i have been crying, due to the shock, and because i know he will have a more challenging life; i advised him strongly to watch out for homophobs and esp to practice safe sex, he is mature and already knew these things. WHat can i do to be more supportive? His father --my ex--is being a typical real s**t about it. I love my son UNCONDITIONALLY and want to be there for him even more now. I am Catholic and expect to run into a lot of BS later about it from other Catholics. If anyone puts him down, they will be out of my life for good.
2007-12-29 17:41:21 · 18 answers · asked by nowisthetime 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
As I said, unconditional love is what I have for him..i did not cry in front of him...and i can see there are negative, fearful people out there, with the same hate mentality that killed B. Bhutto. Hate for someone different is still hate. And beneath that hate and anger is FEAR and IGNORANCE. But they'll NEVER admit it!
2007-12-29 17:57:52 · update #1
well, the gay culture has one more active supporter--me. You are all children of a loving God, and I will pray for each and every one of you.
2007-12-29 18:19:16 · update #2
well i must say that ure an amazing mom...im 14 years old and bi...but wen i was 3 my mom just left out of random...divorced my dad and thought she was gonna get a big amount of money b/c my dad is loaded...well she found out that b4 they got married she signed a prenupt.(sp?) u on the other hand r willing 2 get rid of friends if they give him trouble...well i will say 2 support him take him 2 gay straight alliances...most skools have them and actually if there isnt 1 near u then have his skool make 1...legally according 2 the equal access act the principle cant say no...if she does then she has 2 get rid of all other clubs and activity including sports...the club would also have 2 recieve equal treatment...or take him 2 gay hangouts.. or invite his bf ovr 2 let them no u support them...maybe buy him some gay entertainment...show him that ure still his mom and love him...another thing u can do is my gay friends mom started treating him like her bff...lol my friend is very flamboyant (girly acting) and so now they go shopping...maybe dont b the mom figure and b a friend...let him no u can talk...my ex bf...his dad is a teach at my skool and will b my teach nxt yr. well my ex said hell dat me again nxt yr bc we will b at same skool...well his dad doesnt care that hes gay aslong as he nos hes safe and nos who his bf is...and his son likes that b/c it shows his dad cares...so show him u care...also help him get a bf...maybe if u have friends that have gay sons...wen i came out about being bi my dad was like ok...but my aunts and cousins were like ok lets go get u a bf or do this or this...and now i no i can tell them anything...my dad i cnt...and my gma had a fit about it...so let him no that u r there no matter what...maybe get a i support gay marriage bumper sticker...and btw part of my family is catholic and yeah its not the most accepted thing but i was shocked that when their church found out that i was accepted still b/c the bible says 2 accept evry1 no matter wat...so it mite now b that bad...also if ure son evr gets gay bashed then let the principle no that b/c he is gay its a hate crime and if he was taunted b4 and the principle new about it then she could b in big trouble...my former principle got fired b/c she new a gay guy was being teased and didnt stop it...the nxt day he was beat up and so yeah...just remember that it will b awkward for a while...but things will get better
2007-12-30 20:33:34 · answer #1 · answered by THEATRE GUY! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with San Diego as well. Its a very challenging time in his life right now and I can tell you his father will only be damaging his relationship with is son if he acts negatively towards him. Like the other guy said we feel this way at our core its not a choice who would chose a harder path rather that the smooth road. I'm sure its not really as much a surprise to you as you think. When I had the talk with my mom she told me that she knew all along "Mothers Intuition" but she was still shocked to actually be told. To address your concern about his father as a gay young man my mom is my everything my support my world. He can handle abuse from Dad but you must be there for him and if you are he can handle anything. Good Luck! Just to let you know he feels better inside that you know because he now feels a bond with you that you are in it together.
Happy New Year
2007-12-30 02:06:48 · answer #2 · answered by beaubradley 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As hard as it may be, don't cry around him. He already had to go through the pain of letting you know and him seeing you cry will only add guilt or more pain. When I told my mom she started balling and I couldn't stand being in the same room. Realize it's not a choice and it's what we feel inside- it's a comforting feeling because once we come out, we have a community we can fully belong to- being in the closet is still being part of the community but sneaking around and hiding is not fun- I did it for a longgggg time. Being gay doesn't mean his life will be more difficult- it's all different for everybody. Some people handle the negative words well and just dismiss them- which is usually a good thing to know. I think the most important thing to do is to let your soon know that "your door" is always open. I didn't have that and even after coming out I felt shot down because i didn't have many people to vent to- mainly close friends. Venting to parents is a bit different, as you already know, and being there for your child no matter is the most important; gay, bi, straight, alien whatever. I wish both you the best in life!!!!
2007-12-30 01:51:17 · answer #3 · answered by RJ 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
You sound like a great mom!!! I'm 23, when I came out to my mom at 15 I was expecting tears and lectures, but instead I got a hug, and she just said: I'm so proud that you told me. I think you've already done that for your son: think of the trust he must have in you to tell you! Another thing my mom did for me is she took me out "gay pride shopping" -- that's where I got my first rainbow necklace, which I wore every day through freshman year college. Your son, I would guess, just wants to know that you still love him as the same person no matter what. Show a lot of strenghth and support. More power to you.
2007-12-30 02:09:09 · answer #4 · answered by JBP 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are already off to a great start...You rock mom!!
He know you love him and that's what counts.....
try not to cry in front of him cause he might take it as sadness about him being gay and not see you sadness for what it really is....
you're a great mom and he knows it ...jst keep loving him the way you are...let him know he can talk to you about anything...i always thought that my mom would be there for me no matter what but she wasn't....
to hear that you are so positive about this makes me smile...thanks
let him know that no matter what the organized religion he's a part of says...God made him this way and loves him this way
hope it helps
Peace and Love
2007-12-30 10:25:18 · answer #5 · answered by scruftastic 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I totally love you. You remind me of my mother's reaction when I told her. Waaaaay back in 1984. Your worry about it being more difficult is certainly justified, but this is the path (I believe) that God has chosen for us. To find love in the face of hard adversity. To learn to overcome bigger obstacles and still come out balanced and with love in our lives. Your son is lucky to have a mother like you. Don't be quick to dismiss friends who don't understand. Maybe they just don't understand initially, give them time. It took a lot of guts for your son to be totally honest with you. I do believe everyone else deserves as much time. Now there will be those who will be unmoved. But the friends you lose will be eventually replaced by other friends who will be enriching (on a personal level). I admire your spunk.
2007-12-30 02:40:06 · answer #6 · answered by Robert O 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Treat him as you did before him came out. Nothing has changed, just your knowlege of his sexual preference. Listen* to him whenever he's going through tough times relating to his identity, if he decides to be open about it--whether it be about his romantic relationships, public discrimination, friend separation, etc. If he needs you to participate in any sort of ally group/function, be there emotionally and (if possible)physically. If he just recently came out to people it will take him time to adjust to the different responses. Good luck, and I hope this helped. You know him better than anyone else does(of course, other than himself), so I can only offer so much.
By the way, you're a great mother. I could only wish I had one as supportive as you and I'm sure a lot would agree w/ me.
2007-12-30 01:53:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Wow,well my friend sammie told me he was Gay and he was my best friend since 2nd grade(NO KIDDIN!) I love him to death. I was the first person he told wow that was alot to take in! THE FIRST THING I SAID WAS OMG WE ARE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH MORE FUN AND I WILL LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT! Im 21 now and I still love him to death its not as big as a son/mom coming out but it was pretty big. 20% OF THE WORLDS POPULATION IS GAY YOUR NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!!!
and let me tell you, YOU WILL LOVE HIM EVEN MORE THAN YOU DID BEFORE!!!!!!!!! never let anyone say anything about him OR YOU! love him 4ever and always. Aw....I hope my sons gay....NO REALLY I DO! BEST OF LUCK GIRL!!!!!! CYAZ!
2007-12-30 02:21:03 · answer #8 · answered by Ashlee 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't take any crap from anyone. Tell those catholics that it is not their place to judge. He is lucky to have you behind him and if his father does not come around he does not need him. He might have a harder life but it will be better because of your support.
2007-12-30 03:23:52 · answer #9 · answered by kim h 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is support him and tell your ex that he needs to support him to. But by you accepting him you've already done so much. I wouldn't run to your Catholic church and tell them about it but if they ask then yea tell them if they have something to say about it explain to them how for many generations Catholic preists have molested boys. If you're gay you're gay it's human no one can change that
2007-12-30 01:59:32 · answer #10 · answered by ProudToBeWhite 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can support him by joining Dignity, the catholic organization for GLBT people and PFlag, the national organization for parents and friends of gays and lesbians. There you will meet other parents who understand how you feel and can share your fears and joys........
Bless you........
2007-12-30 02:42:49 · answer #11 · answered by Cathryn 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋