my husband and are have been married for nearly 14`years, we have had a great relationship but for the last couple of years its been on a huge downhill.we fight on a daily basis, there is no more lust, he lies to me constantly.believe it or not i want this marriage to last.we have two beautiful kids.
any advice is appreciated, please dont tell us to go to counselling as, he will not, he doesnt see that he has problems...lol
2007-12-30 00:55:03 · 19 answers · asked by boohoo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ouch, if he doesn't realize their are problems, there isn't much chance of changing the situation, unless you want to give up and do everything his way.
and don't sound like your that crazy.
so i would keep it positive, tell him how much he and the kids mean to you, that you hate fighting infront of the kids, and wish you guys could find new ways of communicating.
or if he has a friend or family member that he listens to, you could have a word with them. sometimes they need to hear it from someone else!
good luck
2007-12-30 01:00:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well obviously he doesn't think he has a problem, that's why he says he won't go to counseling, but people who say that there's nothing wrong and start getting defensive about counseling are the prime candidates for counseling.
You and your husband NEED to go to marriage counseling.
Because you have some conflicts and issues that NEED to be resolved, and a marriage counselor can give you both some healthy ideas about conflict resolution.
Honestly I think that for the sake of your marriage, you and your husband need to sit down and talk, not fight, but talk.
I think if you want to save your marriage, you need to keep the lines of communication open, and fighting is NOT communicating because when your arguing, neither of you is listening.
2007-12-30 01:07:44 · answer #2 · answered by Bryan M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lets see: you guys fight and argue daily, he lies to you, there is no lust, and you want your marriage to work? What marriage? Look in the dictionary for the word "marriage" and read it until you really know what it means. WAKE UP.......He is no good and you two are not good for one another and won't ever be again without a miracle. Do you even pray to God about this problem? It is a problem that will not go away. Do you want it to work for the wrong reason? Like maybe for his money or for the kids? Something along those lines? That is not good enough. Maybe you like misery. Your marriage is all but gone. Sorry, but that is the way I see it. I cannot candy coat it for you.
2007-12-30 01:45:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi - you cannot save your marriage all on your own, that just wont work. It has to take the two of you to want to do it. He must be made aware that if he doesn't put effort in as well as you then everything you have together will be lost, and the children will suffer.
Get him to talk to you seriously and promise each other to re-new your commitment in creating a happy marriage and family.
2007-12-30 01:02:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmm.. I still wonder why would your husband lie to you? Well, here's a piece of advice: Whenever he tries to argue with you about something, maybe you ought to stay calm and talk it out nicely. If that doesn't work, just say the reasons firmly, but not harshly. BUT if that doesn't work too, maybe you should write a letter and put it up on the fridge or anywhere he can see it. That letter must include like.."I'm sorry for the wrong things that I've done". Maybe you can include in the letter that you love him and you can't live without him. Lastly, you can also include in that the kids wouldn't want to grow up without a dad and that they needed him through their growing years. Let's just hope he can see the letter. Hope this works.
2007-12-30 01:08:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Personally, I think you need to give him a "wake up call" Tell him if things doesnt change, you will take the kids and leave. If push comes to shove, so to speak, actually call about an apartment and go look at it. Make him believe that you mean business.
It does obviously take 2 to make a marriage work, so you cannot make him change if he doesnt want to.
2007-12-30 01:02:38 · answer #6 · answered by Mom_of_3 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't save something you already destroyed. I don't know why people don't understand this. Counselors don't help either. Welcome to marriage hell and reality. Once you both said "I do" your loving relationship was over. Some people realize this in weeks and get divorced other people lie to themselves for years!!! You know the married couples I'm talking about that say they are so happy and in love and divorced soon after LOL Well you just realized that it is over. Marriage destroys even soul mates. Take an honest look at all the married couples you know are any of them still truly in love?!? You don't have to answer we all already know the answer.
2007-12-30 01:02:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
hi its so strange coz i seem to be having the same problem... im married for 12yrs now wit 2 boys and especially this yr its really been downhill.. he doesnt wanna talk neither does he think there is a problem..i also wanna keep this marriage .. have no solution but i just tot i shared this with u just to let u know u r not alone... i really hope things turn out for the both of us... take care alright and dont lose faith in the marriage..
2007-12-30 01:04:01 · answer #8 · answered by sexy 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
One person in a marriage trying to fix problems is very similar to one hand clapping--it doesn't work. I urge you to get counseling because you'll need it to help stop your part of the dysfunctional behavior.
2007-12-30 01:02:18 · answer #9 · answered by DelK 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can go see a counselor yourself, but you cannot force him to go. It might help you understand him better, even if he doesn't come. You did not say directly, but do you fear he is cheating on you?
Daily fights are wearing on the soul. You did not say what they are about, and it's not really important that I know. Can you avoid fighting and maintain your self respect?
2007-12-30 01:05:23 · answer #10 · answered by Computer Guy 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋