Why is it that women who I meet get attached to me too quickly after sex?

Question

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. It's even happened to me after one nighters. I think I'm giving off the wrong vibe. But I can't pinpoint what it is. I'm not that type of person. It takes me a lot more to really fall in love with a woman, and it's not sex. I'm dominant in and out the bed and treat women nicely. Like I'm the kind of person who takes charge and enjoys giving a romantic massages afterwards or cooks a mean meal for her. I'm starting to feel maybe that's the wrong combination. My intent is just to be nice, I don't want to start a life with her. But for some reason she always wants to get the U-Haul first thing in the morning.

Answer 1

I really hate to say it (and trust me, I really do) but yeah, I think maybe you are being too nice to your one night stands.
Any affectionate behavior from you, especially since you're a dominant personality, will send a mixed signal to a submissive or passive partner.
Because you're usually the agressor, your cooking for your sex partners or giving an affectionate back massage after sex will give off the signals that there's more to this than just the sex.

If you're only in it for the sex, then you have to stick to that and stop being so affectionate.

It's that care-taking/ nurturing kindness you're showing that sends the wrong message.

I think you really need to take a long look at yourself and why you feel the need to be so affectionate to a supposed "one night stand."
Are you sure all you want is the sex? Maybe you're "falling" for your sex partners and not realizing it.

Your signals give off a distinct message of care-taking and nurturing that usually only comes with a relationship that is more than just a "one night stand."

Answer 2

That's not unusual for a lot of lesbians. I'm sure you've heard the well-known joke about that: (Question: What does a lesbian couple do on their second date? Answer: Rent a U-Haul.)

I think that for a lot of women, sexual intimacy with another woman carries a lot of emotional energy, and that leads, a lot of the time, to women falling in love very quickly after the relationship turns sexual. IOW, its not that you're necessarily doing anything wrong by being both sexual AND nurturing on a first date, its just how a lot of women respond to that combination.

If that's not what you want -- if you need more space and time to get to know a woman before renting that U-Haul - I would suggest not jumping into bed with women on the first date. Court the lady. :-) Be assertive, be nurturing, be romantic, hold hands and kiss good night and so on; but take it slow, go out on several dates first, spend more time building the relationship and getting to know each other better before taking matters to a more intimate sexual level.

Hope this helps.

Answer 3

it may be that they way you treat women in general makes the women you date feel really good, and like you're into them. i would hold off the romantic stuff until you develop feelings for them. i would also be upfront how you feel about sex and dating, and maybe figure out a way to feel out what the girls you date are looking for.

also if it's a pattern consider that there might be something more behind it. objectively speaking, are you behaving in a way, intentionally or not, that would give people the wrong message about how you feel about them?

a nice girl who cooks and is good in bed though-- definately dating material in a lot of peoples books. maybe save the cooking for someone special and warm up the mac and cheese for your other prospects in the meantime :)

Answer 4

Sex is an act of intimacy whether we want to put it in that context or not. So they dig you for being a caring good lover. I have the same problem. You have to temper the "heat" with good judgment.

Answer 5

Don't feel bad I'm a man and I have that problem a lot
more than you do! If you slept with me you would feel
the same even though you're a Lesbian!

Answer 6

You must be really good in bed