need advice on potential divorce with regards to kids?

Question

i am in a very bad marriage so bad that i am thinking of getting a divorce, he is a pig, and he treats me badly, lies a lot, i think he is cheating on me.if i do get divorced i would like to leave the country we are in and go and be with my family abroad , my question is with regards to the kids (2x, 8 and a 2year old)how easily would i be given custody and be allowed to leave the country, what must i prove to the courts that will give me custody.
thanks

thanks so much for the great answers so far, i wanted to clarify and add a few important points.
i will never ever consider giving him the kids and walking away they are my life, its because of them i am still here in an emotianly abusive situation.i think its wrong for them to witness the abuse and fighting on a daily basis.
both my kids where born abroad and have like me dual citizenship, we only moved to the country where we are now to be with my husbands elderly parents, so to move back to the other country is not going to be a problem for them, my 8 year old has many friends and we have family there.my 8 year old knows the other language.
dont get me wrong but the last thing i want to do is leave my hubby i do deep down still love him, but he makes it soooo hard for me.
i have got so much evidence against him, like cheating .so i hope i have made my point clearer

Answer 1

usually the woman will get custody anyway. but taking them out of the country that is a whole different matter. Even if he was abusive unfortunately the courts still would probably deny you taking them out of the country. It will depend on how he treats you and the kids during the separation. You should get a lawyer even if its a pro bono (free) then document all the things he continues to do even after the separation. If he doesn't visit the kids or pays child support then you have a better chance. If he continues to be abusive obtain an restraining order. When you go to court all these things will help prove that you and your kids would benefit more being with your family than living in the same state as their father. Be sure not to take matters in your own hands and leave without permission you could lose custody of your children and also go to jail for kidnapping.

Answer 2

First things first go see a marriage counselor to see if you can resolve the problems in your marriage. Communications is one of the biggest areas that cause problems in a marriage. The longer you are married and do not talk to each other the more you become less involved in each other's lives.
If you really think your husband is cheating on you get a Private Investigator to video tape it as proof for the court. Depending on what state you live in you may have a waiting period before you can be divorced. Some states allow for an immediate divorce if you have proof of cheating, so you need to talk with a divorce lawyer. You may have problems removing the kids from the country as this is considered kidnapping. Your best bet would be to get the divorce and as part of the settlement do a trade off to allow you and the kids to leave the country in exchange for child support. You will have a hard time collecting child support in another country anyway and if he is that bad a person I would not want him to be anywhere near the kids.

One way to help your case is to report him for anything he is doing that is illegal, drugs, weapons, sex abuse, child abuse, possession of explosives, etc. If he goes to prison you can get an easy divorce, this does not mean to set him up but if he is doing things that are illegal then let the police do their jobs.

Good luck to you and the kids.

Answer 3

Firstly, you need to think about how a court will view your taking of the children abroad, if it is far away then it will be harder for the father to see his children and the court won't look well on that. If you are leaving becuase of verbal/physical abuse then having a witness/ reliable community member/ doctor to vouch for you would be useful. If the children don't mind being away from their father for long periods then they could be interviewed the the court/social child psychiatrist (court approved) and s/he will submit their report to the court in a custody battle. If it is a country where the language is different form the country in which you are living now this will probably also be taken into account, as regards to the children adjusting especially the 8 year old leaving his/her friends and parts of his/ her family.

Answer 4

I am going through a custody fight right now. It may be different in the state where you live. I live in Oregon.

1st we both had to take a court ordered parenting class.

2nd we went to mediation, the court was hoping we could work the problem out on our own. (we couldn't)

3rd the court ordered a custody evaluation. Basically, someone comes and looks and where I live and where he lives, interviews us both and our kids (mine are 2 and 7) and then decides who should get custody. My evaluation hasn't started yet. I'm waiting on my ex's lawyer to write the order.

The main thing to remember - and talk to your lawyer about it. In my divorce paperwork it says that no parent can move the children more than 60 miles away or else custody will be revisited. So, you want to make sure your lawyer knows that you want to move them out of country.

The other thing to keep in mind is that the court doesn't like you to move kids away right after a divorce, cause it's too many changes at once. So, you'll need to convince the custody evaluator that you have a REALLY good reason for moving them away or else you ex will have a good reason to ask for custody.

E-mail me if you have more questions if you want.

Answer 5

Is he bad to the kids?

Why would you take them away from their father?

regardless of what you think of him, think of how this would hurt the kids.

Seek professional help, just to make sure you are making the right decision, remove any doubts so you don't look back in 10 years and say what if or I was a ***** for doing that, not only that but you have a solid reason of well being to explain to the kids when they are older.

Answer 6

If you attempt to leave the country with your kids without permission of the court, you could end up in serious trouble. And, in order to get permission, you may have to post a large $$ bond or agree to pay half the costs for their dad to visit with them - either in the U.S. (I'm assuming you live in the U.S.) or the other country. You may have to prove that you can't care for your family in your present location and require the family support provided in the other country. You may also have to prove that he is abusive to the children as well as to you.

Whatever you do, PLEASE be sure that your children are adeqately cared for in any settlement agreement. Do not let them be left without funds for a college education; see that he has to provide proof of ongoing medical insurance coverage and provides adequate child support. You owe this to your kids.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Here is azz hole again giving my two cents...

I am a male - divorced prior but now married.
BUT if your in a marriage that is un-healthy get out - and I will tell you by experience as long as you can show you can support your children the courts will allow you to live where ever you need to. Like I said, as long as you show you can support them.

My best friend had a divorce degree stating his ex could not live outside of a radius of 100 miles from him. But when she fought it, the Judge stated we live in America and as long as she can support thier children she is free to live where she can support them

Good Luck

Answer 8

I doubt you will have any problems, It is realtively hard to get custody from Mom's unless there are some very extenuating circumstances. Like Abuse, Drug Involvment common sence stuff.

Answer 9

I think you need to speak to a solicitor as soon as possible. Keep a record of dates, times etc when your husband has acted apaulllingly. Each case is very different and needs to be dealt with in such a way. make an appointment today!!!

Answer 10

I had to head colleges and homes whilst i grow to be 10 years old (i'm in severe college now), and confident, initially i grow to be dissatisfied of dropping all my 'acquaintances', yet when I adjusted to the hot college and made some new acquaintances, it wasn't that massive of a deal. you need to think of of it like this: that's extra suitable that they flow colleges/homes whilst they're youthful than whilst they're in severe college. My grandparents proceed to exist a various continent, so being quarter-hour away shouldn't count too plenty to them. i understand the grandparents would be unhappy once you adult males flow away, even although that's extra suitable which you get your man or woman domicile with the aid of fact as your babies become older, they're going to be needing extra "very own area" (incredibly in the event that they're females!), and residing in a single enormous room would be annoying on them as they become older and doubtless prefer to ask acquaintances over from college. have confidence me, dropping 'acquaintances' from consumer-friendly college isn't any the place as annoying as dropping acquaintances made in severe college. that's whilst they're like 14+ the place they're going to set up good, long-lasting friendships. good success!! :)