Ferber Method.................yuck!!!!!?

Question

How could mothers possibly use this Ferber method? I mean, I hate when my son cries and some women are saying that they have listened to their child crying for an hour!!!!!!!!! and not comfort to the baby. WOW! I could never do that. Doesn't baby cry when they need something? How can these women even THINK of doing this?

To Beth S: I am a parent with an 8 1/2 month old. He wake up a lot in the night, but would never do it. I KNOW what it is like, lol.

Hey Ree, you were right, lol!

BABIES ÜBER ALLES!: You were right too!

O, sorry for being in their business, I just wanted to ask HOW THEY COULD POSSIBLY LISTEN TO THEIR CHILD CRY LIKE THAT FOR SO LONG?

I am not trying to "put other mommies down" by the way. All I wanted to know is what the question asked. Why could you possible do that?

Liv t: don't worry i gave you a thumbs up

since i am putting every one of those mother down, lol

Answer 1

I NEVER let my son cry it out. He sometimes gets fussy for naptime. But thats it. At night, He doesn't fuss. I think its heartless because you are letting your child cry themself to sleep. My son gets fussy and I go in there and rock him to sleep. Then I lay him down and he is out.

Answer 2

The thing is that all Dr's have recanted their child raising advice. The best thing to do is follow your instincts. Only you and your child can determine what is best.

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And following your instincts is proven here by testimonials from both sides of the spectrum. If NY Attitude had listened to friends and family and not her heart then her autistic son just may have detachment issues, and autistic children already have problems with that (BTW NY, I read an article in a baby mag about an autistic boy who blossomed greatly after getting a dog specifically trained for autistic children. I thought of you while reading it. Since your son is doing so great with your methods I was thinking how much better he would do with one of these dogs, if you wanted to try that route). And it is proven with the parents who would let their children cry it out as well.

Each child and parent/child relationship is unique. There is not one parenting style that works for all children, and anyone with more then one child knows this. My son was a different baby then my daughter. He would fall asleep alone from almost the very beginning. My daughter is over 2 mo's old and still needs my chest to fall out on before we switch her to the basinette, and she will only stay in there at night.

Each child is a unique entity and before we start trying to make all parents parent the same way, we need to understand that. And that piece of advice goes for all moms who try to force their ways on another mom. Just shake your head and humor the person, but just do what you know is right for your child.

And I want to alter the first sentence a bit:

Almost all Dr's have eventaully recanted their expert advice. I think that the only ones that haven't yet, haven't realized yet that their method isn't the only way for all children.

Answer 3

Not every ones in your situation with a child like you have. Different family's have different needs and troubles. I don't understand why some women never try their best to breastfeed, or spend all their money on expensive cribs etc or start feeding their infants solids before 6 months but who am I to judge or criticize. I'm not them and its not my kid. I have an 7 1/2 month old who doesnt sleep and wakes up ALL the time. Im exhausted and to be honest not 100% of a mom or wife that I could be. I hate night time. I dread it. I wish I could ferberize my daughter and definatly understand how someone could do it. I feel my daughter needs some boundries when it comes to bed time but just cant implenet any. Im a nurse and will have to return to work in a couple months and if she's not sleeping through the night then we'll have to try something which might just be ferber. Which he actually never states to leave your baby alone for long periods to cry. He states to FREQUENTLY check and re assure baby breifly but not cave in and pick the baby up.

Answer 4

I don't believe in it. I think there's something wrong about sitting and listening to your child cry over a baby monitor without doing anything about it. Sure, there are days where I KNOW my daughter is crying because she didn't get her way, but never in another room, and never without me right there trying to engage her in something else.
However, I also don't really beleive in calling other mothers out on how they raise their children either. As long as MY child isn't affected in any way, I tend to mind my own business. I'm sure there is something that everyone of us does, that someone else doesn't agree with.

Answer 5

I don't agree with the letting them "cry it out" crap myself or the let them soothe themselves back to sleep. If a baby wakes in the middle of the night, it's not to piss you off it's because they are either hungry, wet, or uncomfortable. Not just to make you miss out on sleep. They can't feed or change themselves. That's what we are suppose to do. WE are suppose to change them, feed them, soothe, comfort, and love them. They can't do it themselves. Now there's nothing wrong with letting your child cry for 5-10mins if you have to, but any longer then that is nuts. I never let my boys "cry it out" for an hour at a time and they are perfectly fine and I won't and haven't with my daughter. I don't understand people that say you are spoiling your baby or letting your baby run things by not letting them cry, those are the people that shouldn't be parents!!!

Answer 6

I couldn't deal with that .... I even get out my riding mower and ride my 6 mth old in circles to get his adreniline up to wear him out .... I sing to him,hold his hands so he can walk,put him on my shoulders and walk, swing him side to side, but "cry it out" has never worked ..
occassionaly I will try the ten minute rule but hardly ever .....
my belief is that when the baby is crying he needs something ... and yah,sometimes it is just a hug

Answer 7

I only have to hear my girl whimper then I am up making a bottle. I figure why wait to let her cry cuz then she will be screaming by the time i get to her with the bottle then it will take longer to settle her. This has totally worked for me. I about died when she had colic and would cry for 8-10 hours a day. It was the worse feeling in the world to hear them cry and you can't fix it so why on earth would I CHOOSE to let them cry when I know I can fix it is beyond me. I so disagree with the ferber method. Some moms swear by it tho...so....to each it's own I guess but I don't agree.

Answer 8

I will let my son cry for about 5-10 min to put him to sleep when I know he is tired. He doesn't like going to bed by himself, but one hour! I have a hard time letting go longer than 5 min! Babies do cry for a reason. I always make sure he is fed, dry and comfortable if I have to do this and I don't have to do it a lot. One hour is wayyyyyyyyyyy too long!

Answer 9

Too funny, you posted on another question about this along with me. You seen my answer! I agree with you. It is the selfish parents who chose this method of "parenting". It is not parenting at all! It is neglect! It is like a form of abuse and they get away with it. I can't let my 11 1/2 year old cry for an hour let alone my darn infant! The way they jusitfy it is that it is all about them and they are selfish and shouldnt have had kids if they didn't want to be there for them.

Answer 10

I don't get it either, if any of my babies(4, 2, 8 months) wakes up and cries, or cries during the day, I am there to find out 1) why
2) comfort. My baby and my other 2 when they were babies, would *gasp* co-sleep. No crying it out going on at my house, babies need their mommies to hold them and help them feel loved, safe and secure, not abandoned and scared.

Ha ha I got the thumbs down and for what, not letting my babies cry LOL!

NY_attitude, great answer!

so I guess the 6 thumbs down means there are 6 people who don't pick up crying babies. good for you don't let your baby "control" your life. sheesh, why do you have kids if you don't want to hold them?

Answer 11

I think you are talking about Cry it out? well i had to do this with DD. She would just not go back to sleep unless I came in there and picked her up. I wasnt getting any sleep. She would sleep then wake up , I would rock her to sleep then try to put her in the crib and she would wake right back up, when I picked her up she would fall right asleep on me! Of course I couldnt have listened to her for an hour! I can not go longer than 20 mins. and if she was crying badly then i will go and get her. I have a video monitor too so I can watch her and make sure she is ok. she is fine and will cry when I leave the room but then will fall asleep within minutes. she never did that before CIO.