I am curious to hear everyone's views on this?

Question

Why would a mother turn a blind eye to sexual abuse of her children? why would she constantly ignore her daugters telling her what is happening? Why would she choose to believe the perpertrator her husband and their father that the "girls are making it up".

I read some real life stories about child sexual abuse and could not imagine a mother not doing anything to prevent their father sexually abusing her daughters. What do you think?

Answer 1

Sounds like escapism. They dont seem to have the emotional stability to deal with the situation. Also just like some men get ruined over a black widow woman who pushes all his buttons, the same can be said for women, so that because of eithier of the mentioned reason they prefer to be in denial, rather than to deal with a difficult future, or to part with somone they feel is like no other.

Answer 2

In some cases the women who side with abusive fathers have no work skills or choices when it comes to being able to support their families without the husband in the picture, so they deludes themselves into thinking the abuse isn't going on. In some cases the mothers were victims of abuse themselves and they view it as a part of "normal" childhood.

In a few other cases, the mother has no mothering instincts what so ever and should never have been a mother in the first place. I had a cousin like that and she allowed her children to be both sexually and physically abused for years. The son grew up to commit suicide. The daughters ended up in very abusive marriages. Just like families pass down positive traits, they can pass down their negatives "traditions."

Answer 3

It is sad but true, I think it has to deal with feeling insecurity.
I personally would kick the man out, and report him, and do what I could to make his life/existence miserable.
Not all women have the strength to stand up and speak out; so they let this sort of abuse continue.
They also do not know how to handle such a situation - so they blame the wrong person and ignore what is happening.
SAD, no child should be sexually abused.
Children are precious and innocent, preserving their innocence for as long as a person can is a good thing - there is just too much evil in this world to contend with!

Answer 4

I've wondered about this too and the only reason I can think of is that they themselves went through the same experience when they were a child because quite often we repeat what we've learned from our childhood experiences. If as a child the mother wasn't believed, this is exactly what she's learned and repeats with her own child. Another interesting dynamic is that she'd get involved with (married) a molester - more than likely, just like dear old dad.

Answer 5

First of all, I just want to say that I don't think this kind of behavior is justifiable. However, I know a woman (and her family) who were in this type of situation, and I remember feeling deep disgust at suspecting that the mother knew her daughter was being sexually abused by her father. The mother was a heroin addict. She kept herself so high all the time that either she really didn't know what was going on, or she got high to block out what she knew. I suspect she knew, and was in deep denial. The drugs kept her numb and confused. It was her way to escape a reality that she did not know how to deal with. This mother was so heavily addicted that nine times she had to be brought back from the brink of death inside a hospital emergency room, because of overdoses. I think she knew...and I also think she was very mentally and emotionally unstable. Luckily, the father confessed to me that he had been sexually abusing his daughter, and I was able to intervene on behalf of the child involved. But I've always strongly suspected that the mother knew, even though she claimed not to. What is also baffling is that though the child was given a medical examination, and it was found that there was physical evidence of the abuse, the child steadfastly refused to cooperate with authorities...protecting her father as best she could. The whole situation was very, very tragic...very sad. The entire family had very deep issues...the father was also a heroin addict. He confessed his crimes to me after he overdosed himself (in attempt to take his own life) with heroin. He hated himself for what he had done. He was crying out for help. He didn't want to hurt his daughter. He was a very sick man...he was sexually abused at a very young age, himself. The whole situation was very disturbing. Lord only knows how I found myself in the middle of this drama. I didn't really know these people at all. I had met the mother only a couple of times..but the daughter was a friend to one of my daughters. I had only met the father once, briefly, before he came to my doorstep and collapsed in my living room. When he came to, he told me everything. He told me he trusted me to hear him out. I will never understand exactly why he chose me to tell the story to. But I'm glad he did, because I was able to bring in outside help for this family.

Answer 6

Yes, you're correct, but as far as I know and based on the information I gathered from the victims themselves, wife in general, in that kind of situation, are facing FEAR problems.
One is fear of survival, they used to depend on the capacity of their husband to raise the family, give them shelter and all family needs.
Second, is foolish love. They don't care about the sufferings of their daughters with the hand of their own husband,
Third is, trying to avoid scandal against their husband name, their children's sake and even for the whole family.
It might be the wrong perceptions, but these women are facing all these dilemma during the occurence of a very destructive and critical problem that you mentioned.

Believe me, as I have said this is a reality and it happened. I myself interviewed the wives and they gave me the same answer.Women should have representation about this and be strong enough to face the consequences of their husband;s mistakes.

Answer 7

I think people imagine that child abusers are all absolute monsters all the time. They have a hard time believing or admitting that someone they know who seems "normal" could do something like that. It doesn't often fit the idea they have in their mind of what an abuser is.

Answer 8

Certainly not to justify this, but they seem to be of very weak natures and cannot deal psychologically with the possibility. Such a reality check would turn their whole world upside down. The weak nature would explain the choice in having such a mate as well. Abusers tend to choose women they believe they can easily manipulate.

Answer 9

The woman is probably horribly in denial because she does not want to have to face the consequences, and perhaps feels comfortable in her lifestyle. Reporting him would mean losing whatever money he contributes to the home, and since shes not ready to deal with that reality, shes not ready to believe her daughters. Thats why women like her need to go to prison for a very long time.

Answer 10

From what I have been told she is afraid of being alone, I have a friend who was in that situation. Her little sister who was 4 at the time was being raped by her stepfather. My friend caught him once, there was even evidence because of bruising and blood in her vagina when they took the baby to the hospital. She ignored it for years (might have been her alcohol addiction too). Until the little girl turned 12 and ended her life. I spoke to the mother she said it was the fear of having no-one. She put her child's life at risk because she didn't want to be alone. It makes me sick to my stomach.