DO you think toasters are evil?

Question

They scared my toast. Therefore, I think they are evil.

Answer 1

OMG!!!! I never thought I'd meet anybody else with this! But, while it feels better to know that someone else understands, I'm dismayed that the evil has spread. WHERE WILL IT END?!?!!!?

2 years ago at 3 in the morning, I heard rythmic buzzing and clicking, and followed the sound to the kitchen, and saw the most sickening sight I had ever seen. The poor George Foreman grill, gripped tightly in the dishwasher door, emitted a couple of faint, final sparks, then slumped lifelessly, door hanging at an awkward angle on only one hinge. The simultaneous thrum of all the other appliances, each in an eerie trance state, droned throughout the kitchen, and rose to an earsplitting crescendo of whirling motors on the verge of burning out, clanging pots and pans and grinding coffee-bean destruction. Crackling, arcing bolts of blue electricity shot from every receptacle, scorching and searing refrigerated flesh and frying potatoes into carbon dust. The very air of the room visibly undulated with deadly microwaves, ominously causing every bulb in the oven, fridge, bread machine and ceiling to glow a sickening green.

And yes, next to poor George, attended by a gleaming cadre of Ginsu knife acolytes, was Master Toastmaster, gloriously offerring his grotesque sacrifice to the Dark Lord Cuisinart. The rotisserie motor still spun slowly, its frazzled lifegiving connections splaying from every direction in a wiry chaos. In his fervor, black smoke erupted from his ravenous slots, an unrecognizable, lifeless streusle or waffle caught in his cruel maw. He leapt to the sink with his trophy, who immediately issued forth with a scalding stream of sickly brown H2O. The DisposeAll growled to life, and before I could even gasp, the murdered grill's life-organ was thunderously ground from existence in the depths of it's hellish steel teeth.

I have to admit, I lost conciousness then. I awoke next to the deep freezer in the basement, mortified by the partially assembled block and tackle pully rig dangling right above me, which was only lacking the winch motor that I knew was in the garage. I scrambled back upstairs, barely dodging the whirling agitator unit hurling at me from the washer. I clasped my hands over my ears in a futile attempt to shield my hearing from the raucous caucophany of shrieking vacuums, clanging doorbells, incessantly blaring cordless phones, and surreal screeches from the blown speakers of the unblowable Bose system. I clawed my way blindly through the dense atmosphere of sickening Glade mist and a choking Easy-Off fog.

But, I never made it to the door. All possible escape was sealed off by an impassible tangle of roots and barren Christmas tree limbs, bizarrely bedecked with evil black ornaments and garlands of razorwire. I now wander this unearthly abode, craving release and never finding it. I don't even know if this message will be transmitted unaltered by the virus-laden PC, or if the hideous Microsoft spirits within its circuits will re-encode and distort the bytes to suit their own mysterious designs. PLEASE HELP ME!!! ......................

Answer 2

One day, my toaster got all mad and started running away from me when I was trying to put bread in it. It actually turned around and laughed a terrible evil laugh. I don't trust it. It is from the dark side. There is no good that will ever come from that toaster. If you get a new toaster, make sure it is of the good nature or you will never be happy.

Answer 3

I pulverized my evil toaster once.

In a fit of rage over something that happened at work, I came home and kicked the sh*t out of it and tore it apart with my bare hands.

My wife was using it at the time.

She said, 'HOLY SH*T, HON. What the hell did the toaster ever do to you?'

Within 5 miuntews, a squad of toasters knocked on my door, claiming they were from the S.P.C.T

"Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Toasters"

They carted me away, and forced me to attend Toaster Anger Management classes. The place was packed.

Answer 4

Yes. They burn my toast every time..... it makes me sad :( Then, one time, i put toast in the toaster, went out of the room for a second, next thing i knew, my toast was out of the toaster with a knife next to them, covered in something red.

Answer 5

Yes, that is why Toast tries to jump up and out of the toaster. =O

Answer 6

If you speak of the toaster in your kitchen which warms and browns your breakfast bread: no. If it is a human with a voice giving a toast at an event: very well could be.

Answer 7

They CAN be but we have to be careful not to lump all toasters together. Fairness dictates that we judge all toasters given the totality of their work, the house they live in, the work they are required to do, how often they are used, the type of bread they are required to toast, everything. Judge not, lest you be judged.

Answer 8

Definately! Recently I saw a picture of Beelzebub in my toast, then my toaster started glowing bright red before it jumped off my counter and started chasing my dog. I sprinkled it with holy water and it threw toast at me before it finally died. It now sits on my counter joyfully burning more toast.

Answer 9

Yes my toaster popped out a slice of rye with the 666 on it.

Answer 10

my toast just about jumped out of their crusts when i put them in the toaster... so yes thier evil

Answer 11

only the toaster from that like, 10000 yr old kids show - The Brave Little Toaster or somethin like that. otherwise no. no toasters means no waffles!