Last night we caught our 14 year old daughter Kylie sneaking out of the house to go to a party that she had already been told that she could not attend. What should we do?
2007-12-30 16:39:50 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Ground her. Take her favorites away
2007-12-30 16:42:35 · answer #1 · answered by vanillacream753 3 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Punish her the way you think of is needed. Has She finished this in the previous? And what did you do then? want somewhat greater data to enable you recognize what could be a reliable thank you to handle it. Then i could floor her and take aways a number of her previlages (cellular telephone, going out, laptop utilization, etc you get the belief. IF she maintains doing it or she does some thing that replaced into taking aways then i could motel to spanking.yet have you ever or if that's dad have your spouse do it so theres no themes. try this to what ever severity you think of will make her be apologetic approximately what shid did and lsiten to you. yet provided that Grounding and taking privileges away does not artwork. Make her re Earn your believe. She feels like a reliable baby and that she's only being a typical teenager. So I doubt spanking would be needed Oh and additionally you have each and every top to punish her. No great imaginative and prescient potential=no going to celebration.
2016-10-20 12:12:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously, the party meant a lot to her. She would rather risk 'sneaking out' and your wrath than miss that party...
Think back to when you were 14 and the world revolved around being invited (or not) to a party. Understand how VERY important that moment SEEMED to her and tell her that you understand, totally...
Tell her why you didn't want her to go (drugs, boys, no parents home) and tell her that you RAISED her to make GOOD DECISIONS....and tonight was a test. If she made the bad decision to sneak out of the house, then what decision would she make to try drugs or break a curfew? Tell her how disappointed you are. Your trust is broken, and her heart is broken (all bad).
You need to give HER another chance to earn your trust back (MAYBE let her go to the next party but only stay for an hour to say hi to her friends, and she has to stick to her curfew)....and she needs to give YOU the reassurance that she will never, ever sneak out again.
2007-12-30 16:53:14 · answer #3 · answered by Beach Girl 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I assume you have done all the sensible things, tried reason etc?
Fact is you just cant ground her for life can you?
I know we cant give kids a slapping anymore and I dont think it would do any good anyway!
If you are sure you have done all you can, and she still persists , she will drive you both mental, no doubt about that.
Are you willing to accept that?
1st job, get her on the pill, sit her down and tell her why you are doing this, you just cant trust her anymore! This does not mean she can do whatever she wants it means you have almost reached the end of your tether! Make sure she understands you are almost on the point of giving up, she is driving you mad!
While you have her full attention tell her that the very next time you discover she is going off the rails you will make moves to have her put into care, and mean it.
Next step is to go and see a social worker, tell them the story and you want someone to visit her at home, they can explain what out of control is all about, and what could happen if she doesnt toe the line.
If it still persists do it!!!!
True she may well hate you for a while, but you will have done your duty, the choice is yours. Difficult I know , I would have mine put away , otherwise I would give her a slapping and go to jail for it, not really the way to go!!!
2007-12-30 17:17:07 · answer #4 · answered by budding author 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
We used to have bunking parties and we always tip toed out after saying good night to the parents. But, that was in the 60's; small town; never heard of marijuana...today, it is too scary to have a young girl, or boy, sneaking out at night. May be innocent, but I would take it serious. I vote for grounding and a full explaination of the dangers.
2007-12-30 16:48:29 · answer #5 · answered by howdigethere 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm not a parent. But I can tell you about my parents. (They split up when I was a baby, i lived back and forth between them)
My dad would go after what I used the most, or enjoyed the most. Like my stereo, TV, phone. I mean literally, it would be gone, not accessable.
This method REALLY worked.
My mom would punish me for ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. I was always on lockdown. It made me miserable, and I ended up sneaking out more often just because it seemed like I was always in trouble anyways.
This method made highschool HELL for both of us.
Tell them that you don't want something bad to happen to them and that you need to trust them so that when parties or events come up, you will be able to trust them enough to let them go.
You have to negotiate with teenagers. They are developing adult minds, that are intaking information and experiences at a rate we could barely keep up with . They want to have an opinion, and mostly, have you acknowledge it as something important.
Just tell them WHY you don't want them to do that, and that if they lie to you about stupid stuff you won't be able to trust them. Ask them how they would feel if you lied to them all the time.
Basically, TALK TO THEM!! :) Communication is the true deal maker. Work it out so that she understands the rules, and why it benifits her to abide by them.
2007-12-30 16:52:34 · answer #6 · answered by ihti 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Outside of locking her in her room for the next four years?
How about you sit her down and explain in detail why she is too young to go out like that, why you are trying to keep her safe until she is older and has hopefully better judgement. Then because all actions has consequences, she should be grounded, I'd say for about a month no cell phone no computer outside of homework. That aught to get her attention.
Both my nieces snuck out one night, ages 14 and 16, drove off in the 16 year old's new car she was not yet licenced to drive. They went to a friends house (boys of course) drank a bit, stayed awhile, until the 14 year old wanted to go home. So my now drunk 16 year old niece managed to drive her little sister home, then headed back to the 'party'. Along the way she ran her car into the ditch wrecking it and whacking her head good. Too scared to call home and face her fathers wrath she hid out in the woods until day break and then hitch hiked to another friends house. Meanwhile the police find the car and notify my brother and his wife...they all think she is dead somewhere, everyone in distress, until she finally calls home.
All ended well, but only with extreme good luck, and after both girls got off grounding they never tried that again...we think.
Good luck with yours!!!
2007-12-30 16:56:10 · answer #7 · answered by ~Just 1 good egg~ 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
if she is going to be bold enought to sneak out of the house, after being told not to go to the party......... i dont know.........i did have this friend once, that her daughter was pretty young, and pretty bold, she couldnt get her under control, so she took her to the police station, and had a woman cop talk to her, told her that she was lucky to have a mom that cared, and that if she didnt do right, she could end up like this or this etc. GOOD LUCK!
2007-12-30 16:48:59 · answer #8 · answered by hippie chick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well punishing her won't work. It'll only make her more determined to do it again, and be more careful not to get caught next time.
My answer is - talk to her. Tell her why you didn't want her to go to the party. But you must give her good reasons, not just the 'coz we said so' routine. Respect your daughter's intelligence and talk it out with her. Ask her how she would feel if one of you snuck out and did something she didn't want you to do without telling her, e.g. something dangerous or embarrassing. Make her see it from your point of view.
Maybe you could agree to lighten up a little with letting her go out more, so she doesn't have to sneak out. Lay down some ground rules with that, e.g. take your phone, back by midnight, where will you be, who will be there etc.
Teens will be teens, they are learning to be independent which can look like rebellion, but you've got to let them spread their wings a little sometimes.
2007-12-30 17:07:44 · answer #9 · answered by Andrea H 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
ground her for life or atleast 6 months...have a major talk w/ her i would lock that window and door if not nail them shut stop it now b4 its to late
my best friend used to sneak out all the time so 1 night her parents just didn't come home from work didn't answer their cells told family she called where they were but told them to tell her they didn't know where they were and she didn't know where they were for about 4 hours....then she realized that is what she does to them when she is just gone
2007-12-30 17:13:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
First, don't get overly angry. Be patient but yes, discipline her. She needs to learn. Have the 'parent speech' about not sneaking out of the house and obeying you both. If you don't discipline her at all, she will never learn. Ask her what was so important about this party and tell her the truth about how it affected you both. Tell her it'll be harder to trust her because it obviously will. The disciplining is up to you both, but most parents I'd say, would ground the kid from friends, phone, etc. *hope it helped && best of luck!* -Olivia
2007-12-30 16:45:51 · answer #11 · answered by Be Pretty =] 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋