Why do I find it so hard to find love?

Question

I'm a woman in her mid 40s but so lucky as I look in my early 30s. Im going through a really hard time now as I've achieved my career goals..can afford to take it easy but would love to meet a nice guy. I've had very few relationships even though I know Im good fun and am pretty (lots of friends tell me & Im often asked out). Two relationships went on for a few yrs but i couldnt have imagined spending my life with one of those guys and the other one lacked focus (I work hard and need this in a guy). I even tried online datine recently..but it is not my thing..I need to feel someone's presence to see if I like them. Problem is my taste is v narrow...younger guys/goodlooking/high achievers/nice person. I like so few, it is so difficult not to be lonely sometime. I have a good life otherwise, nice friends & family..but need LOve! Is this bad luck? Why cant I meet 'my guy'? I dont go consciously looking for a guy..just live my life but still, Im hungry for love.

Answer 1

U must open your heart & mind
jane

Answer 2

too tell you the truth young lady it is very hard to find MR PERFECT, in this world in this day and age , you are not the only one , we are all in a same boat , even me , i am trying to find Miss perfect but i cannot , either so you see we both are same, and its probably we have never met or crossed our path, it snot your taste , you need to bro den your horizon , let your mind flow with lots of good things in your head, may be you are trying to hard , dont try to show off to much . Be a very normal person , be plain some one likes very plain and ordinary person a and you might be the one and you need to come across like that , than you might find the one you are looking for.
May be you will soon .
As you haven't put any other information about you on the profile , you need to do that , that might help , give all the good things about you and what you like, and dislike.
i might even ask you out , what do you think are you London

Answer 3

You are not looking for love; you are simply looking for the ideal image of a man in your mind. Have you notice that you reached 40 and have not found it yet? Why?

It is hard to accept it, because it is a painful insight. The love you cherich for that "pre-made" man, can not be found in real life. You may find someone who looks so similar to this image, but if you ever have the chance to know him in everyday life, and to know the little details about his character at close, you may find that it is not what you thought!

I am 24. Personally, I never had the chance to examine the girls I loved (strongly) at close; they always remained like shadows that can not be held. I wonder why; how did I fall in love with them and I even did not have the chance to know them for real? All I had with them was but few conversations. Is there any possible relation between this and that? If I had the chance, would I be disillusioned in that image?

In time I liked girls who did not have that great effect on me, I could know them at close, I could demythologize them. My never-ending search for this very image I told you about, was distracting me from finding true love. I've never allowed it to happen, because I had that standards about my dream girl; that standards were by no means negotiable.

We should be more realistic, yet not void of romance. All that does not mean to stop looking for the guy you imagine, and to get the first one available. It just means to bring that man to earth, it means also not to resist it when it happens; it means to evaluate your love by the feelings you have rather than by how much it meets your standards. Still, you will have the chance to get both of them, what you like, and what you need. Just remember, add one another standard; reality. When we lift people we love so high; they'll become invisible "shadows" that are out of our reach, they'll become false as well.

I remember when I was a kid, my older sister gave me a strawberry; it was at night, instead of eating it, can you guess what I did?
I hid it under my pillow. This is what we do over and over again; we prefer dreams to reality.

People say "we like what we can not get". I say it is a fork where we should decide our destination; to be in this attainable world means to sacrifice the sweetness of illusions we cherich. It is our choice whether to fly in charming fantasies, or to come back to earth; a decision that is now inevitable for a person who finally becomes able to distinguish sanity from insanity, and infantile fantasies from mature achievements.

Answer 4

You should watch 'arrange me a marriage' it is aimed you women like you :) which is good it means your not alone and that there is hope!
You need to ask your parents and anyone you are close with if they know a single man who is a high achiever and get them to set you up on dates or try speed dating my gran mother found a man that way and shes the size of a whale (in her own words) and a lot older so you certainly can to!
I belive that love won't always just 'come to you' and that you have to actively search for him.

Answer 5

You answered your own question. You want the perfect guy. He isn't out there unless you change the way you think. If you look around at all the couples you know I suspect you would not "settle" for any of the relationships. I know exactly what you are saying because....I feel the same way. But I am not lonely....not yet anyway. Good luck.

Answer 6

I think you have opposing criteria. It is very hard to find the level of focus you want in a younger man. But, that is neither her nor there.
My philosophy is, you can't look for love. It finds you. All you can do is make yourself available by being in environments where it can occur. Trying to make it happen is a mistake. Letting it happen is better. Also, people have to be tolerant. Love is a matter of giving as well as taking. Sometimes you have to be willing to live with certain things in order to have certain things. We can't go through life avoiding problems, because that is not living. We have to find accommodations and learn to work through our problems.

My advice is just look to enjoy yourself. All good things come to s/he who waits and watches. Be open and don't set up roadblocks ahead of time. That is not to say don't be discriminating, it means to wait and see and manage things as they occur. Good luck.

Answer 7

Have a wee read of this :-)

http://uk.match.yahoo.net/matchscene/article.aspx?articleid=9307&TrackingID=523899&BannerID=568714

And whilst you're looking, keep an open mind. Many people find someone who is the opposite of what they are looking for and find they are the one. I'm not saying take away everything you're looking for, but give someone a chance. You never know. Wish you all the luck in the new year :-)

Answer 8

You are too picky as you said yourself.

How do you know the man for you isn't the same age or older?
Good looking men doesn't always mean everything - obviously you have to be attracted to them though.

Stop looking for your "type" and judging other types - your turn off in theory may well provide you what you need rather than your ideal.

Answer 9

you can try to tell your friends and family to hook you up with some guy they know.
good luck might come from there.

some women do travel around the world and you man might in one of the country you will be.
you can try the match.com if you want your perfect man because online they do calcutate matches just the way you like and magic do happen online dating too, i seen a lot of it. i suggest you give it try, if you don't try how woulf you know.
you should try online or travel anywhere around the world and might be luck, men who are from different places then you do respect women and care for mostly then your own people.
you can choose one and give it a try or you can do both.

Answer 10

I'm a guy in a similar situation. Now, being Irish, I tend to answer a question with a question: Why have you locked your profile down so no one can see what questions you've asked?

Have you gone and built a shell round yourself that even you can't break through? You have, haven't you?

Answer 11

gee, i would love to answer that question, but i don't think my advice would be very good as i'm only thirteen. but i think you do need to loosen up a bit. but as i'm so young, i can't possibly understand, the only thing i can thinkof that might be help is that maybe you can get a pet. a puppy, maybe? you can play with it, and house break it. with could teach you to have patience because housebreaking a puppy requires a lot of patience. after experiencing a troublesome but playful puppy, boys should be alot easier.