My hubby had spinal surgery last week. He should have been out of the hospital but there were minor complications and unexpected pain. I have been struggling with how to handle this situation... His mom has taken over. First she's been introducing me as his "girlfriend" to the doctors and physical therapists... So they have been giving her all his post op info. Its as if I am not there and invisible. His brother had to tell one of them to talk to ME at which point MOM huffed off. Then she completely screwed up his contact info, using hers as his address and even went so far as to discuss payments and insurance with them!! Because of her "mistake" I may end up with the entire hospital bill not being covered... now we all know in order to leave the hospital you have to show some independence, even just getting up alone... well... I walked in yesterday and she was FEEDING him... like a baby!!! She left me alone with him for a little while and he was a totally different...
2007-12-30 01:34:08 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
person. He needed help getting up but he walked to the bathroom alone and even stood for a while. The nurses aide was shocked he was up and around and using the bathroom by himself. She said his Mom has been walking him and going in with him. My opinion is I am seeing how much of a Mama's boy he is. WHich is fine, he's hurt... but that she's being so coddling and overstepping her boundaries that is frustrating to me. She even has numbers to contact people in an emergency not me.. who will be caring for him. I can't wait to get him home because I think he'll get better faster without her hovering... what is the best way to handle this situation without ticking everyone off?
2007-12-30 01:37:08 · update #1
oh this bring back memories. not good ones. anyway no matter what you do or say will be offensive to the mom so as far as staying on her good side that ended when you got married. But there is a way you can handle things without losing it. As one of the readers said try going to your brother in law. Also talk privately with the doctor and nurses and tell them your requests which is to have all info given to you and correct emergency info. You will only have to do this once. There is protocal in a hospital so they won't go against the spouse. As the reader says once you get into your own home it will be a different story but you still have to demand the respect and take the initiative to be assertive and express your rights as a wife to the medical staff if not you for your husband. The more he is coddled the less he will try to be independent and have the motivation to make himself better.
2007-12-30 02:08:59 · answer #1 · answered by jvw2300 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be a grown up, you should have introduced yourself to his doctors (really he should have) long before the surgery. Right now make sure the nurses and hospital personnel know that he is a married man, you are legal next of kin, not his mother. I have no idea why your hospital bill wouldn't be covered by the insurance he provided. That makes no sense whatsoever. Stop by billing and make sure that they have the correct insurance information. Call your insurance company, the number is on the back of the card, and make sure that everything is ok.
Stop whining and start acting. You have to act like a grown woman to be treated like one. And get a clue about your husband, he's the one letting his mommy take care of him. Pain reduces people to childish behavior.
2007-12-30 09:47:08 · answer #2 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go to the nurses station and tell them that you are his wife and you need to be involved with your husband's care. I'm sure you guys don't live with his mom, so when he gets out of the hospital...mommy won't be there to take care of him. You can also go to the information desk and see who you can talk to about the insurance/bill/payment... they can change that for you. Change his address back to yours and tell them you're his wife... mommy does not need to take care of him anymore. He's probably afraid of hurting his mother's feelings and that's why he's letting her do all that stuff.
2007-12-30 09:41:14 · answer #3 · answered by Riley's Mommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get your brother in law to talk to her...because if you do (and if I were you), I'd punch her in the face...He is your husband...and not her baby naymore. First thing you gotta do is tell the doctors that you are in charge..YOU ARE THE WIFE. and make him sign the health proxy form...it states that only YOU can make decisions on his behalf if he isnt capable. And why is she introducing you....You should be introducing her...as the hubby's mother...not my sons girlfriend....I'd be a ticking time bomb....GOOD LUCK..and keep the fists down by your side
2007-12-30 09:39:56 · answer #4 · answered by Leannamick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how your mother thought she was going to pull things off by telling everyone you were your husband's girlfriend...because all information regarding your husband should have already been on file with the hospital before the surgery took place....Your mother in law....makes me sick! Why hasn't your husband cut the apron strings with his mother? I don't mean to sound cruel...but once his spine has healed he needs to use it to tell his mother to quit treating him like a little boy...
2007-12-30 09:50:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure she's enjoying playing "mommy", and he's enjoying the attention. Get him home and the game will be over. She probably won't behave that way in your house.
2007-12-30 09:43:51 · answer #6 · answered by empty-nester 2002 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this man is your husband, take control of the situation now! Remove his Mother if that is what needs to be done. Do it NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-12-30 09:54:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋