I'm living in my brothers shadow?

Question

I'm Zach and I'm 16 and I feel like I'm living in my brother's (Laiden aged 18) shadow. We are both on the football team but he's captain. People refer to me as Laiden's lil bro, even the teachers do. And if someone is introducing me to someone else they always say ''This is Zach. you know Laiden's lil bro). How do I break out of his shadow?

It's worse than you think, everybody (even my friends) look on me as if I'm younger than them. Being ''Laiden's lil bro'' is really annoying (even if it has advantages!!) He is like an all american boy, gets good grades, gets all the nice girls etc. It is hard feeling as if you have to do the same.

Even my friend's introduce me like that! Our school is pretty big and the only reason people know me is because of Laiden. Well I suppose they don't know ''me'' they just know ''Zach, Laiden's lil bro!''

We both hang out in the same big group, although we are each closer with seperate groups within the group (if you get me!). We are both good at the same subjects in school (although he outshines me in most. :o(

Answer 1

if you keep doing the same things he does in the same places he does it in then ur gonna continue to be in his shadow. you need to become and individual and find something that's unique to you so that when people introduce you it will be Just Zach. or instead of people introducing you as Laiden's lil bro, introduce yourself, say hi my name is ZACH.

Answer 2

Marching to the beat of a different drummer can be a very difficult thing to do. There are things that your brother CAN'T do or do very well so don't think he's Mr. Perfect. He's not. No one is. Remember that everyone on this earth can do at least one thing better than you can. And that rule ALSO applies to your brother. You simply need to find YOUR calling, whatever that may be. Maybe it's not in music where the competition seems a little intense. Why must you follow in his footsteps? Yes, it's easier because the path has already been trod but at the same time, if you follow in someone else's footsteps you will never be a LEADER. And be wary of comparing yourself, your abilities and your aspirations to your brother's. You are not your brother. You are YOU. You need to find what YOU'RE good at. I recently heard that research has indicated that comparing what you've got (money, talent, looks, whatever) to what everyone else has got tends to make people unhappy (i.e.--keeping up with the Joneses won't make you happy, just tired of the constant race to keep up and owner of a lot of crap you don't need.) Don't begrudge your brother his talent. In the meantime, find your own. Hopefully as the two of you grow older, you will appreciate the abilities that you BOTH possess.

Answer 3

Well there are many things you could do to break out of his shadow. Many people in your situation would act out or get negative attention and be known as the "bad brother" but i dont think that is the right thing for you since you appear to have a good head on your shoulders. Go for something he isnt involved in. If he is Captain of the football team and you are a player it is easy that he outshinned you in that area. But does he do basketball or writing or the yearbook? Besides that what are your interests in life? Highschool and small towns are just the beginings of your life as an adult. Will you go far in business school and be a banker? Will you go on to medical school and become a doctor? A teacher ? An artist? The thing to remember is that as hard as it is to deal with he earned his kudos and you need to be positive and be proud of who he is and that he is your brother. And it will be hard. But when others say that you are "Laidens bro" smile and say yep thats me and be proud. Find an inner peace within yourself and realize just how much you are worth as an individual and as his brother. Break out of the shadow in your own mind and it will happen in life all around you. Good luck and remain positive.

Answer 4

Hi Zach, I am sure there are a lot of people out there who know exactly what you are saying. Do you have the same friends as your bro., or do you have a set that you can hang out with and develop your own identity? Perhaps you are better at another subject where your bro. is not so great. There is more to life than following in his footsteps, it will come in good time, don't rush it. GOOD LUCK

Answer 5

It may take time some never make it out of the shadow even to the day they die, others are more talented and break out that way a good example is the pianist who was the youngest of 14 children - his name escapes me but he became world famous.

Answer 6

I think they say you're Laiden's lil bro because they know him.

Answer 7

Boy I know what you mean. My sister was blonde, green eyes, violinist, straight A's, little Miss Perfect.

The next time they introduce you, jump in and say, "Hi, I'm Zach the Individual!! Who are you?"

Answer 8

Thats tough!

Just make a sarcastic remark each time they say something refering to your bro!

Try starting a hobby of your own, that way you cant be compared, plus you'll meet new ppl who only know you as Zach!

Answer 9

I don't think it's such a bad thing unless your brother is an ***! Same thing in couples - you become "Mike's wife" or whatever. Then this happens in business too - "Mike - you know, the lawyer" or "Sally, the one that works for Bombardier" or something to that effect. Its bad when it becomes a "Meet Mike, the one I told you about who had 3 bankruptcies!"

Answer 10

Step out of this shadow a little and do something he has not done make your own little name good luck I hope you can but honestly I had to do it to and it don't go away