2007-12-29 15:04:46 · 17 answers · asked by teetiemom 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It was a one night stand, the mother never told him. My husband ran in to her in March, she told him then. We had a DNA test done, it was 99% positive that he's the dad. However there are other circumstances that keep this as a "secret". My husbands daughter was adopted when she was 2 by her mothers first husband. This guy, a real jerk, beat the mother, put her in the hospital. Mother divorces him when "Shelby" was 7, but the courts, recognizing him as her legal father, gives him joint custody. Supposedly he has never harmed "Shelby", but is very controlling. Court date is set to have Shelby emancipate herself from adoptive father, so until then the adoptive father cannot find out that Shelby knows about her biological father and that she spends time with him. This is at the request of Shelby's mother & Shelby. They are afraid he would come after my husband. We did tell our 3 daughters, but then told them they can't tell. My husband feel that he owes her for not being there
2007-12-29 15:28:10 · update #1
You believe him? I've got a bridge to sell you...
2007-12-29 15:13:36 · answer #1 · answered by Jelise 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
How old is he ? Was he a kid when it happened? Tell him to get a GOOD lawyer so he gets out of the payment for the LOVE years missed . Its not his fault if he didn't know but it is his fault for not using protection . Not anymore than her so ...this is why he needs a lawyer. She will take him to the bank especially if he owns anything ...sorry to say he'll loose alot financially ! He already did ...her formatted years. If hes guilty then he must care about that . Look at the good side now . You have a daughter .. There is a little good in everything ... A little gift from GOD sent a Little late . He does have his ways doesn't he ?Good luck !!! Be supportive to him...new mommy!
2007-12-29 23:42:18 · answer #2 · answered by harlot j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he knew absolutely nothing about having this daughter - then he has nothing to feel guilty about.
Tell him the guilty person, is the person who concealed this information from him & from everybody else.
To feel guilt, is a choice. He needs to come to terms with himself that he had no control over not knowing .. and he has done nothing wrong.
IF he had knew about this daughter for 13 years - and did not acknowledge her - then he would have something to feel guilty about ... but he did not know.
He might check where this guilt is coming from. The guilt might be coming from a different direction -- like for the lost years where he could not help his daughter -- and years which can never be replaced .. but still, this is no choice of his.
He is innocent. He has nothing to feel guilty about.
Remind him of the Serenity Prayer .. which I have included below.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
2007-12-29 23:23:40 · answer #3 · answered by Tara 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him he is not at fault.. the mother is..for not telling him that there was a possiblity that he was the father.. if he knew and walk away the it is his fault..my ex did that.. and the courts had to make him do the dna..but if your husband did not know .. it was not his fault.. only the mother knows the child is hers..not the father...just be there for his child.. is the best thing he can do.. everything willl come together..if he is there for her..btw.. i when i say my ex.. that happen to him. he was told when the woman was pregant he was the father but he wanted a dna..she refuse so he did not believe her.. 16 yr later she took him to court
2007-12-29 23:20:03 · answer #4 · answered by vis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like his own personal battle. Let him go through all the emotions he's going through and try to be supportive. If he didn't know, then he shouldn't feel guilty. But that's something he's going to have to heal on his own. Good luck and take care of yourself!
2007-12-29 23:12:25 · answer #5 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing you can specifically do to change the way he feels, but just encourage him in any way possible to spend time with them now that he knows about her. Try not to stand in his ways when he wants to do things for her, and tell him that you have his back in all ways possible.
2007-12-29 23:23:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't get your husband to stop feeling guilty, those are his feelings and he owns them. This will come to pass in time, tell him that he can look forward to the time they will be spending together and support him on that.
2007-12-29 23:21:16 · answer #7 · answered by bobcatlady2u 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what the circumstances are but why doesn't he count his blessings that he found out at all? He needs to start making up for lost time and have fun with it.
2007-12-29 23:12:29 · answer #8 · answered by curlies55 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Help him to have his daughter beside him and makin' them happy together and work on that, if he still feel bad, try to get him connected to her mom and if you think you should walk out, walk out.....
If you really love him, do anything that would make him happy..
But don't walk out from now, try getting him connected to his daughter all the time and make them happy together and make sure their relation works good
2007-12-29 23:13:29 · answer #9 · answered by atdyrhs 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't, but by being supportive and understanding will help him. Get involved in being a part of his daugther's life, if that is what they both want.
2007-12-29 23:26:00 · answer #10 · answered by karisob 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Show him your love and support. You can't cure his guilt, but you can make it easier for him to face it and get through it. Tell him that you are always there for him to talk with and discuss it.
2007-12-29 23:11:18 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋