plan to do activities like hiking, zoo, museum, go to the gym together, etc. It all depends upon your mutual interests -- and sometimes you can compromise and do something the other person likes.

Maybe spending more spare time doing things with your husband would help.

take care.

Answer 3

Sweetie,

Take a breath. You can't undo what you did, but you can deal with the repercussions.

First, you must be honest and open with both your husband and your friend. Tell your husband that you got caught up in the nostalgia and thought you had feelings for your friend that are stronger than they should be. Tell him that you love him too much to act on any such feelings and are now keeping them in check.

Second, tell your friend the same thing, that you got caught up in the nostalgia and the thoughts of what might have been. Tell him that you will always be his friend, if he ever needs a shoulder to lean on or if he just wants to say "hi", but be very clear that no more can come of this friendship.

I think that if you try to sever all ties to your friend, the minute things with your husband are not so rosy, you'll be back to thinking about your friend and the "what ifs".

I know this from experience. Once you care for someone, the hardest thing in the world is to cut them out of your life. Let your friend keep that little piece of your heart that you have given him, just remember who the rest belongs to.

Good Luck

Answer 4

simple. ensure your family has just one email account that everyone gets to see (at the very least you and your husband). Unless you want to destroy the great thing you have now with your current family, then you better make a tough decision now before you start something you will really really regret. By changing to a join email account you will ensure nothing that is not above board will ever happen. The fact that you are even contemplating hooking up with this guy means that you really need to have a good honest talk with your husband. preferably before you do something permanently damaging to your relationship. If you have feelings for this other guy, you have to decide which is more important, what you have now, or what he is offering and the effect all of it will have on the people most important to you. If you are as committed to your current relation ship as you seem to say you are - your decision will be very easy and you already know what you have to do.

Answer 5

Oh dear, you are treading on dangerous ground. You need to stop this now. Things must of gotten sorta stale in your marriage if your thoughts are turning to another and yes you got caught up in the nostalgia.

Put some spice back into your marriage.. make a date night every week. Surprise your hubby by doing something out the ordinary. Put some fun back into things.

Write your friend back and say because you are married your husbands feels like you shouldn't be writing a single guy and your going to honor his wishes... say goodbye wish him well and leave it at that.

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

You already know this is wrong which is why you're asking for our opinion. If it's confirmation that you need to see that this is wrong your right "THIS IS WRONG". Why do you have to wait for him to block you? Do the right thing and cut all ties with this person. You already have what you vowed to, or else cut it lose and give it up to someone who truly deserves a worthy hubby. If the shoe was on the other foot and your husband kept in touch w/someone from the past would you be as understanding? I think not...

Answer 7

Block it you're married. Don't worry about the response. It will be worse if something happens between you and the guy. You'll hurt your husband and he will never trust you again. You sound like you have a good husband who is secure don't break that. It's not worth it.

Answer 8

What are you getting from this friend that you aren't you husband? This friend is listening to you, my guess. You can be whoever you want to this person online. You can tell them anything, THEY DON' T JUDGE. They do that because they are single, hon. You, are married. You need to tell your husband your thoughts and feelings. Start communicating with him. The single guy, is thinking whooooooooo hooooooo ATTENTION FOR THEM. He is not thinking, SHE IS MARRIED. You really are setting yourself up for destruction, if you don't communicate with your husband, as you do with this fellow online. He will not block you until you tell him that you need to work things out with your hubby. Thank him for being a friend so to speak, but you have respect for you hubby and want to work things out. When someone continues to complain about their significant other to someone who is available or on the fritz with their significant other, other enticing offers looks good to them. You created this situation. Block him if you want to work out your marriage.

Answer 9

If you know what's good for you, block him and give your burden to the lord in prayer. Because it can only get worse by you getting emotionally attached the longer you keep this contact around.
Know what's more important to yourself. Your Husband

Answer 10

Your first loyalty lies with your husband and it is your responsibility to dodge any temptaion what-so-ever. Suppose this was happening with your husband and how would you feel? My suggestion is end the chit chat now before you end up in divorce court later!