It's very common in our area, and I have used it myself, however, I've noticed that everytime he goes out he seems to be using. He's even started to lie about it when I ask, even though it's very obvious that he is. Not only am I worried about his health, and our finances, but the fact that he is in the forces and if is drug tested will lose his career. What can I do to help him?
2007-12-30 13:59:17 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is such a hard situation and I've delt with stuff very similar in my relationship. I met my husband because I used to deal drugs and he bought them off of me, so we have both struggled through drugs and addictions. Through it all I've learned that there is not much YOU can do to help him. Ultimately you can help him realize that he needs to quit, but that is about it. Drug addictions are serious things and cannot be overcome unless the person themselves makes the choice to quit once and for all.
Just try and talk with him and point out things that might make him want to quit. Tell him you are willing to do anything it takes to stay with him, but you want to help him through this. It is important to tell him also that you will be with him even if he continues to do drugs (even if it may not be true) because then he will probably just lie more and more to you about hiim using. Try and make him feel okay with telling you the truth about him using, you can do this possibly by not getting upset when he does tell you he used?? Because if you get upset everytime he tells you, why is he going to tell you in the future?
I want you (and your boyfriend) to understand that quitting is also a process and you have to be supportive through everything!! This is supporting everything including his choice to use. You need to respect his choices and the only thing you really can do is let him know how you feel and try and point out to him how important it is for him to quit. If YOU choose eventually that he is not going to quit and you don't want to be with him than that is your choice.
Good luck to you, this is sooo hard. I've been completely clean from all drugs for over 2 years now!!! My husband is still smoking weed daily and trying to quit which is still very difficult for him and our relationship.
2007-12-31 13:02:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you saw a documentary about the stuff on tv, and a guy did it and fell dead instantly.
If that doesn't scare him, then he's not worth waiting for. If he doesn't care about his own life, how are you going to expect him to care about yours? Sometimes people need a rude awakening. If you stay with him even though your actions to help him are ignored...then in the long run you are enabling him because he knows you will always be there whether or not he still does the drugs. You need to give him an ultimatum and stick to it. Even if your finances are tangled with his, there is always a way out. Stay with a friend or a family member for the time being; they will understand.
2007-12-30 14:13:32 · answer #2 · answered by sdgirljen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish I could tell you something better than this BUT, depending on HOW bad his addiction is, he MAY need to hit the bottom before he starts coming back. You can help him by turning him in to re-hab. He may lose his job and yes, he'll probably blame you instead of the drug. He is the only one that can help him. Re-hab would just be a nudge in the right direction. Talk with counselors, and him and see what happens, maybe nothing then turn him in.
2007-12-30 14:10:44 · answer #3 · answered by Gardner? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband recently had a problem with crack. Though it was not the first time, it certainly was the worst. I did not kick him out. We talked, and I gave him the ultimatum that I was going to see an addictions councillor first thing the next morning and he was either in the truck with me, or I would go and then not be coming back with our children. He was in my truck with me the next morning. We went through councilling together, and apart. And now he is almost 1 year clean.
I would suggest trying something with him. Your not against him if yuo want him to get help, and I think it helps to be there for support.
I hope it works out for you!
It's rough, but from experience I know it can be done if you both want it too.
2007-12-30 14:06:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Speaking a couples therapist, try this great guide:
What To Do When Your Partner Is Suffering From Substance Abuse And Addiction
http://www.hearts-and-kisses.com/relationshipadvice-drug-and-alcohol-abuse.html
2007-12-30 16:03:13 · answer #5 · answered by lovehealer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry you are going through this. Welcome to the world of living with an addict. Lying, sneaking....it's all part of the disease. You can't do anything to help him. You can try to reason with him when he is not high, but in my experience, when he's not high, he's irritable and irrational.
I strongly suggest you go online and find al-anon meetings. Since he is in the forces, if you go to a community meeting in your town for help, he will be found out. You need to find out how to take care of YOU. You need to stop using, too, so he can't use that against you.
In all honesty, if he is using that much, his personality will begin changing and those in his chain of command will become aware of it. He will get caught. He has to realize all he stands to lose if this happens. I don't know how to make that happen....
If it takes something drastic such as you leaving him, having an "intervention" with family or outing him to the authorities....that would be better than finding him dead of a heart attack or overdose.
I know it's scary...I've been in your shoes. I will be praying for you (and for him)....but don't forget...get help for yourself. Al-Anon is online and they have chat-rooms and meetings all the time. Maybe I'll see you there!!
Best of Luck!
2007-12-30 14:11:28 · answer #6 · answered by gracesgirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just to state the obvious - nobody can make somebody stop unless they themselves are ready...also, cocaine is very addicting.
If he is using all the time and lying to you about it - then he is on the road to self destructing addict.
#1 - move your money and make yourself an escape plan.
After that, next time you think he's lying, whip out a home drug test and have him prove it. If it's positive, I honestly don't know what you can do except move out and have him prove himself. You can't change him or cure him or talk him out of anything - it's all on him.
2007-12-30 14:07:11 · answer #7 · answered by Stan W 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
INTERVENTION.
If his drug use is being covered up, then he might take it as permission to continue. If he does it even though he could lose his job, and he's lying about how often, if its affecting his health, and your finances, chances are he's addicted.
To help him, give him the ultimatum - get help to get off the drugs or get out. If he chooses the drugs, you can't help him.
2007-12-30 14:11:54 · answer #8 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely talk first. Though I am not too sure how clearly a cocaine addicted individual will be paying attention. Sounds serious, I hope you can work it out and get help for them. Maybe an intervention of the friends and people who love them ?
2007-12-30 14:03:10 · answer #9 · answered by dahopdawg 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The only thing that you can really do is try and talk to him about the consequences if he should get caught, what if he is busted with the stuff on him, then he will go to jail, it will be on his record and he will lose his career and possible you. tell him how you feel. find out the underlying reason that he feels he needs to get high. what is he running from? Reality, past lifes issues. or present. pressure, stress. or what? find out the most you can and go from there.
2007-12-30 14:07:36 · answer #10 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋