sometimes i wonder what its like to have a normal life?

Question

no idea where to put this but here goes. a bit about me, im 19 years old, turning 20 in mid-jan. i live with my parents in a shithole of the bible belt. basically i was forced into christianity as a child, but i got past that. given, i spent my childhood scared that id go to hell. i went to various private schools in the area, but i got bullied in each one to the point i had to homeschool in 6th grade for my safety. from 6th-12th i was a virtual hermit, hating people in general, living with overprotective parents (they discouraged socializing), and living with depression and suicidal thoughts (i attempted it at least once) thru that time. to some extent i still have it, though the suicidal thoughts have gone down recently. i turned to the internet for my only human interaction, and even on the net most hate me, but its only words on a screen so who cares. im in a community college now (only caused iw as forced to). ive gotten good grades my entire school life and i know im fairly intel

(i get GPAs above 3.5 without trying), but i just cant apply it to anything. mainly because the years of not feeling much emotion left me with no drive for anything, i dont enjoy anything, it all feels like just something to pass the time, and i find life to be quite boring. but at the same time, through my internet times ive seen people with happy lives, and i wonder what its like to feel that. but i dont know how to get out of it. i also feel like i dont feel ilke i should have been born in this era. i absolutely can not get along with people my age. they seem to mostly be into the drugs, alcohol, sex, and other stuff, which i am against. even when i was in kindergarten and 1st grade, i was always friends with the teachers, but i could tell they were only nice to me because they had to. so really, ive never had a friend. and after so much time by myself, im starting to prefer it that way.

i know im technically able to leave at anytime. but i feel like its not ther right time. im already adverse to change in the first place, but i feel like i should stay with the parents while im in school, i feel like im obligated. the thing is, when i do leave, i dont want to live around here. i was wanting to move well north, perhaps alaska, and i dont want to deal with the reactions to that. and onc eim out, then what? im left with the responsibilities, and having to get the job, its just easier to be here. if i had any drive i could go thru with it, but i dont, so i dont feel like im in a big rush to do anything. im still an undecided major, because theres no major that appeals to me, and im really just going with one cause its most convenient.

Answer 1

Wow, you sound alot like 95%of kids your age. I hate to break it to you, but everybody goes through the stage you are going through. I hear you that you had it rough as a kid being smart and a little introverted, but being good through school will put you at an advantage from here on out. Now that you are an adult, finish college and get a good job. Now you can laugh at all those people who picked on you as a kid, because they are going to be working for you. The girls, well they grow up too, and look for a little more in a man, and you have what they want, intelligence, understanding and money. A sh@tty childhood can result in an excellent life, trust me. The future is wide open for you my friend, make it what you will.

Answer 2

Wow, it seems to me that you've been through a hard life. I've been through what your talking about; wondering how it is to live a good life, having suicidal thoughts, i've cut before(not sure if you had), but in the end...I'm completely the opposite of you. I'm considered " perfect " by my friends and teachers. I get good grades, I'm in the crowd(im in highschool by the way), I play a sport, I guess you could say I'm well rounded. But all this depression came when I had to move, twice in one year. So I made great friends in my second high school, and I just moved to my third high school like a month ago. I hate it.

I try and be strong and surround myself in an environment where people love me. I guess it's hard for you because your parents won't let you socialize, except for the internet. How can they do that though?

Life is really unfair sometimes. I think your plan to go to Alaska is a great idea. But think about the consequences. You already realize that your going to be all on your own, so that means paying for everything...unless you parents are planning to pay for some of your expenses.

I think that you should talk to your parents. Do you have any aunts/uncles that you could get close to and maybe help you? Any cousins perhaps?

I do hope that you don't consider suicide, as I thought of that as the easy way out...
but even though I don't know you and I know I'm 3 yearrs younger than you...your better than that. Your living for a reason, don't take away your own life.
what I always do is think about the other nations out there that are suffering my genocide and poverty. I dont know about you..but I'm pretty emotional towards that stuff, so all my stress about what I'm going through, is transfered to theirs. I usually change my way of seeing things, that there are other people out there that are suffering more than me.

You know what I'm talking about?

hopefully I kind of helped, I know I babbled a lot.
goodnight!

Answer 3

Wow. First of all let me tell you something that you probably already know, you are not alone. I have had similar experiences to the ones described above (although not completely the same they were of course in principle with each other). The best advice I can give you however (asuming that you are asking how to get the "drive", as you descibed it, to go out and do something with your life) is to just go do some new things. Go experience some new places.

For instance, have you ever been to New York? That is just one of the many places you could visit. If money is a problem, then try looking up jobs that might interest you (which also enables you to meet some nice people). Once you get a good sum of money under your belt, try a couple of new things. For example, sky diving, or surfing.

The main point I have for you is that there is more to life than a computer (but I know that you are smart and have realized that by now). But if your not willing to go out there and try new things, dont expect the "drive" to just appear out of nowhere. So get out there and live life to its fullest! Good luck.

Answer 4

In order to have a normal life you have to get a life. I also was raised in the Bible Belt, and thought I would surely burn in Hell for eternity, until I realized that God knew that we were human and that we would sin. That's why He sent His Son, Jesus to die & save us from our sins. So, I have accepted that Jesus has already paid the price for my sins & although I am not an evil person, I do sin. God forgives me, because Jesus paid the price. If I told you everything that I have done in my 52 years of living, (I know that sounds old as the hills to you), but believe me when I tell you that there is nothing that you could have done (besides murder) that I didn't do. And if your parents were honest with you , you would know that they probably did it too. Afterall, we were raised in the days of the hippies, with the free love, make love not war, pot smoking, acid popping, long haired dopers who were just like the rest of us. lol So, give yourself some slack & ask your parents if lying is a sin. Then ask them what they did in the '60s & '70s. Ask them if they drank, did drugs, had sex before marriage & all the other ******** that they stay on your case about & make them look you straight in the eyes & you can tell if they are lying or not. It's hard to lie to your children, but it has been done, so pay close attention. They ride your case because they love you, but just like me it will make you want to rebel & rebel I did & so did most teens way back then. Take my advice. If nothing else, maybe it will get them off your case for a while.

Answer 5

typical, parents can be too strict .always heard the saying preachers daughter is the wildest...u just hang n there no rush the world is difficult but i see hope n u.I know u say these things but as u grow it will change n i like you , why wldnt i? i dont know you .everyone deserves a chance n u will get urs .stay strong dont give up n please try n figure out where u really want to be n life and find ur passion .it is the way

Answer 6

I think with reasons to believe that you are nearing a point in your life when you shall begin to take control of your self and your life.Focus and concentrate on it and don't leave the place until you have got the alternative ready and strong.There after be prepared for a period of hard work and test and to finally make it .Have faith in you and be ever ready to learn and explore.All the best.

Answer 7

First of all--feel that you are living in a beautiful world with manny odds. Try to live in this world with pleasure.The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past,worry about the future or anticipate troubles--live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. In the very words of Rabindranath Tagore---We don`t want to die in this beautiful world`-- Follow -Stress management activities -like social work,write or read something which give you pleasure,Express your feelings by talking, laughing, crying-expressing your feeling ,anger,love.Do something you enjoy--engage yourself in --meditation,listening music,using humours etc. and exercises.

Answer 8

There's nothing wrong w/ seeking out and trying w/ an open mind pyschiatriac counseling. I'd try that. Sounds like you're not only intellegent, but realize your family is evidently dysfunctional to a negative and damaging degree---and it's best you get a job and find an apartment.

Flee from your parents: nothing really stopping you if you really want to go. Just got to do the right things in the right way--and work hard at it.

Answer 9

well u remind me of myself a bit
and all i can say to u rite now is to enjoy life
live it to the fullest !
cuz dats wat i am doin and its working
try doing stuff dat u love doing
n if any1 doesnt want to b ur friend or sumthing just ignore dem
n i think u shud try makin friends
cuz there r really good n true friends out there
that will help u out a lot
n life is a ***** but if there was no sufferin then life wud b borin as hell rite?

well hope dis helped u out =]

Answer 10

but what is normal? Are you judging normalcy by some standard, or what? Life is what you make it.
Since you are in college, you are obviously old enough to make your own decisions. Don't let others make your life for you. Do it according to what you see is what you want. In the end, the only unhappy person will be you, and all those people who have controlled you will shake their heads, and go on with their lives, leaving you the poorer for your lack of self determination, and the only loser.