Do you consider Father's Rights(men's rights) in every situation, even when it hinders your affairs?

Question

When marrying a woman who has children, do you or would you consider the father's rights when it comes to the children?

Would you encourage a relationship with the father, instead of letting ego and selfishness control you to want to 'take over' as father?

Would you push and convince to allow the father joint custody even though you and your wife may lose financial benefits?

Would you attempt to stay out of the child's affairs when it is something that a father should make a decision on(involve the father in decisions)?

Thank you Planet for sharing an isolated story that sheds negative light towards men. Maybe we can tell bad stories about the opposite sex sometime... but this question is for when it applies. My cousin's wife left him with the kids and no contact for years...should that hinder women's rights towards their children?
The 'staying out of the child's affairs when it's a father's issue' is a question for step-fathers and not mothers.

Answer 1

Obviously, I'm not a man but I think that same considerations would be applicable to a woman marrying a man with children. If a child is with you and living in your house, for the most part, everyday or even for just part of the week, you're likely to become attached to that child. You're likely to have to fill the role of mother or father for that child on occassion just by virtue of the fact that the child is with you and not with it's biological parent.

I would imagine that it's very, very difficult to sit back and let something happen that you don't agree with or to stand back and not be involved in important decisions involving the child that you've probably come to love (you really shouldn't marry a person with a child if you can't love that child as you would love your own) or watch the parent make what you perceive to be mistakes in his/her rearing and remain silent.

Ideally, the adults involved would be selfless in their quest to do what is best for the child but that's rare and we are imperfect humans who have feelings and emotions that we cannot control.

Answer 2

I have a bias in this arena due to the fact that I am a father. If my wife & I were to divorce & if there was a step-dad, I would absolutely want to be involved with decisions that affect my children.

Any man that enters a relationship with a divorced woman with kids has to expect the biological father will not just fade away into the night.

For these reasons, if I were to enter a new relationship with a woman that had kids, I would totally respect their relationship with their biological father.

Answer 3

Given the situation's you've drawn up - I can speak with some experience as I had step-children while I was married.
I recall phoning America all the way from England to talk to the Father of my step-son. He was a fairly decent guy, as far as I could tell from the few moments of conversation I got with him.
Also, my step-daughters father seemed ok on the occasions I met or engaged in phone conversation with him too.
I did consider their rights and also encouraged their relationship. One area that did concern me greatly was the my wife's so-called mother used to knock the children around and my wife would turn a blind eye (even when she blamed her innocent husband for her crimes to the step-son's 'therapist').
Due to this, I contacted CPS and had already tried to get my step-son's therapists involved so they could step in to protect the children.
I also contacted the father's involved so they would be aware of the abuses their children were enduring.
As for money, my wife made more money than most folks I knew anyway (not that I pried into people's wages, unlike her so-called mother) so never gave that much thought.

On the other hand, I like to enjoy life without drawing up political opinions on every itty bit of experiences. So when I'm talking to people (e.g. chatting up a woman somewhere, or such) - I don't give FR or MR much thought.

Answer 4

We had a divorced neighbor with four boys. For several years those kids would sit on their front steps every Sunday morning waiting for their dad to come pick them up. He rarely showed up---maybe every 4th or 5th week. One by one the older boys stopped waiting and one by one they started resenting their father. By the time he wanted a relationship with his kids, they were not interested. By all means, I support a father's rights to joint custody. What is in the best interest of the kids should always come first in a divorce. The question is: are most men ready to accept joint custody?

As for "staying out a child's affairs when it is something that a father should make a decision on" ----isn't that going against what joint custody is all about? Joint custody depends on both sides being adult enough to put their own interests aside and make ALL decisions regarding the child TOGETHER.

Kendrick: I stand corrected on the "stay out a child's affairs..." comment. I see now that you were addressing that to step fathers.

Answer 5

In my experience, men who marry women with children almost always encourage the bio-father to participate. Step-fathers are rarely a problem, although feminists like to paint a different story. Step-mothers, however, are usually emotionally abuse.

The Cinderella tale exists for a reason.

Answer 6

I consider everyone's rights. Luckily, I never do anything in which fatherhood is involved.