Our son (11 months) just had a triple organ transplant in November and he is a lot of work to take care of. He gets medicine every couple of hours so we are up all night. He also has a feeding tube and an ostomy which require a lot of care. He goes to the hospital three times a week between speech therapy and checkups with the transplant team. Long story short, we are exhausted. Now he wants to move his stepdad in from Nebraska (we are in DC) b/c he lost his job and does not want to take one out there. He wants to keep a job w/the same company because he "likes to travel". I told him no way he just needs to find a job where he is, but my husband told him he can stay with us FOR A FEW MONTHS while he saves money for an apartment out here. Am I nuts or should he tell him to find another way?
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that our son is immunosuppressed and can get very sick if he's exposed to something he's not used to (i.e. an asshole from Nebraska).
2007-12-30 06:28:12 · 11 answers · asked by ashley b 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband definately knows how I feel and why and he insists on letting him stay. What should I do?
2007-12-30 06:38:03 · update #1
You have enough on your hands than to take in a semi-permanent house guest. I agree with you totally that you don't need another person to take care of. If your husband can't see that then put your foot down. Tell him if he wants to be with his stepdad then go move in with him!!!
2007-12-30 06:36:37 · answer #1 · answered by Needtoknow 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to be asking this question of your sons doctors. If your son has a depressed immune system with all of the other medical problems he has experienced, it really is not a good idea to bring other people into the picture.
I don't think that calling your husbands stepfather names is going to help the situation, even if he is not the most acceptable of people; although I can understand your frustration.
If you present this possibility to your son's doctor/s and medical team, I am sure that they will recommend that this additional person in the home is a very bad, and potentially dangerous to your son's health; idea.
You and your husband need to be putting all of your strength into helping your son improve and remaining strong in your marriage.
Adding an other family member to the home that is unemployed is only going to be adding more stress and reasons for exhaustion to the mix.
I hope that you can get the support you need to avoid more trauma/drama in your lives.
If your husbands stepdad wants to move to your area, he should have a new job secured and a place of his own to reside in when he does so.
There are too many families that have people move in for a short period of time and the moocher is still there years later and the marriages are destroyed because of it. Your son needs both of his parents, even more so due to his health problems.
My family and I will say a prayer for the health and well being of your son and your family. I hope that everything works out well for you.
Happy New Year.
2007-12-30 14:46:05 · answer #2 · answered by Sue F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your are right on this one. You can't expose your baby with this condition to stuff like this. i am very sorry to hear about your child and my prayers are with you and your family. I would honestly sit down with your husband an tell him that his stepdad needs to find an apt before moving to dc. Have him stay with you for a few days until he gets one, but limit it to a week at the most. Your child is number one right now and having a housequest for that long will take time away from the baby. Unless his stepdad is willing to help take care of the baby so you and your hubby can get some rest would be nice. Do what you feel is going to be best for your child and don't cave in for anything else.
2007-12-30 14:37:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry you guys are going throu so much
That asshole might be Godsend, that asshole might just turn out to be helpful. like letting you get a few hours sleep while he wash over your son and maybe you might be able to just relax for minute during the day because some else can look in to see if the baby is ok
Noted that it will work if this man have any redeemable quality, but since you know him but I don't that should be your call, also you should question your husband why does he wants him around
Good luck
2007-12-30 14:51:34 · answer #4 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I definitely agree that now is not the time for anyone else to move in to the house due to your son's illness. I am really surprised that your husband can't see this but men are dense sometimes.
I would stick to your guns about NO houseguests, however, that would also go for you too (just in case you decide to have a relative come for awhile too).
Maybe to show your support to your husband's family you could help his stepdad find an alternative housing arrangement in your city - just not with you.
2007-12-30 14:46:37 · answer #5 · answered by jenny s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is under as much stress as you are, and it's obviously affecting his ability to think clearly and make decisions. However, I'm wondering if he thinks that his dad will help the two of you take care of your son, which will give you kind of a break? I don't know, but maybe you could ask him.
Since he's as overwhelmed as you are, it's time to remind him that you and he have an obligation to your son, period. You don't have any secondary obligations right now, and that's the end of the discussion. I think your husband will see the light, but if he doesn't, call your father-in-law yourself and tell him that he can't come. It sounds like you hate this guy anyway, so who cares what he thinks.
When you have children, the world revolves around them, and you don't have to make any excuses for that.
2007-12-30 14:43:33 · answer #6 · answered by No Shortage 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he needs to find someplace else to stay. period. you guys have enough on your hands, with out adding him to the mix.
i dont think i would use the "asshole from nebraska" as your son getting sick, he could come in to contact with a germ leaving your house...i wouldnt go there. just make it known that you wont have it, period.
2007-12-30 14:42:10 · answer #7 · answered by poodle mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the 1st 2 answers
2007-12-30 14:47:10 · answer #8 · answered by Barbie V 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now is NOT the time for a houseguest! That Nebraska dude needs to make alternate plans!!!!!!!!!
2007-12-30 14:31:45 · answer #9 · answered by Marina 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think now is a bad time to have some one move in with you, and you need to tell him that and explain it to him,the stepfather, it would put to much stress on the family right now and it would not be a healthy environment for your son
2007-12-30 14:36:54 · answer #10 · answered by George 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋