Is it worth it to stay?

Question

I am in a situation where I made some mistakes in my marraige of 7 years. We have one child together, and the past 2 years I've felt all sorts of things that I won't go into here, but fell out of "passion" if not love, with my husband (although he's a good provider). He caught me in an affair and was secretly monitoring my email over 3 weeks before he confronted me. In that time he had all sorts of raunchy pics and emails that I had sent to 2 different men online that I was interested in. He was livid obviously and shared them with his side of the family because they didn't believe him when he told them what I was doing.

Anyway, I have straightened up now and want to try to make things work, but his family looks at me like I'm a horrible person now. Will I have to live under this dark cloud of guilt my whole life while I try to make it up to him? I'm not a bad person, I was just going through a weird period in my life.

some of you don't understand. Yes I know it was horrible to hurt my husband like that - and I pity him when I see the pain on his face. I want to make it up to him. But I'm so humiliated that his 2 pig-headed brothers have all of those rude pics of me that I don't know if I could possibly handle being at a family function with them in the future.

Answer 1

As far as his family goes, you may just have to deal with the consequences of your actions. Your husband turned to who he could,since he couldn't turn to the woman who was supposed to be his best friend. Whether or not you are married to him, his family will always think the same of you. He deserves you making it up to him forever. If you feel guilt forever, maybe you won't do it again.

Answer 2

Everybody makes mistakes and we are all human. If your behavior seems really out of character and your husband thought your marriage was important to you and that you loved him, this was a huge betrayal of the faith he had in you. It was a very ill-thought out idea however, for him to share this indiscretion with anyone. There is no need for a couple in crisis to involve family, as you can see it only causes ill feelings. Then if the couple does reconcile, you spend a lot of time trying to prevent resentful relatives from taking sides and condemning everything you do.
If you are ever to resolve this, your husband has to forgive you, and then tell his family that you made a horrible mistake but the two of you want to make your relationship work and that the family will have to join him in that forgiveness. You may need to seek counseling together in how to deal with this.

Answer 3

One thing is for sure, marriage is worth saving, especially when there is a child involved. I would advise you and your husband to get counseling. I know a lot of men are not eager about seeing a counselor, but I would do my best to get counsel. If he is not willing, I would suggest you at least get some for yourself.

A lot of wrongs have been done on both sides here. How long has it been since your affair? It will definately take time for healing to take place. Your husband did some damage between you and his family by showing them those pictures.
If you guys want to fix this marriage, keep his family out of it.

Love takes work. Of course after time the excitement wears off and real life begins. Choosing to love somebody is much deeper than feeling in love with somebody (however, those feelings can be rekindled with work.)

I really really really suggest you read the book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and/or "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger (you can get them off Amazon.) They will change your marriage and your world! Many couples who have been in deeper trouble than this have saved thier marriages after reading these books.

I will be praying for you! Hang in there!

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Answer 4

You weren't going thru a "weird period". That's how you're trying to justify what you did instead of being honest with yourself and admitting that you are not physically attracted to your husband anymore. If you don't cheat again, you will just be miserable in this relationship and that's not fair to either of you. So, what to do? Remain faithful and miserable? or, be courageous and say "hey, this isn't what i want anymore"....my advice, life's too short to be unhappy and TRUST ME when I tell you, his family will NEVER forget what you've done and NEVER let you live it down. Each person he's told has already told ten more people.....you've got some soul searching to do.

Answer 5

Unfortunately you will be jumping through hoops with his family for a long time. And rightfully so. Even you know you messed up. Though you are not married to his family, you owe them an apology. It will be difficult and they may not believe you. But if you continue to be a good mom to their grand child and most of all a great wife to their son, then things will change. You first must mend your marriage. Your husband must be deeply hurt. But I believe he loves you. You must remember he is going to see those pictures in his head for a long time. If you want this to work and I believe you do, then be ready for a lot of mud back in your face. But take it like a trooper and just keep loving him back. This is not going to be easy, but I know that you can do it. Blessings to you and him.

Answer 6

Let me just say that for one, MOST married women do exactly what you did and NEVER get caught and NEVER TELL. Don't let any of these goody-goodies here or anywhere else make you think different. Most just weren't stupid enough to get caught. With THAT said, so you are falling in and out of "passion, if not love" with the hubby for 7 yrs. NAH, I don't buy it. Don't go trying to make excuses for yourself. You did the dirty deed and were stupid enough to get caught, now take the punishment and responsibility for your wrong. NO EXCUSES, to your in-laws, "yes, I made mistakes, I accept responsibility for them but it's not YOUR business, Johnny Jr. here MY HUBBY, wants to work through this, HIS CHOICE, not YOURS!"

Oh I SEEEEE!! same answer, you made your bed (no pun intended) now take your punishment by laying in it. Yeah, if I were your hubby's bro I would be all over that too. You'ld see those pics hanging of you EVERYwhere.

Answer 7

Yes, you made a mistake but don't beat yourself over it. You are willing to admit it and make amends for it.

For one thing, he should never had shared the information with his side of the family. He did that to make himself feel better. He should have talked to you about his suspicisions if he really wanted to work it out with you. I would suggest marriage counseling if you are really wanting to work it out with him. I hope it works out for you.

Don't worry about his family. You are married to him and him to you and the problem is between the two of you.

Answer 8

First off you were wrong.....that being said

HE MADE IT WORSE!!! If he plans on staying with you he should have never told his family. No one needs to know your personal story. Forget his family, you did not marry them, you married him....remind him of that. They don't provide for you, they don't sleep with you at night so forget them. They will get over it and if they don't, keep your head held high.

Answer 9

I would actually scold the crap out of your husband for making private information public. Everyone makes mistakes and so has your husband. Just make sure when he screws up, and he will, that the whole family knows about it.

Answer 10

From what I have read, probably not. I can't see your husband and relatives letting you live this down for several years and the pictures will always surface at the worst time. Be patient and see but sooner or later, you will probably be back looking for another lover to ease the pain your husband is going to and is causing. Just remember not to get pregnant. The dark cloud will be there until the divorce is final. You never wrote that the passion is back, just that you are trying to make things better. While you are trying, keep secretly saving money to get a lawyer. Keep an eye on his cell phone records to be able to catch him cheating as well. Then it will negate your cheating when you get divorced. Happy orgasms.