I love my baby..but I'm in over my head?

Question

My daughter is almost 3 months old. I love her but I've been thinking about leaving her and running away. I can't handle everything that's going on in my life right now. My relationship with her father is horrible. He's been physically abusive in the past, but he's constantly putting me down verbally. Everything he says just reinforces how I already feel. He's told me my life is ruined, my body is ruined, no one will ever love me, etc. I'm living with my family and we don't get along well either. I haven't worked in 6 months, I'm out of money for the first time in my life but don't know how to work with such a young baby to take care of. I'm so overwhelmed I don't know where to start. My life makes no sense anymore. I've thought about suicide but know I could never go through with it..so I've started contemplating running. What am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go? I don't want her to grow up with a depressed, miserable mom around. I know it's not her fault. Please help.

Answer 1

Well I'm going to give some personal experience advice. You don’t want to run or give up your baby!! It will be the worst day of the rest of your life and hers!!! May I suggest that you get rid of your husband or boyfriend that is a major upset right know for you and her! Your life wasn't real organized to begin with and he is making it kais, you don’t need that right know feeling already overweight and worn out from the toll of having a life. If you could find a relative that would let you work and help you take care of her that would be a start for routine of work and baby ,bringing in money will make you feel better and also being out in the world ,you need to have a routine and that is what’s making it overwhelming . The longer you’re with your daughter the calmer things will get remember you are new to her too! If you’re upset, it will make her upset cry, not sleep, vomit ECT. Try to stay calm and rational. It will start to come together with a little help from a relative like an aunt or sister that can help you take care of her. If you don’t have this you going to have to tell the relatives you’re with that you need to get a job and you need some help watching her! Get some Help from your state children and family services have many many programs and daycare, paid school for mothers. BUT GET RID OF THE ABUSER that is what’s making your life hell right now and you are going to take it out on the closest person you have which is her, that’s where your running feeling comes in because you don’t want to take this out on her but you don’t know what else to do IT IS THE ABUSER (HIM) he sounds like he is to busy to deal with a family and self centered. Try it what do you have to lose??? Everything if you don’t! If you give her up or run away that wont solve anything even if you never see her again because you conscience will always remind you of her! And suicide is a weak unsatisfying death!!!!

Answer 2

It wouldn't hurt to see a doctor if you can, maybe you're feeling this way because of post-partum depression...It's easily treated and can give you the strength and desire to move on and upward in your life. Some other options include, finding a women's shelter. A good program will often take a mother with her baby, help with finding work and childcare, and give support and life skills training. At least you can get away from your family and the father for a while. And you will be around women just like yourself for support. Running is hard...if you have to get away, make a plan so that you're safe and so is your baby.

I don't know if the father is part of his daughter's life, but if you truly want to give her up, then maybe you can find a loving intact home to adopt her? But, that's a big move, once she's adopted it's forever, so be sure that's what you really want.

I understand how helpless and hopeless you feel, but if you take it one day at a time, and plan and look for rational solutions, things can get better. So, think about what it is that you REALLY want, and take little steps every day to get there.

(And your life is not ruined - you are valuable and worthy of all you desire, you just have to try to get it, it won't come to you.) Good luck.

Answer 3

Do not take this the wrong way - I am not being mean, but sometimes I say thigns the wrong way... I have two kids, and along with their father being an abusive jerk (physically, mentally, verbally - you name it - if he could figure out how to do it, he did), so I also fel the same way that you do right now.
The first thing that you have to do is sit down and think about wether or not you want to deal with, maybe for the rest of your life, what is going on in your relationship. Hopefully you decide that you do not have to deal with that, and that you are better than that. After that, you need to sit down with your family and tell them how you feel. Include him in the conversation. Tell them how you would like to go back to work, how you feel, what is overwelming you, etc.
There are two things that are most important to be said - that you need help, from all of your family, to accomplish your goals, and he needs to know that you will not tollerate the way he is treating you. Tell him, plain and simple, "you either stop this, this and this or you find another place to go", and you have to stick to it!
If he leaves, or you decide that he has to go, you need to go straight to child support enforcement and start the paperwork to have a support order put into place.
The most important thing that I can tell you is that you should go talk to your doctor. Tell him what is going on... You may have post-partum depression, and there are medications that can help that. About six months after I was diagnosed with post-partum, I also found out that I was bi-polar, which explained alot of my life.

Answer 4

Don't take on everything at once. Start with what you need the worst.....positive self-talk. Your life is not ruined, your body is not ruined, and someone already loves (your family, even if you aren't getting along well with them right now), you find someone who will love you again. Contact your local family violence for counseling. File for divorce, including getting a protective order if necessary, if you are married to your baby's father. There should be zero tolerance for abuse. File for sole custody of your child and child support from her father. Then look for work....you need a job. It is not impossible to work with a young baby.....many women do. There is daycare, and often it is subsidized, or maybe a family member will help care for the baby if they realize you are trying to better your situation. Once you have a job and steady income, then look for a place of your own as it is probably not a good idea to stay indefinitely with your family.

I do not believe you are in over your head. You can work this out without running from your child.....take one day at a time, one step at a time. You should also see your doctor as you may be suffering from post-partum depression. If you run, no matter where you go your problems will still be there because you are the problem, not your child. Stay and work it out.....you will be glad you did, and she will thank you one day.

Answer 5

If you leave her and run away she will grow up and be miserable and depressed. It is not the end of the world, there is so much you can do. You can't kill your self but you can kill your child? Don't listen to your scum bf, there are ways, Many women were in your situation, and many made it out ok. Your bf is putting you down because he hates himself so he is trying to make you feel as bad as he does. You need to stay strong and find someone to help babysitting so you can find a job. Go and talk to someone at a local church or something. You can not bring a life in to this world and abandon it. You can put the baby up for adoption please do not harm the baby. With adoption you can still keep in touch and visit the baby. You still have a roof over your head, so make the best of it. Don't run away talk to your family you need them. Just because your relationship with the baby's father has ended doesn't mean your life has ended. He's not the last man on earth.

Answer 6

Find a reputable minister who you will feel comfortable talking to. Tell him about all of your feelings. See if he can help.

Do not take what your husband says to heart. He is a verbal abuser. You are taking all this so seriously .. and it is overwhelming you.

If you can - make yourself a plan - where you can find a way to support yourself .. support your child .. get your own place to live .. transportation .. etc ... and make a move where you don't have to be abused .. and be alone with youself & your daughter. Then begin working on yourself to where YOU ... like YOU.

Look for the light at the end of the tunnel .. and know that life can be better for you. You just have to have faith in yourself .. and know that it may take you a little while - but you can change things for yourself & your daughter. It IS SO possible .. and you CAN do it. Just hang in there .. don't give up .. and go for better.

Answer 7

Let's take a deep breath here. I know life can be overwhelming. Maybe tonight you can scan Youtube for some yoga moves. When you wake in the morning try to do some relaxing yoga in your room while baby plays on a soft blanket or in the bassinet. Turn on some relaxing music and try to enjoy the peacefulness for 20 minutes.
Would getting a job (even working at a shop at the mall) part-time make you feel any better? You would have some extra cash, a daily break from the house and probably meet new friends so you won't feel isolated.
Nourish your body with fruits and veggies and smoothies and water. That will help you lose your baby weight and make you feel better emotionally. Do this for YOURSELF not for husband.
Your baby needs a calm environment. Tell your husband that would like to work on proving a calm, non degrading environment for all of you and you need his help. If he can't follow through you'll have to ask him to leave.
Set up an appointment with your doctor to discuss your depression. Ask him to suggest a marriage councilor, too.
Good Luck and email me if you need some support.
don't give up on your child

Answer 8

First quit talking to the father..... Then think your family is still helping you. You may not get along but they must love you..... Next go to your local department of human services or something like that, they help you pay for childcare while you work... Then start putting money away for your own place..... There are usually low income housing in most towns so look for them and get on a waiting list.... All of this should help you feel better about your self and show you that yes you made a mistake but your life doesn't have to be over you can grow from it and make it work...... Good luck but don't run from that precious little baby of yours she needs her mommy and mommy will one day find a daddy that is worth some thing for the both of you....

Answer 9

I'm sure this is Post Partum Depression. Call a hot line. Your closest hospital probably has one there. Get rid of the father. If he treats you like this, he will aways be treating your daughter like this later. Putting her down if she doesn't please hiim etc.If you do anything you will hate yourself later.This means running or hurting yourself.Maybe you can work something out with someone so you can get a part time job. You don't need to be away from her a lot but a little would help you and her.It would also give you a bit of spending money. Make him pay child support. Every child deserves that. Good Luck and just remember, God is with you.

Answer 10

I have a son that is 8 years old. Up until 5 months ago I raised him as a single mother living with my family. I was 19 years old. The whole situation was extremely overwhelming. His father had decided it was just too much for him. I went a year with no job. I had honestly thought about just giving him to my parents and moving on several times. It was so much to handle. And I didn't feel like a good mother. I love him more than life itself and so glad I hung on. I went to school and got a min wage job in the meantime. Do you have a babysitter? Think about the future with her and one day how she may look back and miss you terribly.. And I'm sure it would eat you up knowing you had a little girl out there. Suicide will leave your family and your daughter with so much grief and unanswered prayers. Good luck:)