how do i survive? how do i leave my husband?

Question

I have nothing.He controls everything.If I left I would leave with nothing.I have a car now but I know he would take it from me since it is his through the bank.He would make everything impossible for me.I believe he wouldn't pay child support at least he says he will work and not use his social so I cannot get the support I deserve.I know he would be given a job without his social too.People will help him accomplish that.I would leave without anything.I don't have anywhere to go.I have a poor family which cannot financially help me.I have two kids that will be in need.If I were to go back to my mom's she lives in a little town out in the country where there is no transit system and the one taxi that is there will break the bank.I feel so lost.When I met him I was independant.I had my own car, a good job etc.Since I have had the kids I have had to work around his schedule,relocate,drop my dreams so he could accomplish his.My credit is messed up now.Please no negative comments.

It's not working.He used to be physically abusive.He stopped after I had him arrested a few times.Now he's verbally abusive,controls everything.We don't get along.He cheated on me 3 times.I cannot forgive him.He shows no remorse.

i've been to shelters before and you would think it would be a comfortable place for me and my kids but its not.most of the places don't have enough beds,clothes or personal products and you would think women there would be understanding but they aren't.Other women there talk about others and some of the couselors aren't supportive.

what i am doing is i am saving money slowly. everytime he gets paid i take some from his pockets.he isn't very good at counting his money.If I get caught, I'm pretty much numb to any reaction he might show.

i won't leave my kids with him. i can't do that

Colleen:yes I have use of the car he pays for.I have debated taking it with me.But legally I don not believe I will even be allowed to keep it.As far as getting off of my butt, I do what I can to make a living.I use craigslist to sell what I can.I also take on any small translating jobs.I cannot afford daycare.The ss won't help me with daycare while I am with him because they say he makes too much.I would be looking at approximately close to $800-$1,000 in daycare expenses alone.That would be my whole paycheck if I even make that much.I have no family members with me in the state I live in.If I were to go back to NC where my mom lives he would find me there and who knows what he will do.On top of that sometimes my mom isn't supportive.She has encouraged me going back to him before.She is bi-polar.It is very hard to live with her.She argues with me about my parenting and also about privacy issues.I have offered to help pay bills there before when i needed to stay and she would say no

She sisn't like the idea of one of her rooms being locked when I needed my space or needed to calm my children when she would g into a rage.I am not trying to make excuses for everything.I will be looking at all of the responses and see what I can do to help myself and my children.My husband has NEVER hurt my children.That would be the death of him.

Answer 1

im in the same boat. 4 kids asshole husband. i want to leave but we are 500 miles from our family and he works i stay home with kids so i to have no money to leave. i feel your pain.

Answer 2

If you do decide to leave, you should at least have the child support order put on him. If he doesn't have a taxable income, he will still owe you that money. If he refuses to pay, it could mess up his credit, he could lose his license, all back support would add up so when he does have a taxable income, you will get the money plus back pay, and any tax return he gets will be yours. If he doesn't have a taxable income until after you kids are 18, he still owes the money to them. Even if this doesn't help you out now, it still kind of gets him back for all the BS he's putting you though now.

As far as getting away now, try looking on the Internet, and doing research. There are many programs that are designed to help single moms get on their feet. You can find help with housing, income, and school if you choose to do it.
What ever you find now might not be the situation you desire, but if you really are determined, you can turn your life around and be independent again. You and your kids deserve a better life.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

The best thing to do is set this guy up. Tell noone you are planning to go. Get to an attorney that is good and willing to fight, if need be, and get ready for a nasty divorce.

I told noone I was leaving. I consulted with a terrific attorney for over two months before I left my ex, who was as mean as a snake all the time, not to mention a raging drunk. I got everything in order and filed on him five days before Christmas last year. My divorce was final August 29th. I have the house, my car, my kids, and he pays alimony and child support, and I am in school full-time, AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER.

The hardest step is the first---after that, it is like strolling through a park. You do not need to live like a prisoner.

Just be sure you are really, truly ready---then---and only then would I set the wheels rolling. Good Luck~~~When he is finally gone it feels like a ten ton weight is off your back...trust me.

Answer 4

Tiffany you have everything you need to not just survive, but to prosper. First, understand this, you are not trapped, go to a woman's shelter with the children and the clothes on your back. It might seem extreme, but believe me this is the best thing you can do for your schildren and yourself. Do it before you change your mind, because once you get out, and you get your mind clear, you will see that this man is abusive. As soon as possible go to the banks and get your credit card cancelled and do everything you can to make sure you are not further dragged into debt. It is time to put your kids first and be a great Mom which means you take care of you first, them second and everything else follows. Trust me, you will be able to not just survive, but prosper. put your faith in yourself, and value yourself, and understand that in a few years, this will simply be a bump in the road, but for today, leave with your children and go to the nearest shelter. It is amazing how many doors open when you allow yourself to trust your instinct.
You are a smart woman, and very capable...remember that!

Answer 5

Don't leave yet. Try to establish your independence again. Can you get a job without letting him know it's because you want to leave? Tell him it's because you want to provide more for the family, or something he'll believe. Then start your own secret bank account until you have your own money to live on your own. I know many friends who did it this way. It's okay to plan this out methodically. It's actually smarter. I also know friends who when they go shopping at Target, buy gift cards they put away. So the spouse doesn't know they're buying them. And that way when you are on your own, you can buy things with it later. You can do this at Home Depot stores, grocery stores. A little $25 extra on the bill can be written off as groceries. They don't know. Good luck!

Answer 6

Okay this is really tough....... your husband is one of those guys taht asks really awesome at first and then they slowly destroys you! Does he know u go on here? hide your passwords and stuff. Seriously. Does he beat you?? You need to get some help and fast! How does he treat the children?? You can call the police secretly and ask what u can do or some type of emergency center for women. Try and get the kids in day care and find a job even if its part-time don't let him tell u what to do but don't go off like your gonna leave u have to play it samrt and have a plan set out first. I know there are special numbers you can call try checking the phone books secretly or the internet. You could go into a witness protection program and just leave w/ out saying anything....... plz go to your doctor or a doctor he dosn't know of and tell them what u asked here and they can refer you to places! If he used your credit w/ out your permission you can fight for that get a lawyer.... he may get angry w/ u and deny the charges when doing this you must be in a SAFE palce and have legal advice and secirity. Pray to Saint Joseph and God to help u to.
Good Luck!!!!!! don't worry there are solutions out there

Answer 7

You are in a predicament aren't you? Is your husband abusive or just controlling? You need a job, your own bank account, your own car and a good attorney. Since you have none of that you need to contact your local women's shelter that helps abused women. They can give you a game plan to follow to leave him and get on your feet plus they can even let you stay at one of their shelters. Obviously you are able to get away from him for a while as you posted this question on the internet.

My advice would be to start planning your getaway. First of all try to get a small passbook savings account set up in your name and start stashing cash. Try to get a part-time job. Try to document everything your husband does that causes you fear and in which he won't allow you any freedom. Find a good attorney who could give you advice.

Also, stash a suitcase somewhere with clothes and items you can grab if one night it becomes violent and you need to make a run for it with your kids. Put copies of birth certificates, drivers license, etc. in it. Keep it well hidden.

Plan out everything in advance before you actually leave him - because that's when guys like this turn violent - when they know you want out or you actually leave.

Good luck. This should be a lesson to all women to keep their independence and their own bank accounts when they get married!

Answer 8

Go to a women's network something for "domestic abuse". He might not be abusing you violently but he is definetely doing something along those lines. All of those women felt the same way as you. I think there is a 800 number too. For domestic violence. Just call them and ask for support. Say that he threatened to slap you and is financially dominating you. There. That will help. You want out of this marriage. So remember that money is not everything but work your way back up. You will gain your self respect. Pray to God too. That helps because opportunities will open. You will start to meet people who will help you along the way. Start the phonecall though. It will help you in tremendous ways. However dont sugar coat the truth. You know there is a good and valid reason why you want out of the marriage trap.

Answer 9

http://www.singlerose.com/links/index.html?Rose_Session=350f38891d371e28660d61ab6b66ba19

You need to use this computer you're on...


For your advantage.

Every State has organizations that can help you. Type it up, and you'll see. There are many Government Assistance programs your State offers to Abused or Single Mothers.

What kind of job does he have? If you relocated, and he ended up acomplishing his dreams....what dreams were those? Because if he has a good paying Job, and you two are legally married, and have children together..

He has to pay YOU...

Childsupport, spouse support, and so on. I almost divorced my husband and was seperated from him. And he's Military, but he still had to get a Civilian Attorney, and childsupport was $320 for each child....and he had to pay this to me by law for the 6 months we were seperated. That was in Hawaii. Childsupport of course is different in every state.

If you have a car...he can't take this away from you, because you have the kids. So even if he's paying for it...you stay with it until you can make other arragements. But you have to go and get free advice from a lawyer at least at your state.

http://www.themodernwomansdivorceguide.com/mediator/guidelines.php...

Go to the State Resources Area..

http://www.themodernwomansdivorceguide.com/states/

It will be hard...but it's better than staying in an abusive relationship.

You have no friends?...No Family Member?....No one?. Even if you have to stay with your mom.....even if it's as bad as you say...no transit....and so on.

Isn't it worse for you and your children to stay with a man who has abused you? I would rather be stuck in the country than stuck in a household with a man of this caliber.

Take the car....and go to your moms house when it get's to that point were you have gathered enough money. If he shows up...all you have to do is call the cops before hand and press charges...of any kind. At that point....say anything and do anything to keep those children and yourself away from him.

Good Luck to you,
Lucy

P.S. Get proof of his unfaithfulness somehow if you can. Telephone bills....copies of computer chat room logs...and so on. You can use that proof to get him in court.

Answer 10

If you need to leave him, just do it. Don't think about the money issues. Trust me, it'll work out. Maybe you could leave with the kids in the day when he's not in. And take the car with you. When you reach your mom's or a friends's try and get a job asap. And send him divorce papers asap too. Hit him with the whole thing so quickly that his head spins, and he won't have time to react. The money issues will work out. I believe God provides for each of us. Try your best, and i'm sure you can make it. It won't be easy, but you and your kids will make it. All the best!

Answer 11

First---Read this quote:


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

a return to love - marianne williamson
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Now go to the nearest Blockbuster and rent "Enough" starring Jennifer Lopez. Watch it.

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You can do this, just believe in yourself and get out of there! Life is too short to stick around where you don't need to be. It may be rough, it may be challenging, but if it is worth it at the end of the day, then you need to do it. For yourself, and for your children.


*I wish you the best.*