I have multiple schlerosis (MS). I told me best friend a couple of months ago and ever since she's been spending less and less time with me.
My doctor tells me the disease is quite serious. I may suffer loss of vision, loss of muscle movement at time, loose my balance, loose my ability to reason and solve problems at times. I told my best friend all this just so she can be preparedd for when it does happen in front of all. So far none of this has occured yet.
I love my best friend. We've had big arguments and made up. We've done alot of things together. I want her around but i can't get her to ring me or hang with me anymore. She spends more time with her other freinds who are smart (they go to medical school), they're good looking and have many parties. Her boyfriend is good looking and popular. So i kind of understand why she don't see the point of being around a soon to be cripple like me.
what should i tell her to make her look at me the same way again???? please help.
2007-12-30 01:15:36 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
her boyfriend doesnt know i exist at all. Our other friends tells me this. I think its b/c i have MS
2007-12-30 01:42:43 · update #1
She s not your friend if shes goin to treat you like that ps sorry about the illness
2007-12-30 01:20:37 · answer #1 · answered by MIKA'S BIGGEST FAN 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG, that's awful. But you wouldn't be the first friend to tell a best friend you're very ill and then they stop associating with you. If you would like, if it would make you feel you tried, you can tell her how you feel about all this.
It hurts very much to see her being this way, a way you hadn't guessed she could be, I'm supposing, or you wouldn't have told her, but you can make other friends or be a mostly loner if that is how life is treating you. You'll meet some other people, the rare ones, who are truly worthy of your friendship.
Coz to be honest, I don't think there's anything you can say to change her mind. She will either pretend she will always be your friend but go on avoiding you, or she will see how shabbily she's treated you lately and stop it. No matter what, now is not a time you need to be stressing over things. You need more happinesses than sadnesses. So work on learning to let go of what will hurt you more (literally and figuratively.) You'll need to learn acceptance (and maybe sometimes depression, sorry) in order to live with this condition....
As for that one who said you focused too much on yourself. You go through a horrible changes in the body, then find out what's wrong, and tell me you WOULD NOT tell someone so they can understand and HELP you be more YOURSELF again.... That's what friends are for.... Not to ignore you when you actually need something for once. I'm sure the girl asking the question isn't talking about this 24/7, that it just happened in a series of events, but probably STILL NOT at all like when a friend spends a LOT of time complaining about being pregnant instead of also focusing on the other friend....
2007-12-30 01:28:41 · answer #2 · answered by dumbuglyweirdo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree, she probably doesn't know how to handle you having MS. That doesn't make what she is doing right, but may help explain why she is acting the way she is. I would reach out to her and tell her how much you value her friendship and ask if she is having a problem that she doesn't want to be around you anymore. She may be afraid that something physically will happen to you when she is around and she won't know how to handle the situation. Above all, keep your strength up and don't let her bring you down. Good luck & take care of yourself.
2007-12-30 01:24:59 · answer #3 · answered by purpledaisy0625 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she just doesn't know WHAT to say or how to react.
Talk to her about it and tell her exactly how you are feeling about your friendship with her and let her know if there are any questions she may have you will try and answer them for her. Just be honest with her...and let her know you are still the same person you have always been there are just going to be some unexpected obsticles coming up in your life..maybe if she knows that you are comfortable with talking about MS and how it will effect you then she will be able to also..and if she still doesn't come around then you are better off with her out of your life.
Good luck and wishing you all the best
2007-12-30 01:26:00 · answer #4 · answered by deja2220 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What kind of friend is that.She's not a friend.She's a selfish *****.There you are losing your vision,muscle,movement,balance,ability to reason and the ability to solve problems and instead of being there by your side,she's running away and avoiding you?If this happens to my friend,I would be there for him 24/7 and maybe take him out to have fum before all those things happen to him.And btw,I feel really sorry for you.
2007-12-30 05:42:04 · answer #5 · answered by andy13 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're still healthy, right? Stop focusing on yourself and your illness and get busy living. People are drawn to other people who are active, happy, and pleasant to be around. I'm not saying your illness isn't serious. Most folks don't want to be in crisis mode all the time until there is a crisis. She will look at you the same way again when you go back to being her friend who didn't focus so much on herself.
2007-12-30 01:26:17 · answer #6 · answered by stillinshock 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that just because you are ill, you're still the same person. I have a friend who has this illness and I've been knowing her for a long time also. But just because she's sick, doesn't make her less than a person. You might have to give your friend time to adjust. Specially if she was used to things being a certain way.
2007-12-30 01:22:06 · answer #7 · answered by Branded with the Dark Mark 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
look in the mirror. what do you see? look inside yourself. what kind of person are you? it seems as though this ring of friendships is based mainly on looks and popularity. if that is the case then what your "friend" is doing by pushing you away is proving that she is shallow and doesn't truly care for you. for her is seems to be all about looks and appearances. if that is true for yourself, you are going to have to swallow a massive pill of reality. Multiple Sclerosis is a disfiguring disease. this is probably not what you want to hear, but it is the truth. if your friend can't accept you for you and love you for who you are regardless of your outward appearances, why do you feel the need to keep her in your life? let her go and find peace with others who truly care.
2007-12-30 01:25:14 · answer #8 · answered by Buddha 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ahh, so sorry! you guys need to reminisce get an old photo album out or home video remember the good time you've had they'll shelter you through the bad. As for your looks don't put yourself down about it, it will make you ill faster, I know! Friendship is not about looks or illnesses its about being there for one another day or not help her to remember that ok. Once again so sorry
2007-12-30 01:23:25 · answer #9 · answered by lil miss giggles 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to know what to say or do around people with an illness, so help her by not dwelling on it. Be the friend that you are by not talking only about yourself and your illness. Save that for your family and Drs.
2007-12-30 01:20:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋