What is the best way to fight hate and anger towards your spouse during separation/ divorce?

Answer 1

Forgive, and mention not; and ask nothing in return for your act of forgiveness.

Answer 2

Understand that separation and divorce are top stressors and also are the end of a lot of important hopes, and dreams. Like a death, it is a series of deaths and so you need to honor the natural rise of pain that shows in anger, hate, jealousy, and l am sure you can add a few to the list. When we feel the natural distress of losing something that was important at one point to us, we tend to externalize it, which means you take what is inside and put it on something or someone outside.
The truth is that hating your spouse will stop as soon as you come to terms with what has happened, allow yourself to experience the natural grief, and change your perspective. I call it "re-framing"...when you don't like something you try to see it differently...it helps with exercising patience and compassion for others. If you take care of yourself, you can extend your highest, best personage to others. Every experience gives us an opportunity to be our best person, and this is yours.

Answer 3

OH WOW ...THIS IS A TOUGH ONE, BUT I WILL TRY TO ANSWER AS BEST AS i CAN...i WAS ONCE SEPARATED/DIVORCED SEVERAL YRS AGO AND HE HELD A LOT OF RESENTMENT TOWARDS ME BECAUSE I AM THE ONE THAT LEFT. HE BLAMED ME FOR EVERYTHING. I TOOK IT WITH A GRAIN OF SALT BECAUSE I KNEW HE WOULD REACT HARSHLY BECAUSE HE WAS DUMPED AND IT WAS HARD FOR A CONTROLLING PERSON TO TAKE THAT THEY LOST THE CONTROL. SO IF IT IS YOU THAT FEELS ANGRY. HERE IS WHAT I DID AND WOULD DO....DO NOT HAVE CONTACT WITH THIS EX...THE LESSER THE BETTER REMEMBER THAT. ONLY CONTACT THIS PERSON THRU A 3RD PARTY SAY THRU YOU GUY'S LAWERS . AND NEVER EVER SHOOT THE PERSON DOWN INFRONT OF THE KIDS. NEVER BECAUSE IT WILL BACK FIRE. TRUST ME IT WILL. YOU WILL HAVE KIDS RUNNING BACK N FORTH SAYING MOM SAID THIS OR DAD SAID THIS BLAH BLAH BLAH THEN IT GETS THE OTHER PERSON MAD AND CALLING AND CUSSING AND THE DRAMA STARTS ALL OVER AGAIN. SO THE BOTTOM LINE IS LESS CONTACT W/THIS PERSON SEE THE REASON FOR DIVORCE IS FOR U AND THAT PERSON NOT TO BE TOGETHER AND NOT HAVE CONTACT.JUST GO YOUR WAY AND KEEP THE PEACE BY NOT TAKING ANY OF THE ANGRY PERSONS CALLS BECAUSE IT WILL JUST ERUPT INTO BAD FEELINGS AND IF THERE ARE KIDS INVOLVED...THEY DO NOT NEED TO HEAR OR SEE IT BECAUSE THEN THEY FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE TO CHOOSE SIDES AND THAT IS NOT FAIR FOR ANY KID. HOPE THIS HELPS A LIL BIT.

Answer 4

Greetings!

Here are a couple of thoughts:

1) Remember the good. Surely there were/are good qualities about them that you found attractive in the beginning. You shared some good times? You two had something in common? Start by remembering those things.

2) Look at all of this as one big LESSON. Your marriage was a class you attended everyday. You were teachers for each other. Now that the "class is over", what did you learn? Look at each other merely as teachers and have gratitude for the lessons.

3) (I know, I said a couple ) Be in the NOW. What's done is done and you can't go back and fix that. Be here...be now and focus on where you are and where you're heading. In this moment, choose Peace....Love and Compassion.

I wish you Peace.

Answer 5

Maybe I was in business for myself to long but after getting over the emotional part a little bit , I handled it like a business transaction so I would use my head and not my heart , it kept the hate and anger to a minimum plus I believe in what goes around comes around she will get hers and I think she has but I have no contact so I don't know how bad she got it , but from what I hear it isn't what she was expecting.......

Answer 6

Seriously, I wish prayer and therapy had worked in my home. You really find out what kind of person you were married to when you start the separation/divorce process. It is a conscious battle and I struggle everyday. I hope you find peace and forgiveness.

Answer 7

If need be, go get some therapy. It never hurts to have a professional to talk to about these things. U could also try some breathing exercises to help calm u down, or a count down (20-0) or more if u need it. Go to the gym & workout with the punching bag....yeah buddy. That one really helps. The really old fashion remedy & this still works for me, coloring books. Just sit down with a big box of crayons & just color. U'll be surprised how relaxed, u'll feel. And try to stay away from them, unless kids are involved, & for the kids sake, be civil.

Answer 8

Oh it is so hard to not be cruel to the spouse when you are seperated or divorcing!!!! This is a tough one, but, I do think praying about it would help. Ask God to show you when to walk away and when to keep your mouth shut. I know this is hard for you, but, you can get through it.

Answer 9

Before you speak say the serenity pray in your head, realize the spouse is not going to change, believe you are the bigger and better person, bite your tongue, and maybe you'll have to say I'll get back to you on that

Answer 10

The best way is to understand. And to forgive. If you can understand why and what, then you can move on with your life without bitterness. Luck!