I want a more serious relationship with a guy I'm seeing now.
The problem is that since the beginning of this year my sex drive has practically disappeared.
But now that I’ve met someone I really care about it’s really bothering me… and I’m sure they must ask themselves questions.
He’s always been very nice about it… but how can I ask a guy to be my boyfriend (monogamous) if I can hardly have sex with him.
We do lots of foreplay, and I enjoy being intimate with him, I am very attracted to him… but I feel no desire, I can’t get aroused… I have to ask him to stop finally because I’m not turned on enough, the sex isn’t pleasurable.
We still get together, but I’m sure he sees other girls… which I understand.
I know sex is not all that matters, but to a degree, it still does matter.
I’m just very hurt about my situation… I don’t know how to talk to him about it.
What do I say? I have no sex drive?
He’ll think I’m not interested in him..He’ll think something is wrong with me…
2007-12-29 14:35:34 · 8 answers · asked by Catherine 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
A practical suggestion is this- are you in good physical shape? Do you run and/or workout and do sports? It's all machinery, if the rest of your body is thriving, so too will your sex drive.
2007-12-29 14:43:45 · answer #1 · answered by heartscared 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you on medications? Especially antidepressants, tranquilizers, sleeping pills, antipsychotics, antihistamines, blood pressure meds? These can all kill sex drive. Natural inhacements for sex drive are the amino acids l-Histidine and l-Argine as well as GABA. Also, are you under more stress than usual lately? Also, how is your mood? Low mood or fatigue or pain can mess up sex drive. Some women find reading erotica very stimulating. You might rent some sexy movies. Often women like ones that are also educational and very much take the woman's pleasure into account. Getting more exercise could also help build your sex drive as well as reduce stress and elevate your mood. Another thing to consider is that it is almost impossible to become aroused if you cannot relax. Is this a problem for you? One thing you might do is to ask your boyfriend to give you an all-over body massage before foreplay. This will increase your level of a hormone call oxytocin. Oxytocin is important in bonding, sexual arousal, and orgasm, as well as breastfeeding and childbirth. It is a pleasure chemical which intensifies skin sensation while also acting as a natural painkiller. It is the hormone responsible for the uterine contractions during orgasm that feel so good. Not only that, the chemical makes you feel cuddly, and the massage will likely relax you. Using scented massage oil will make the experience more enjoyable. Some essential oils that tend to cause sexual arousal in women are sandalwood, ylang-ylang, and jasmine. Geranium is a mood lifter and might help as well.
As far as talking to your boyfriend, tell him you enjoy being sexual with him, but for a while now you have been having arousal problems which have nothing to do with him. Ask him to help you and participate in the above activities with you. Also, learn to masturbate. That way you will know what you enjoy and will be able to teach your boyfriend. Make sure you know where both your clitoris and your g-spot are and how you like having them stimulated. Invest in some books on Tantric sex and Tantric massage. One good one for starters is Margo Anand's "The Art of Sexual Ecstasy". There are also many good online sources to learn about Tantra and sexuality on. Above all, don't worry. Relax. It will happen.
2007-12-29 15:51:29 · answer #2 · answered by valeriekelley33 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you assume this situation is psychological, go to your family doctor and have a physical.
Certain medications can effect libido.
Low testosterone (yes females have testosterone) levels cause a drop or loss in sexual desire.
Other hormonal and chemistry imbalances can effect it too.
Discuss this with your doctor.
If you're okay physically, then start looking for other reasons.
Did something in your past suddenly start to bother you? Any abuse experienced? Are there religious issues involved? How do you truly feel about your boyfriend?
Get a medical exam and delve into your psyche.
2007-12-29 14:56:37 · answer #3 · answered by Marguerite 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been through the same thing myself. I really think that you need to find out about your own body. Get to know what feels right to you and then let him know how to please you, because if you don't know what feels good, he isn't going to know either. I learned this by going to a counselor. Men aren't mind readers and every body is different. What pleases one woman, doesn't always please the next! I have also heard about stimulator's that are placed under the skin (in the back) that helps women with having the "grand finale". Let him know how you feel about him! That makes a lot of difference! I also think that you should talk to your doctor to rule out any physical problems. Good luck! I understand!
2007-12-29 15:01:00 · answer #4 · answered by Kimmie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the problem is him and not you. You said he does see other girls and you understand, perhaps he is intentionally trying not to arouse you, have you ever considered that? Maybe he just is on a power trip and likes having you there for back up. You need to dump him and find someone that does sexually arouse you, sometimes when you are not sexually aroused, it's your inner senses kicking in, telling you that this is not the person you are meant to be with
2007-12-29 14:40:46 · answer #5 · answered by Girly Q 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
but how can I ask a guy to be my boyfriend (monogamous) if I can hardly have sex with him"
Hopefully you can ask this because he cares about you and your needs .If he is not at the stage in his life that the can actually do something for someone else .......
What if he with another girl and gets a STD( assuming he does not have one now.)
Speak with you Dr there are several Treatments for your condition( which is very common)
2007-12-29 14:40:24 · answer #6 · answered by 1980 something 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you are not ready to be in a sexual relationship. You should wait til your married. Find a boyfriend who wants to wait too. It will all work out.
2007-12-29 14:44:45 · answer #7 · answered by Shell 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you're on birth control, that can also screw up your sex drive.
2007-12-29 14:45:15 · answer #8 · answered by Chrissy D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋