Do you like my poem?

Question

Hatred fills the room
Hatred lies within these walls
Hatred fills her heart
And her unheard calls

I cry because I feel for her
I feel her pain deep inside
And as she calls out my name
I reach for the hand that reaches towards mine

Black hearted she roams the earth
Tear filled eyes are searching
For peace and sanctuary
For nothing but tranquility

Starring out her window
She realizes that time moves on
And as she take her life away
She passes her life on

Unheard cries of my pain
Unheard tears of my sorrow
Clutching the knife in my hand
Soon there will be no tomorrow

im 14 years old

Answer 1

Since you're 14, it's not too bad. The feelings in it and the structure are a little hokey though. Don't take this personally; even great poets don't start out perfect. Here are some suggestions:

If you rhyme one set of lines, the rest are expected to follow in kind. Without consistent rhyme schemes it just feels thrown-together. If you can't think of a good rhyme, try to state it another away! Use figurative language to give yourself more options. Or, don't use rhyme at all! Removing rhyme will place more importance on your meter, though.

Work on your meter. Poems with irregular meter just sound like talking. Think of limericks; even though they're simplistic in rhyme scheme, an effective one can be difficult to write, because the meter is very specific. Your meter is like a scale; you want it to be balanced. That doesn't mean you have to make each line the same; you just have to make it consistent, like in this Emily Dickinson poem:

"Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality."

All in all, this poem could use a bit of work. I hope this poem isn't truthful; don't kill yourself! I love that you're writing - when I was 14, I hated poetry! It would have helped me through a lot, I think. I would love to see you keep writing and improving, because I think as you grow and practice you will become a very effective poet.

Answer 2

There are some people who do not think a poem should be judged by the age (or any other characteristic) of the author. But you are writing what you are feeling and I find that perfectly acceptable for a place to start. It's a lot more annoying when you are say, 40 years old, and still writing this sort of stuff because I would expect you to have read more literature and absorbed something of technique and style and voice. Now, if you wrote with those talents, we would all be bowing to you and calling you "the Phenom", but everyone has to start somewhere! And this is good start.

Now begin daring yourself to be different.

Answer 3

At the tender age of 14, this is excellent. The mood is excellent, the tone is excellent, the diction is excellent.
This semantic twist in terms of point of view:

Unheard cries of my pain
Unheard tears of my sorrow
Clutching the knife in my hand
Soon there will be no tomorrow

Excellent.
You've the talent and skill. Nurture them to fruition and compose more poems.

Answer 4

Oh my Lucifer!!! It's a very disturbing theme and a very emotional poem. The poetry in itself is well achieved although without a much needed spark of creativity. It doesn't explain why this girl is so angry and "black hearted". The reader wants to sympathize with her not just watch her be depressed and attempt suicide. On a different note...if those are your feelings, seek professional help.

Answer 5

Amanda your poem has such feeling when it came to the end I was shocked good writing but I hope you don't feel that way if you do seek help
maryann

Answer 6

You have some real talent! This poem is one of the best I have ever read. I love to write poetry and don't listen to anyone who says it's weird. (I'm thirteen). This was sooooo good. Great job and keep writing!

Answer 7

You are a true poet..you are also a empath..you should go to poetry.com and you can put all your poems on there and they come out really nice and there are contests too. Like having a free website for your poetry..

Answer 8

sad but very nicely put I think you did a awesome job and I really liked it very very good! I see a AAA. there are places you can inter
your poems and you can even get paid for them. this poem has alot of meaning to it. keep up the awesome job.

Answer 9

Someone like her needs a lot of help! It is a dreary poem and if it applies to you, get help for you sound depressed.

Answer 10

I like it a lot, actually. I am not usually one to like poems and stuff posted on here.

I'd REALLY like it w/ a chorus and some heavy guitar. Would make an amazing song!

Great job!!!!!