He said its because she doesn't know him anymore and it is too painful to visit.
2007-12-30 14:26:59 · 12 answers · asked by maggie2007 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes. If he avoids painful situations, he may avoid painful situations in your life together. The fact that he doesn't want to see that she's ok and receiving good care, or to bring her a warm fuzzy blanket or some other small gift that will make her day a little better, are signals that he's detached and putting himself first. Life is full of unpleasantness. If you're in a nursing home, become ugly or deformed due to an accident or awful illness, or are dying of cancer someday, will he refuse to see you since it would be painful for him, or "it wouldn't do any good?" You're right to see this reaction as a weakness in his character. It doesn't mean that you should dump him since everyone has weaknesses as well as positives, but at least your eyes are open.
Consider also discussing his Mother's illness with your doctor, particularly if his Mother was diagnosed with the disease under age 65 and if he has other family members with the disease. If so, you could be his caregiver some day.
2008-01-03 09:18:00 · answer #1 · answered by Neonzeus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be nice if you could visit not frequently. I have a friend in a similar situation and I visit for him. I see his Mother about 4 times a year, sometimes she thinks I am her daughter-in-law, her youngest sister, or the social service worker, but she really doesn't know who I am and doesn't remember her son by name. If you ask her she can tell you about his childhood and when he went away, but she cannot tell you when she saw him last. It is sad, but I let him know and he has been able to make it for a visit a couple times in the last 4 years. He also makes arrangements to see the rest of the family who live about 400 miles from here.
2016-05-28 04:09:58 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he is a meanie or bad person, i have being there seeing a parent ill, i agree it is very painful to see them that way, what he needs is some love and understanding he can go to counselling to help him deal with this pain. I have worked with alzheimers patients before and know that although his mother has alzhemiers it doesn't mean he cannot have a relationship with her, he can still have a loving relationship with her, he might need to educate himself on how to handle this situation but it is so possible i have seen it happen. Don't give up on him , i know how it feels he is hurting,reach out to him.cheers
2007-12-30 14:52:29 · answer #3 · answered by Versacetica 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand how he feels. It IS very upsetting to see a parent with severe Alzheimers to the point of not being recognized. It's upsetting because all you do is remember how they used to be. It's very sad. I don't mean for this to sound insensitive but as long as he makes the effort to see her......it's better then he not see her at all. Do you go with him? If you don't....offer to go along and maybe he'll make more frequent trips. Maybe he can make more frequent trips but not stay as long. Just having him tell her he's there may be a comfort to her even if she barely knows him. She may have brief flashes of recognition and if she does.....then him being there will make a difference.
2007-12-30 14:39:16 · answer #4 · answered by lacrosselover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should be concerned. Remember the way a guy treats his mother is eventually the way he's going to treat you. I guess he wouldn't visit you either if you were in a nursing home. He is very selfish and he will cry harder than anyone at her funeral because he will feel guilty for ignoring her.
2007-12-30 14:37:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you get Alzheimers later on. Then he'll probably treat you the same way.
But this is not likely to happen, at least not in the near future.
2007-12-30 14:31:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alzheimers is very difficult to deal with for family. They are dealing with the death of a family member that is still alive. Don't be concerned - be patient and understanding.
2007-12-30 14:32:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I haven't been through it myself, but I know a friend that has been , and it is very painful to see and know that a loved one does not know who you are anymore. As long as he makes sure that she is safe and cared for proplerly, there is really nothing more he can do by visiting her, except upset himself.
2007-12-30 17:25:23 · answer #8 · answered by Alwyn C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should be concerned because how a man treats his mother and sisters IS how he will treat you and any daughters you may have.
2007-12-30 17:11:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would he abandon you if you got sick with something that was incurable. How a man treats his mother is a good sign about how he will treat his wife.
2007-12-30 14:33:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋