We are in long distance relationship. He wanted me to go to UK by certain time, and I felt rushed and pressured.
I was getting unsure about everything, and asked him if we could postpone the whole event. He was very upset because he had everything planned, and has tried to talk over that we could do this, but the way he said it was so harsh and he called me liar so many times...and I got scared about our future. I asked him for time...but for me, he was calling me every 2 days if I had chosen what to do.
After all of our mess, we decided to go to Paris, and we had a wonderful time together...but I told him how I must finish my work before leaving my country. He said I took the job over him. He said this was it, and completely shut me out now.
Now it's gone opposite way, I am trying to get his heart back... He wrote to me "sorry but trying to save what we had is a waste of time. It really is over for good."
I'm regretting the things I've done. Should I wait for few wks & apologize?
2007-12-29 23:27:55 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He told me how he had killed all his pride to have me. I understand his point of view, but at the same time, he never remembers what he said, and he never can see things from MY point of view...which scared me.
But I miss him alot. He was the love of my life... and I know there are so many issues between us...
Should I leave the response for a while? He is completely shutting himself away from me, and I think no words will go through him right now...
2007-12-29 23:33:22 · update #1
I think we all have our own timetable of doing things. Getting married is the biggest decision in life. It HAS TO BE a mutual discussion and agreement and not something done by one party. He was not respecting this relationship right from the start and he wanted to finish this project by his schedule.
If you still love him, I would wait for him to realise that this is not a one-person decision, this is a joint agreement. I don't know if you two are used to communicating via email, but you might want to write him a long (and passionate) letter to let him know how you feel about the whole thing over the past six months, and how much you love him and understand his feelings, and how you want to proceed now.
I agree with somebody here that in a way you are lucky because his behaviour doesn't sound very mature. It may be better to wait and understand each other more now than after you get married and separate.
A man who cannot understand your feeling is not a man to be trusted, because we all rely on expressing our feelings to communicate. If he doesn't even try to understand, how can we communicate with him for the rest of our life? We cannot love a man based on sympathy.
He needs to know where your stand point is.
Good luck
2007-12-30 08:38:34 · answer #1 · answered by uno_yy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love each other, things should work out. Is he more important than your work??
If he is, then buy the first ticket over to the UK and run to his house, bring some flowers and get ready to show how much you love him. Be romantic and SHOW him how much you love him.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?? If so, do whatever you can.
He's only acting like this because he's hurt. He needs you to SHOW him how much you love it, instead of saying it and then staying on at work.
I understand what you mean, that work is work and you need to get it done. But maybe he wanted the romantic love thing. Love over money or whatever.
Just think: What if you could never see him again. What if that was the last time? Could you live without him, or would you want to?
If you can't just go. Go and be with him. Show him how much he means to you.
Good Luck!!
2007-12-29 23:37:45 · answer #2 · answered by q 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well he felt rejected quite a few times and it broke his heart. Yet moving to a different country because of a long distance relationship is a HUGE risk. Take some time to think and ask your self. "If I move and it doesn't work out, what will I do and can I handle that?" If the answer is yes you can handle the worst that could happen then tell him you will move to be with him and he needs to realise that this is a huge step for you. How would he feel if he was the one who was moving? If you stayed in your country what is the worst that could happen to you? Can you handle that? It's hard to think about things when ur in the middle of it and it's hard to see what is really going on. :-) good luck
2007-12-29 23:36:08 · answer #3 · answered by Sup! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I moved half way across the world to be with my fiance. I had loans to pay off, and other stuff, but none were as important as my love for my fiance. I'd do anything for him, including leaving my family. I've not been away from home more than a few months until now. I've been living in Australia for nearly two years with him and it's been wonderful. It's the best decision I've ever made.
If you were not ready to move with him, then maybe you weren't truly sure in your love for him. You obviously had doubts, else you would have gone when he asked. Something deep inside you told you not to go, maybe it was your intuition. If you truly love him, then go to him now. Take a chance on love. If you can't leave everything to go to him now then let him move on. He deserves a woman who truly loves him and would do anything to show her love for him and you deserve a man who's with you now and has the same goals as you do.
(Honestly, it was probably pretty cruel to drag out your decision so long that he was calling every two days, waiting for your decision)
2007-12-30 00:20:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's actually done you a HUGE favour! Men who rush weddings and have a certain time in which to do everything, then get mad at you for not complying with their plans are not to be trusted. It's even worse to be married to such a person.
When my ex and I were engaged about twelve years ago, there seemed to be this enormous rush to get married. I really wanted to slow things down and for us to get to know each other better. But then I caught the hurry bug and wanted to get things moving faster, thinking we'll get on with our lives sooner as a married couple.
It took a few years after we got married, and two kids later, to see why he was in such a hurry. As far as being a family man went, he was completely incapable of holding down a job so he relied on me for stability, which in turn would help us obtain loans, etc. His family had an enormous amount of control and I didn't see it until it was too late that this union had become one big financial transaction.
I'm not saying this is the case with your situation. But I'm worried about the way you see yourself as causing the problem by not going along with this man's plan to get you married really quickly, and he planned the whole thing by himself. There should be some opportunity for you to have some input into the arrangements. It's supposed to be a happy occasion, and it should be something you organise together as a couple.
My basic message as a woman is to not allow yourself to experience any more heartache from this controlling man. I wouldn't try to win him back if I were you. Just let him go.
2007-12-29 23:41:20 · answer #5 · answered by ph1966 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I gotta tell ya that theirs not alot you can do, the more you try to chase him down the further he,s gonna run! So I say, mix it up a bit, by all means dont play games but do leave him alone, dont call, dont text him,etc. After a while he will begin to wonder why you are no longer chasing him & he will begin to worry & wonder whats up with you? Also claiming that you are a liar is what should be alarming for you, now keep in mind, if you do end up marrying this guy, you had best realize that when he doesnt get his way that the name calling can get worse, as most men are on their best behavior prior to marriage & if you dont mind being called a liar & worse, then so be it, but if it were me, theirs no way in this world that I would vow to spend the rest of my life with a man who thinks that I lie.
2007-12-30 00:44:27 · answer #6 · answered by penelope 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
consider yourself lucky. This guy is a creep!!! you don't love him, not really. You dont really know him. Please take it from me. I married the creep (who sounds alot like the man you describe here).. now im 4000 miles away from my family, fighing for custody of my little girl, and pregnant with his and my second child while he goes around banging his ex, and lying constantly to my face... and that's really the light stuff compared to the way he dominated my every breath, and really, almost caused my daughter and I to starve to death while he laughed in our faces.
This guy is not worth it! let him go. you did the right thing!!! forget him, and move on. He had tou wrapped around his little finger, and I bet you that he probably had someone else on the side as well. Move on. Change your life for the best, and count yourself lucky that you didnt end up like me.
Keep your chin up. Life is for living, and it always gets better!!
2007-12-30 00:05:04 · answer #7 · answered by Rhiannon L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People do stupid things all the time. You know whats it like making plans. But these were wedding plans. If it was the other way around, you would be devasated. O well, todays the first day of the rest of your life.:)
2007-12-29 23:33:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No regrets. When your gut gives you those butterflies of flight, it's not the right thing to do. Listen to your gut. I don't think leaving your country and moving to his would have made you happy. Let him go.
2007-12-29 23:31:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen up hon, you got to learn, "Just because you love someone, does not make them good for you", need you get your heart torn into a million pieces? There is something very wrong with him wanting you to rush everything, it's almost as if he's got to keep you busy and confused, so you don't get time to let common sense and instinct surface, that's what the fear was about. The man has control issues, big time, he blames and call you names! When a person shuts you out, they do not write, they disappear. This is his way of getting control, so you learn your place. Do not regret what you've done, do not apologize. You do not want his heart, his " heart " cares nothing for you!!..........it takes both brains and heart, to find true happiness.
2007-12-31 10:56:13 · answer #10 · answered by ferochira 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋