Should I get Divorced?

Question

I been married for 7 years and we have 2 kids, my son is 6 and my daughter is 4.

About 2 years ago the sex stopped, she sleeps in my sons room and I sleep alone, the last time I had sex with her was about 2 months ago....before we had kids we had sex often but now sex life is dead with her, I try to get her in the mood but she is a dead fish. I tell her that I need for her to start acting like a wife and not just a roomate but she just thinks I'm kidding. I can't go on anymore... we had sex 3 days ago and when I was kissing her there was no sparks at all and it felt weird like if I was kissing my sister... I been going out and hanging out with my brother who is single and going to pubs and clubs and I'm alway meeting beautiful women that are interested in me. The other day I made out with this woman at a club and I felt alive again... I don't feel love for my wife anymore... and I love my kids, but we only live once and I'm still young, I'm only 34, should I find my happiness? ?

I had sex with her 3 days ago before then was 2 months and before then was like 4 months.

Answer 1

You're in a sad situation. Just some thoughts. I'm not making any judgments, but divorce would be better than cheating on your wife. You need to talk to her and tell her how you feel, just like you posted here. She needs to know what you're thinking and the direction you feel this is taking you. After that you both should see a marriage counselor. I think these steps should be taken before you can find the answer to your question. And during the whole process, consider your kids and how they will look at you when they grow up and find out how this all played out. Will they say "wow, my Dad really did the right thing by Mom" and have respect for you? or will they be disappointed?

Answer 2

Let me say that I know EXACTLY how you feel. I've been dealing with the same thing -- only I've been married for much longer and have gone completely without sex for many years. The feelings go from frustrated, to hurt, to sad, to angry and back again. When you have so many mixed feelings for a person that you were once crazy about, it's hard to feel "sexy". I'll bet that all the mixed emotions you feel for her, she feels the same way about you.

I was all set to have an affair so I started taking much better care of myself -- dressing better, taking more pride in my appearance, looking and smelling beautiful at all times -- and guess what? He can't keep his hands off me. The dead has arisen! After years and years of feeling unwanted and undesirable, it seems that all I had to to do was put forth some effort for ANOTHER MAN, and it caught my man's attention.

This may sound crazy, but if you're bound and determined to have an affair, I wouldn't divorce your wife. First of all, what starts off wrong, doesn't end up right. If it's love you're looking for in a club, you can forget it. I don't believe you'll meet the woman of your dreams and live happily ever after through an illicit affair. If it's sex you're looking for, use protection and have some discreet sex... of course, you need to be aware that you may very well get caught and lose everything. Is it worth it?

I believe you love your wife or you wouldn't be asking for advice. Yes, you are young. I just turned 40 so I'm young too and I really do know how you feel. You're also young yet in your marriage and the two of you can do much better. Don't wait for her to "start acting like a wife". With 2 little kids, she's stuck in mommy mode, not wife mode. Stop complaining and start helping out. Stop clubbing and start rubbing her feet. There's nothing sexier than a man washing the dishes and putting the kids to bed so his wife can take a bubble bath and feel like a woman again.

If you truly don't have feelings for your wife --- then yes, divorce her.

Answer 3

Hi, I am going to be honest and a little harsh with you, but I hope I can help.
Women don’t just change out of nothing. And it so obvious that she is not getting the sex out side for she sounds like a good loyal wife that is taking good care of the kids.
The sex stopped because women have sex normally when they love and yearn for the man. However when she feels that her man is not giving her the attention and love she and her kids need , or have no compassion for her own feelings and leave all the burden on her . And most importantly has got his priorities all messed up. That is when the women starts withdrawing slowly, hoping for you to understand her and read the signs.
Some women can be very open about their feelings and frustrations, yet others are not, and they hope that their man would feel and see what they are going through.
Why don’t you for a change, Talk to her, ask her about how you can help her in anything, ex. with kids, house, chores and family. It is easy for you to say that you love your kids, but are you there 24/7 for them, like she is?
You are looking for pure sex and not love making and if she is not reciprocating because she is like a volcano ready to erupt with so much hidden pain. She is accommodating your needs but the spark is dead , she does not love you like she used to and her love for you didn’t just die overnight , it a build up of event , and unresolved issues . when you don’t see things the same way and you keep a build up of problems on the back burner without takling them head-on.
It seems that your wife is very depressed and you must have been the reason, she is devoting all her time to the kids and the house while you are out there in bars looking for flings, instead of trying to mend your own marriage, are you for real? Women are not stupid and they know and smell things even from a distance.
You are so selfish and you should take a very good and hard look at what you have done and continue to do without giving an ounce of emotions to what your wife is going through. If you break this marriage up, you will definitely be the biggest looser, for a mother like her would get the custody of the children. All I can say please grow up, you say you are 34 yet you act like a 19 year old.

Answer 4

There's only 3 real possibilities: she is fully satisfied by some young stud outshining you, she feels distant from you (most women value intimacy over sex), or BOTH. Either of these is probably a symptom of an underlying problem. Are you growing deeper roots than the plastic plant in your office? Did she find your porno stash? Did you insult her mother? Find the root of the problem, tackle that, emerge stronger, and f**k like wilderbeest!
She's probably just waiting for you to approach the subject with sympathy and an open mind. Let her know you still love her, the kids, you want to make itwork et.c. Women place a premium on the spoken word. It may not work immediately, but hang tough. Til she cheats on you or something that serious, you have to tough it out. if you had no kids, i would be giving different advice, but for what its worth. i think you have to have the best interests of the children. If you must, buy a fleshlight

Answer 5

First I would find out why she is no longer interested in sex. However if there is no spark and you can't work things out after talking about it then, you should start discussing getting separated. It sound s like you have already made up your mind though, if yu are going out to clubs and looking for other women

Answer 6

Searching for happiness in a wrong way often leads to a greater unhappiness.

I suggest that you go with your wife for marriage counselling in order to resolve your problems.

The two of you got married for life. And this means that you've promised each other to stay together even when things don't go well.

Answer 7

Maybe you should think about your kids before you go hooking up with other women, And instead of going to pubs and clubs think about your kids, my exact point is your 32 not 21. If you dont love her talk about it, and see what she thinks about getting a divorce or maybe ask her what is bothering her. have you tryed to talk.

Answer 8

I'm confused.. first you say the last time you had sex with her was 2 months ago.. and then you said it was 3 days ago....

Answer 9

I kinda went thought the same thing. My now ex-husband was the 'roommate'. Give counseling a chance. You might have a marriage worth saving. At least find that out so you won't have any 'what ifs'. Counseling really showed me what was real.

Answer 10

first- dont cheat! it makes you the bad guy
second- get therapy
divorce is Not the answer