What do you think of this poem?

Question

Life is a journey with wonderful things,
Every now and then an inspirational bird sings,
Beautiful doorways lead to wonderful dreams,
Some of us first need to know what they really mean,
Take a goal,
And let it venture deep into your soul,
Life is an inspiration,
It has a wonderful sensation,
Treasure it with all your might,
Before it's time for you to take flight.

Well, I know it is short. But, I need advice on how to make it better. Thanks for the comments though.

Answer 1

I like the poem. I think it is really personal, and that is what a poem is supposed to be. I would switch up the rhyme scheme a little bit. the aabbcc etc can seem a bit juvenile at times. I also like the connection you made between the bird and the flight in the last stanza, i would further this if i were you.

Answer 2

I suggest it needs some finessing, and...But it has a decent essence.

I too feel like you can clean up the cadence a bit.

I'd drop 1 or 2 "Wonderful"... First line is a bit off in a gramactical sense, though you needed to rhyme it with what birds do.

A bit of tweaking and you have a viable, personal piece of work.

Answer 3

I just loved the poem.It is an AWESOME poem.It has been many days since a saw a good poem.But i think your poem is great.Really loved it.YOU ROCK DUDE.