We have dated for 6 yrs now. Christmas has come and gone and he knows he is my guest at all my family gatherings. As a matter of fact, I had to work Christmas and he attended our family dinner without me or even an invitation from me. He popped in un announced. My brother told me he arrived un announced and of course, my family made him feel welcome.
Tommorrow, his adult children and the rest of his family are all getting together for Christmas, and he did not ask me to attend. He said he didnt know about it until the last minute, but he told me about it 4 days ago. He knows I feel insulted and poorly treated.
What is he doing? Why would he treat me like an outsider after 6 yrs?
2007-12-29 14:23:18 · 18 answers · asked by happydawg 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
He loves you and your family.
His family hasn't accepted you.
2007-12-29 14:27:38 · answer #1 · answered by Yinzer from Sixburgh 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may not occur to him that you want to go.
Also you say "his adult children" but don't mention their mother. Is she going to be there? It may be that he doesn't want to have any tension there because both of you are there. If it is not at his house whichever adult child is hosting it may have specifically said not to bring you because of the mother (presumably they would also have told the mother not to bring her boyfriend/current husband as well).
Did you have anything to do with why he is no longer with the mother? i.e. Did he cheat on her with you? If so you're likely going to viewed as home wrecker until the end of time in the eyes of his children.
Either you know details we don't that would let you answer this yourself if your honest with yourself or it is truly for some reason you're unaware of. If the latter then you'll always guess (perhaps incorrectly) until you ASK him. If you've been with him 6 years and can't ask him uncomfortable questions without fear of retribution then that in itself should tell you that it isn't really a relationship.
Oddly enough on both Thanksgiving and Christmas my lady friend spent the day with her family and her ex husband was there so it didn't even occur to me to WANT to be there.
2007-12-29 14:40:11 · answer #2 · answered by Say_What? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Someone who would do that is selfish and egotistical. He probably wants your family and you to really like him, and he wants to keep his life separate, just in case. After 6 years you shouldn't be treated like this. And you shouldn't be lied to, even white lies like "I just found out". I dealt with that for 3 years before it blew up and I realized this person is always going to do this. I wasn't okay with being "at arm's length" with my significant other, and it ended. I'm glad it did b/c now I have a boyfriend who is the exact opposite and it's so much better - you feel so much better about yourself. I don't know your situation, but I think that this probably has been going on a long time. You should think about moving on. You should definitely call him out on it and ask for an explanation. Good luck!
2007-12-29 14:28:25 · answer #3 · answered by takeoutgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he might be worried that his family might bring up something from his past that would be embarrassing for him or make you think differently of him. He might feel distant to his own family and don't want you to know it also. I know lots of couples who for some reason or another don't share their family w/their mate, even the married ones. The best ? is to ask him to see if he can tell you why and try to do it with love and not as a lawyer. Good luck!!
2007-12-29 14:44:07 · answer #4 · answered by Geo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm...maybe since it is an unspoken rule that he is welcome at your family gatherings, it is the same for his. Show up and if his family welcomes you with open arms, it's all good. If he and his family treat you like shitte, you know where you stand and figure out where you go from there. But, just remember, guys aren't deep or emotional about this kind of stuff. It doesn't sound like he meant to exclude you, necessarily. Prob just felt like it was an unspoken rule you were invited. Good luck.
2007-12-29 14:29:28 · answer #5 · answered by jonesv725 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you met his family before? Maybe there is something about them that he doesnt want to you know, or is he trying to stop them telling you something about him that he doesnt want you to know? Maybe they don't even know about you. Sometimes children from previous relationships just cant accept anyone other than their own mother or father. I'd just sit him down and ask him straight out, is he ashamed of you or them? Watch his face, if he cant look you in the eye... I'd be questioning this.
2007-12-29 14:28:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that 6 years is too long to date anyone. In all this time he has excluded you? Honestly, you need to find someone else.
Unless there's something wrong with you or his family, this is inexcusable. Does he bring you around his family at all? This something that you need to think about. Either way, he has to have a spectacular explanation or it's time to move on.
2007-12-29 14:28:06 · answer #7 · answered by c d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he doesnt feel comfortable bring you to his family...maybe it has nothing to do with you directly...maybe he is ashamed of his family...or maybe he knows your family will accept him and he feels more comfortable with them...i just feel like if you and him and been together for 6 years and you don't feel comfortable asking him directly then maybe you shouldnt be together these are all warning signs that you are not seeing so i would say talk to him directly see what the problem is...or you know what then you need to call it quits
2007-12-29 14:28:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds sorta more like just a "Friend" than an actual "Boyfriend". IF you wish to have him as a literal b/f then TELL HIM that his literal actions are inappropriate.
OR you could literally even pop in to HIS party and see what he thinks about it.
2007-12-29 14:34:58 · answer #9 · answered by pblahut70 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously, you are not part of his family. He's not going to marry you if he hasn't done it in 6 years and you are just a side girl until he finds something better. Goodluck to you.
2007-12-29 14:27:04 · answer #10 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe his family doesn't approve of you. It happens at points and he has to choose his family over you - only fair.
Plus you didn't invite him, maybe he thinks you'll do things unannounced if thats what he has to do.
2007-12-29 14:27:11 · answer #11 · answered by Virginia Chic 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋