Marriage in trouble, I think I should leave but don't know how. HOW?

Question

He makes me so miserable. The ONLY time he gives me attention is when he wants sex. Everything I say or do is 'stupid' he doesn't trust me, I have NO friends, but he is out with his friends watching a ball game right now. I am the major financial supporter of the family, but he makes sure the kids are where they need to be. (They are 4 & 7, when we fight, they beg us not to get divorced) I couldn't continue with my current work schedule without him doing what he does. Most of the time I really HATE him, but occasionally he is in a decent mood and we get along. I try to talk with him, but he says the way I say things 'just pisses him off' so he won't talk about his mood swings. He blows up at me at the drop of a hat. I also do 75% or more of the housework, along with my full time job. He only works about 30 hours a week, and constantly is mad when the house is dirty or something he wants to wear is not clean. Please help, I just need some advice. We have 8 yrs behind us.

I know what needs to be done, but I think I just need to hear it from other people, because he makes me feel like I'm the screw up all the time. If I were my friend, I would think my friend were an idiot for staying for as long as I have. I feel really stupid even putting this all out here...

Answer 1

Please get out now. This is not what your children need as an example of how two married people relate to each other, nor is it an example of a marriage that they may end up thinking is normal.

First thing to do is secure your finances. Get another bank account, one that nobody but you knows about. Start putting your money into it. When you have enough in it that you can pay rent for at least three months including deposits, utilities, transportation, lawyer and divorce fees, food, etc. then leave and file for divorce.

Answer 2

You sound such as you look after her very deeply and additionally you're having a stressful adequate time having to circulate to Iraq. you're the two youthful and lacking out on each and every little thing. She is lonely once you're long previous and that's one reason she does what she does. yet... i could ask your self how lots she loves you too. i'm confident she thinks you should be doing issues far off from living house to boot. genuine love does no longer exchange with distance however the loneliness can turn us in direction of somebody else and issues do take place. She is going to the bars considering you're no longer there and he or she is lonely and confident while she is at one there will be adult males drawing near to her. confident she could do it lower back considering you would be long previous lower back. All i will enable you recognize is that in case you could stick all of it out till at last your duty in Iraq stops continuously then perhaps you may make your existence jointly artwork. i certainly don't sense this lady loves you sufficient using fact i know i could wait in the process the loneliness for you if I enjoyed you. you're married in spite of each and every little thing and a woman that loves her guy has to take the undesirable with the best and additionally you being long previous is evidently undesirable, yet her love could desire to be reliable adequate so which you would be able to no longer commit a sin against you considering you're battling for our country!

Answer 3

The bottom line is and has to be Are you happy? If the answer is no I say move on. I recently seperated from my husband. It took me so long to realize that this is what I had to do. When I thought about divorce as an option I would always talk myself out of it. I didnt feel like I had good enough of an excuse. My husband didnt cheat, he didnt abuse me, why should I divorce him? What I finally realized that I had the only reason I needed. I was not happy and he was not willing to change the things that needed to be changed in order to make me happy. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 4

It is amazing how many people go through this. All I have to say is my parents fought all the time and they were divorced pulling us back and forth and that is no way for your kids to live. You have to think what would be healthier emotionally for you and your kids. I remind my sister all the time of this because she has a situation like yours. If they lived in the same house, different rooms and never had contact with each other they would be fine and when she gets upset he does just enough to "keep her there" or "make her happy" but its a cylce and it comes right back.

Answer 5

Remember Paul Anka's song "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover?" Surely, one of them would fit your situation.

Honey, you are being emotionally abused to the nth degree. You deserve better than that but only you can decide how much you have or will take. When you've had enough, you'll leave. As simple as that. And it will be when the time comes.

Remember, you are worth a heck of a lot more to somebody else, somebody who will cherish and appreciate you and your virtues and will honor and respect you. Think about what all you have to offer and then leave this jerk and go do it.

Good luck.

Answer 6

I actually would not wash any of his clothes and he needs to do a little more housework. He lives there too and is a grown man, why is it your fault when something is dirty. You get along when it is convenient for him. I would not put up with a man calling me stupid. For me life is too short to be miserable. I would have a talk with him and tell him that things need to change or he needs to go. That is what I would do.

Answer 7

Hi. i'm a nurse too. tough job. But you sound exactly like me...I'm married to a person just like that, good thing about your relationship is that you aren't dealing with step children. You don't need counseling..you need to be free and so do I. i often wonder..why do i put up with this. Only we know the real reason why. Is it that you are comfortable with your mate? whatever it is..it's time to make up your mind on what you want to do with this situation. If he makes you that miserable..it's time to let the door hit him where the dog should have bit him.

Answer 8

Geez... when my husband complains about the house being dirty I just dont wash his damn boxers or socks... that seems to work wonders....

He seems like a real ***! Sorry - but you need to seek counseling if you want to try an make this work. If not - get it together and go! I am not a fan of divorce but fighting in front of the kids will ruin them. My parents fought so much that I was HAPPY when they told me that they were seperating... FINALLY - and I was only 10.

OH - one last thing - STOP having sex with him- I hold my "PIE" hostage when my hubby starts acting like a jerk!

Answer 9

It sounds like you are ready to leave and you have had enough - and it's pretty clear WHY you've had enough.

Now you need to figure out the logistics and make a plan. Set a date to leave and figure out all the things you need to do between now and then to get you where you need to be. That's when you figure out child care, where you will live and how you survive.

Good luck!

Answer 10

He sounds like a very unpleasant person.
I really don't know how you've dealt with him for as long as you have without some type of counseling. Is there any chance you two could get counseling to try and salvage the relationship? Otherwise, it sounds pretty bleak. Also. it's very damaging to your children to expose them to your arguing.