Am I wrong for ignoring his family and isolating myself, or am I justified for wanting to be alone?

Question

I have NO family on the east coast. My husband is pretty much my everything. I met him at 15; I am now 25. He has become so arrogant that he cannot admit his faults & in turn blames me 4 every downfall of our marraige. I spent Cristmas by myself, while he was with his family at his mom's, because earlier in the day he refused 2 wait 4 me 2 get dressed 2 go with him 2 his sister's house, & then came back with a BAD attitude. Friday night, he and his cousin went out 4 drinks. He said he'd be home in an 1 1/2 & his cell phone was dead. He was gone for 4 1/2 hrs and I found out he borrowed his brother's phone that night, but called me once from his cousin's phn. Yesterday, he left at 1045pm only saying "I'll be right back." He came home at 3am, & not one phone call. All I got was a Nextel search msg when I tried calling him. Today, at our home, he entertained his family, while I pretty much ignored everyone & isolated myself. He got mad at me & said to wait til my family visits.

Answer 1

This sounds alot like how i treated my Ex before we broke up.

IMO, you need to do what she did. Leave.
leave and do not come back to him for a few months, im not saying be with other people, but let him know you might if something happens, because you arent together anymore.

the result will either be that he realizes his faults and breaks down to realize how much you mean to him.... OR, he will say **** it and move on.

if he does the first, you should enter counceling with him before re-commiting that way you can fix the things that are wrong.

if he does the second then you did what needed to be done since he doesnt actually love you.

Answer 2

Forget the family. Sounds like hubby has an extra little something on the side. 10:45pm and came home at 3am. Oh my!! Yeah you could grin and bear it with his family but whats the point. You are putting up a front like everything is okay when you know darn well it isn't. You say that you don't have any family on the east coast, do you have any friends? If not that is a problem. If not it seems that he has isolated you from everyone except him and his family. Marriage counseling may be your answer. But that "I'll be right back" crap is tired!! "My phone died"...(yeah after he turned off the power). Open your eyes honey his family probably already knows about your problems anyway.

Answer 3

It sounds like the families aren't the issue. Your husband and you have some things to work out - and the first thing you need to do is COMMUNICATE. Secondly, take a step back and look at his behavior - staying out at all hours and not phoning you? Could he be a big, fat cheater? It's difficult to be around the family of someone you're having issues with because frankly, you're alone. They will always side with their blood. You may have gotten together too young - you were still a baby. I understand living in a place with no family - it feels pretty miserable and lonely sometimes. Forget about everyone else though - if you deem your husband worthy, then work your issues out - everything else will fall into place later.

Answer 4

I wouldn't say that you are justified in your actions but I understand that you are reacting to his hurtful behavior. Is there no one in his family you can befriend? They may intervene on your behalf in this situation. If you isolate yourself from his family they will get the impression that you don't like them and he will reinforce that by his actions.

I understand how isolation feels. It's difficult to be away from family. It is also difficult to be lonely in a relationship. Try to talk to him about how hurt you are that he is leaving you alone so much. Don't let him bring the family stuff into it. You are young, if he continues with this crappy behavior I suggest you go home.

If he's this bad now just think how it will be when you are older. You don't need that. Try to communicate with him first but if you don't see any changes leave him before you end up depressed and even more isolated.

Answer 5

You need to get out of there. The guy has absolutely no respect for you, nor does he even care about you, let alone love you. Not even close. Your marriage is dead, and he is now trying his best to bury it six feet under.

I hope you have some money saved up, and that you have no children.

Get out of there as fast as you can, file for divorce, and move on with your life. You can do a LOT better than that, there is a man out there who is just waiting to love you, care for you how you should be cared for, and cherish and respect you.

Best wishes.

Answer 6

Sound like you need to go to a marriage councilor or a therapist....get off of Yahoo answers, get a phone book out and call a professional... 14 and 15 yr old girl on here aren't going to help with advice

Answer 7

Hurt people... hurt others. You had hurt feelings, unfortunately your in-laws are feeling hurt. Apologize to them.
You and your spouse should consider counseling if you desire to remain married. Unhealthy habits such as you isolating yourself or making him your everything is a sign that you need to grow as a person. Dating him since the early age of 15 and not experiencing other avenues of life did not serve you well.

Answer 8

Why are you ignoring his family? Family comes with the marriage package. Are they mean to you? If they're nice to you, even if you don't like them a lot, it's better to just grin and bear it.
Anyways, your marriage just seems to be on the rocks.
You should really get some marriage counseling as soon as possible. You can also go see a therapist on your own if you'd like to do it that way. It's good to get things out of your chest sometimes. Trust me, you'll feel a lot better :)
Good luck and work on it. Don't give up just yet.

Answer 9

Why ignore his family? If he is coming and going all hours while you are waiting by the phone...you have a bigger problem the how you reacted to his family

Answer 10

there are lots of people who do merely that yet they are recognized as eccentric, nuts, unsociable, hermits, etc. once you're a young person this could be a short-term factor, and that could desire to be ok. while you're 20-30, and that's been happening on account which you have been a young person, i could concern greater. once you're a senior citizen and have lost your love and acquaintances, i could know it, yet could inspire you to grow to be socially lively. despite -- you will could desire to attend to people in such places as college or paintings, except you're truly prosperous.