Family in the delivery room, how do I tell them NO?!!?

Question

I am pregnant with my first and due any day now. My husband is the only one I want in the delivery room with me, I prefer to be left alone. But our family members are driving me crazy thinking this is going to be a TV birth and they will all need to rush to the hospital as soon as I go into labor. How can I tell them I dont want any visitors while Im in labor, and after I will need some alone time with the baby to nurse and recover. Ive told them all its going to take several hours and there will be no reason to rush, but they dont seem to get it. I dont want a million people around, I dont want people holding my baby untill shes had bonding time with myslef and my husband and Im going to need REST after! This is both of our parents first grandchild, and I want them to be involved, but I just dont want the stress of dealing with visitors when Im in pain and tired, what can I do? I dont want to sound selfish, but dont want to snap in front of everyone, please help?!

Answer 1

It's pretty simple - be assertive and direct and tell them what you want. Explain that you want this to be private and that there will be plenty of time after the baby is born that everyone will be able to hold her and love her up, but during the birth you prefer to be alone with your husband.

They will respect what you ask of them as long as you're firm and direct, no matter how excited they are.

If you're too uncomfortable doing so, ask your labor nurse to be the gatekeeper and have her tell visitors that they will need to wait until permission has been given by the parents (you) to have visitors.

Answer 2

Seeing that this is not a scheduled birth, when the time comes, ask your husband not to call any of the family members until just before or after the baby arrives.
Or, you could just let the doctor and hospital staff know ahead of time that you do not want family members other than your husband, in the room with you.
Shortly after the birth, even your husband will have to leave the room for 'clean up' and other than the father, other visitors are asked to leave the room when feeding unless otherwise arranged.
Truthfully, once the baby has arrived, the feelings you have about being alone will disappear. You will be so consumed and proud of the little one that you will be amazed as to why you felt what you feel now.
It will be fine!

Answer 3

I do not think it will be a problem, the hospital is only going to let yourself and a person you choose into the delivery room.

There will be no cameras or big huge windows where there is an audience. And once the baby is delivered , the hospital staff will not be handing your newborn around like a sack of crisps.
The family will all be in a waiting area. And be havin a fun time bonding with each other. While you and your mate will be bonding in the most amazing way two people can.

Cheers and Happy New Year to all.

Answer 4

Hi, I've been reading some of the answers to your question and alot of people are telling you to avoid the issue. This in my opinion is very wrong. Unfortunately, I've had too many experiences with pushy relatives and avoiding is only going to make matters worse. You will still more than likely have to deal with the fallout afterword. That isn't healthy. Believe me there will be future instances of the same type of inconsideration. You need to simply communicate! Be direct, polite, short and sweet. It's a skill that becomes easier with practice. You don't need to sneak into the delivery room or avoid. You aren't doing anything underhanded or wrong. YOU'RE having your first child! I'm a mother of two grown daughters and just became a first time grandmother this past August, so I've had some life experience to say the least. Have your husband run the interference for you by allowing him to contact key people. Believe me the word about your wishes will be spread at lightning speed. In the long run, your family and friends will respect you for it. Have him do it today. Relax and enjoy this precious, beautiful time. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

Have the staff at the hospital tell them that everything is fine and that all guests (including family members) per your instructions, should wait in the waiting room (or go home) and your husband will call with an update on how the baby is doing. Or, if you guys have a close friend that can relay the info to your parents (and any other major worry-warts), that would be even better- so you can both focus more on each other and on spending time with your little one. Anyone who does not respect your wishes to be left alone to bond with your hubby and your little one is being selfish, not you. Let them know that you love them all but that if they care about you, they will respect your wishes.

Answer 6

I was just in the same situation on Christmas Eve. Our first baby! While I was only in labor 4 hours I liked having people in while I was in labor. My husband was rubbing my back (back labor) his mom was rubbing my feet, my sister was rubbing my hand, and someone else( I don't know who, and frankly didn't care) was stroking my head and putting a could towel on my forehead! I wanted anything possible to distract my mind from the pain. Didn't get the epidural until I was an 8. It wasn't like the movies where they put the baby on your chest and let you bond. The nurses took her cleaned her up and let my husband and I kiss her and they took her away for 4 hours to do the test they do on new Born's! She was healthy, that was just their routine procedures. I do agree with not letting everyone hold the baby because she will be extremely sore The next day. From the travel out and all the holding!

I had to have a 4th degree episiotomy and used forceps! Hope you don't have to go through that!
I also. hope you are blessed with a fast labor like I Was!

Answer 7

If you aren't wanting to cause tension in your family then my suggestion would be to ask your nurse to help you. As a nurse we have no problem being the "bossy ones" and YOU are our patient not your family. I am sure that if you tell your nurse that you are wanting to be alone with just your husband that she would be more than willing to take the blame with the family by saying she will only allow the husband. I have done it for others so I don't see why she wouldn't. Also I think that in most places they don't let that many people in and visiting hours aren't very long. Plus nurses are pretty good at realizing you need rest and can ask family to leave or limit their time with you. Remember that it is your day and a very personal thing so make sure you do it the way you want to :D

Answer 8

First of all, how does your husband feel about this? If he knows how you feel, it is also his responsibility to make sure your wishes are respected. Secondly, unless you or your husband tell your family members you've gone to th hospital, how would they know? Do not call them until the baby has arrived. Just be prepared that they might be upset that they were not informed of your labor, but seriously, they will get over it once they are able to hold their new grandchild. Also tell the nurses that under no circumstances are they to allow any visitors until you are ready. They will support your decision.

With my first child I never even really thought about it, but wasn't really worried about it either way, I wound up having everyone and their brother in there (my labor was fast) and I just said oh well and didn't care. Honestly I was so concerned about the pain I was in I didn't realize who all was there until after the fact! With my next two, I had preemies, so I only had my DH and mother in law present, I would have enjoyed more company afterwards because my babies went to the NICU an I had to wait befor eI could go visit them.

After giving birth you may feel perfectly fine, depending on how fast/slow your labor is. If you have a long draw out labor and you are exhausted, your families should respect your wishes and wait to come up. If you really feel fine, you can always tell them they are welcome to come asap.

but like I said:
Tell your husband
Tell the nurses
Don't call family until the baby is born! Or if you are just excited and you HAVE to tell someone, tell someone who you know will respect your wishes!


Good luck and congrats!

Answer 9

Nothing selfish about it, you have that right. I personally wanted my Mother there through labor but only my hubby for birth and my Mom respected that wish by staying out in the waiting room. Since this is your first I would say you will probably have a different view once you are there and scared but I also know about over-involved family. Just tell them that if they wish to support you then this is a good way to start, stay out of the hospital until they are called. Also, maybe don't tell them until the baby is born and you are ready for visitors.

Answer 10

I can't really understand why you feel the way you do, but you are the one who will be in pain and it is totally your decision. My suggestion is for you to wait to call them until you are dilated to 8 or 9. (and have hubby call them and explain that you guys wanted to be alone until the baby was born). By the time they get there, you will probably be in delivery. Most hospitals will not allow more than 2 people in the delivery room.
My daughter is 26 weeks pregnant today and I have always been with her when she had to go to the hospital for anything or dentist etc. (for her entire life). I even went in the operating room with her when she had surgery when she was three years old, just so she wouldn't be alone. I'm so glad that she does not feel the way you do. I think I would lose my mind sitting in the waiting room, wondering if something is going wrong. Good luck.