I wrote a piece of prose describing a difficult friendship, involving love, bereavement and AIDS.?

Question

Will you read it and comment?

Click here for the short piece of writing:

http://meanderingtrevor.blogspot.com/2007/08/this-is-love-kiddo.html

Answer 1

I think it is tragic because the person in the piece is withdrawing himself and giving up. That is a psychological reply. From an artistic view, it is a pretty good attempt, but it needs some work, although its stoccato rhythm may be representative of the "fits" of emotion and the turmoil of the spirit. You have a good command of language, but it is jarring at times. Again, it may be representative.
I hope that you allow yourself to be open again, if this is somewhat autobiographical, because being open means that one is open to both the good and the bad, joy and pain, but that means being open to life and the opportunities that it affords. Peace be with you.

Answer 2

It's a nice story...I think there are some places you could add some detail, because I really don't develop any attachment to the character - which is really important in something so short. I love your use and command of vocabulary. There are some minor grammar issues, but I wouldn't worry about those if you aren't going any further than your blog with this.
Nice work. Mind if I browse your blog?

Edit: Geez, didn't mean to sound so negative. Hope it didn't come across that way.

Answer 3

First, I'm NOT gay. I'm a casual writer who has written, mostly poetry, since 7-11-67. I'm 51. That fact drew me to your question because I like to read the works of others.
Your piece is VERY WELL WRITTEN, I was "with you" every minute.
One correction I would make, if you plan to publish it: "I haven't been able to sleep...WITHOUT Steve." I would correct it this way because I didn't know if you were talking about the partner you lost, at that point, or your new "attraction."

Answer 4

I'm sorry if what I'm about to say offends you, for you are a self-proclaimed atheist. But I believe the Lord does work in mysterious ways...he answers our prayers...even the prayers we don't acknowledge ourselves to ask. You came across a very special person whose friendship re-ignited once again emotions you thought you'd never feel again. The pain that you must feel at not having the love returned must be immense..but at least you can feel! You're not dead inside. You know now that you are not a lost soul...you can live, you can feel- you can HEAL.

Answer 5

i will say to you what i am certain so many of your friends have said. ten years is too long to grieve the loss of a loved one. if you could ask him would he not say go forward-do not remain in this dark cold place of sorrow. you have missed so much these ten years that it is no wonder when you met someone you could connect with that you would have such strong feelings. i think it is wrong for you to stop communication with him. i think you will suffer more for not having him in your life. i know this is very hard but he has been good for you and now that your heart is open perhaps it won't be long before someone comes along that is available to be all that you need and you will still have your friend. as for you being an atheist i ask you this question-- when your friend was sick and dying a horrible death and you were facing life without him did you never beg and try to bargain with God for a favorable outcome? did you never raise your fist to heaven in anger and defy God to take your friend? did you never ask God to take you instead or to just let your friend not suffer so much? i know these questions don't help you with your situation but they help you to know yourself a little better. looking forward to reading more of your work and i wish you happiness and comfort.

Answer 6

post it under arts, this is for science of psychology, not art critique.

Answer 7

hey man, that was sad! well done, it's heaps good.

Answer 8

DEEP MAN, VERY DEEP