It seems like nothing I do is good enough.?

Question

Ok here it goes. Me and my fiance are getting married in August of 2008. My parents have a spare Apartment right next to their house and I had worked it out that we'd do yard work and little odd and end stuff to pay rent.But we'd pay all the other bills.She believes that living so close there'll treat us like children and not as a a married couple. I see her point So I said we'll just be saving machines and get a small place somewhere but we'll have to wait on having children.She wants kids right off the bat which would be fine if we lived at my parents apartment but she doesn't want to live there. I've tried to explain that we can't have kids and get married and have our own place right off the bat. And then she gets mad at me when I said I'm doing the best I can but nothing good enough. Which probly wasn't smart but it's how I feel. Who's in the wrong here? How should I handle this situation?

Answer 1

Don't EVEN bring kids into a marriage like that where you can't even provide your own roof over their heads. If she insists on it, she's about stupid, and she will probably trap you into her getting pregnant any day now.

This does NOT sound like two mature people who are ready for marriage and all its responsibilities. Not even close.

If I were you, I'd call off the marriage completely. Sounds like a few more years of growing up are needed particularly on her end. DON'T let her get pregnant, whatever you do, or you'll be trapped in poverty hell. Refuse sex with her if necessary.

Answer 2

Seems like you guys do have some unresolve issues. Postpone the wedding till you guys read and work through this book:
The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say "I Do"
It's one thing to have problems after you married but you don't need t ogo into marriage with unresolved problems/issues.

It's a small, easy to read book, cost about $8-10. It doesn't cover all issues and it doesn't guarantee happiness but it does help you discuss some of the important stuffs and give you a better understanding of what each other think and where you stand.
When my husband and I went thru it, I was surprised cuz I thought I knew his anwer but ... well, I glad we brought it up.

Answer 3

That is a difficult situation to be in. Ask your fiance to understand that delving into too many responsibilities right away may cause you damages and hurt in the long run. Take things one at a time. why not take a small apartment somewhere and save enough for a baby in the following year? It will cause you a lot of strain if you are not ready to handle kids at this point.

Talk to your fiance in such a nice way that she would understand. You know, us girls can be so unreasonable sometimes. ;)

Answer 4

my husband and I are in a similar situation. My parents have a house and we're in the basement which is made like an apartment. We both want to move and we both want to start having children. I don't want to have children while staying with my parents so we just said that we'd wait and have children once we moved. Compromise is so important and if she can't do that she is definitely in the wrong. There should be more guys like you, you just want to make her happy....
Talk to her, it might be your answer Good Luck

Answer 5

Relationships are all about compromise. You and your fiance need to find a equilibrium in which both of you are happy. Try calmly talking things through and also try to understand her point of view. There is no one wrong in this situation, everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. Try working out a plan which both of you agree with. Every relationship has points where it is frustrating for both people, but being able to overcome these obstacles is going to strengthen the relationship you have with your fiance. This is only the beginning for you, the road of marriage has much larger obstacles than what you are facing now

Answer 6

i would say your right because your trying to think on the long run stuffs that comes with marriage... than money to get ur own place and having kids come with having money also.... and so what if your parents are going to interfere they always do... but its up to you two to make the desicion to of taking thier advice or not... she needs to grow up.... and face reality because your trying to plan things so you guys wont hit rock bottom, but she just wants to have kids and who will help you two take care of the children while you guys are at work... and you guys arent paying rent... shesh... you should talk it out and if it doesnt solve anything than maybe you should post-pone the wedding till u two reach an agreement...

Answer 7

It never will be good enough. If you want to be a puppet your whole life, go ahead and marry her. You will end up doing everything her way, just to avoid conflict.
It's all very well to recommend talking to her. I would have done that long before posting on YA. I give you credit for the same.

Answer 8

Talk to her... it does sound like shes spoiled. Tell her the whole idea of marriage is to compromise and make it through all the tough times together. Living at that apartment doesn't sound like a bad idea to me. I live next to my parents in a trailer, rent is free and what not. *shrug* I guess everybody is different though.

Answer 9

Your fiance has lost touch with reality my friend. You better cut the cord and run away as fast as you can...because a person like that will drag you down with them if they can!

Answer 10

Postpone the wedding until you can come to terms on where you will live and how soon you will start a family.