Do you think this is ok?

Question

my dad says, no boyfriends, makeup, hair straightening, painting nails and toes, until im out of college. is this right?
i understand he doesnt want me to get hurt with the boyfriend part, but this seems a bit unfair...

so is this fair?

or dying my hair...o and no sleepovers, and no friends aloud to come over, and no text messaging

and lots more..the list keeps going..

i tried, hes the type of person, who doesnt crack...

and im 14 btw

Answer 1

I understand no dating, but it should be on an age-limit basis like not till you're 16 or something. You should be able to straighten your hair, paint your nails, and to some extent no make-up, but till you're out of college? Please. When you're 18, you'll legally be an adult and if you move out of the house, you can do whatever you want.
You're daddy's being a little unreasonable, but that's how they are. They see their little girl's growing up and want something to make it seem like you're still the little girl you was. But he's gotta learn to let go. Talk to him and try to get some of these things available to you. I don't know about the dating situation, but you can probably get him to let you do something with your hair and nails and maybe a little bit of make-up.
Hope This Helped :-)

Answer 2

I'm not sure how old you are now but this does seem unfair if you have, up to this point, been a good, responsible kid.

If your dad's response is because you've been dishonest or broken rules before then you'll first need to gain trust back.

In any case, I'll continue as if you've been a responsible daughter. I think it's unreasonable that you cannot have a boyfriend but your dad is going to have a hard time keeping you from dating until AFTER college. Having a boyfriend is part of growing up and going through break-ups etc helps you mature. Maybe you need to talk to your dad and explain you'd like to have a boyfriend but you understand there will be boundaries.

If seems from your note that you're not allowed to have friends over. Does this mean no friends anytime? weeknights? etc. Maybe he feels that you should be spending family time and that friends and a boyfriend take away from that. I think you should explain that you want to have friends come over but you're responsible enough to plan their visits around your families schedule. Obviously, it'd be rude if you always have friends dropping in without asking your family first. Explain that you understand this and that there must be time each week that it'd be acceptable to have friends visit.

Same for a boyfriend, maybe suggesting that all your time with a boy doesn't have to be spent out on dates alone. Suggest that a boyfriend can come watch a movie with you at the house or you can go to the mall with a group of friends and maybe he'll be more comfortable.

As for the painting nails, hair straightening and hair dying. You should be allowed to grow up and dress like a woman. Maybe his concern is that makeup, etc is superficial. If all your peers are wearing makeup that can be very uncomfortable. Tell your dad that wearing makeup is a socially accepted practice and that you're not looking for crazy costume looking makeup but wearing mascara and coverup don't drastically alter your appearance but allow you to play up your natural beauty.

Maybe your dad doesn't realize how mature you are. The key, I think, is to approach these issues VERY maturely. If you break down crying or yell at him you're not going to win this battle. Go out of your way to act responsible. If you're old enough to wear make up then you're old enough to help out around the house without being asked.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Definitely not fair. Your dad sounds like mine. He was super strict with me and I never did anything wrong. I was always a rulle follower. Anyways, he made mistakes in life and told me he did not want me to make the same ones, so he decided not to allow me to do ANYTHING so I could not make a mistake. Then silly things like not keeping the house super clean became a big deal. LAME.

I survived through high school though I was miserable. When I went AWAY to college I just did whatever I wanted. He wasn't paying for it, I lived on my own. I was over 18, he had no say in my life. No I did not go hog wild, but yes I got a tattoo when I wanted one, I drank at a few parties now and then. I had a life. I dated. And then I got married and had kids. He still likes me. And he has actually told me a couple times he thinks I have done well.

Answer 4

Unfortunately you have to follow rules even if they seem a little extreme!!

Life will run so much more smoothly for you. I know it is hard. Yet, talk to your dad and find out where he is coming from. He may have several legitimate reasons why he has these rules.

Hopefully, once you have had a mmature conversation with him he will see your point of view. But, if he is still firm with his rules the best thing to do is to follow them.

You will have your chance to do these things later. Just make your life easier and follow your fathers rules.

Good luck.

Answer 5

No!
I mean, i understand the dating thing, but makeup? He sounds like an extremely paranoid person. I suggest getting therapy for him, cus this sounds like he's got psychological problems. When you get to college, i suggest you MOVE OUT.
When your 18, you're legally an adult, and you don't have to listen to your parents anymore.

Meanwhile, get the help of a relative. Could you move in with your mom, instead? If not, try to see if you can move in with a relative.

If you can't do that, show you're responsible. Show you can make decisions for yourself. Always do your homework, get decent/good grades, and respect him. Always think before you act and try not to make any stupid mistakes. Act MATURE, that is the key. If you're going to ask him to change his mind, do it in a CALM manner. Rationalize with him, and try to sound smart. I suggest you rehearse this with a friend.

Maybe you can convince him to at least let your friends over by introducing them to him. Let him get to know them better so he might trust you with them.

Answer 6

Some of those are a little harsh... How old are you right now? I would have a discussion (not yell, not whine) and ask him why he has those rules and then talk to him about maybe having light makeup or friends over when he is home... Dads sometimes are afraid of their little girls growing up but I think you should talk to him about it. Good luck

Answer 7

Absolutely not! You should be allowed to straighten your hair, paint your nails. I can understand no boyfriends, and some what no makeup, but I really think he's being unreasonable.

Answer 8

He is being totally unrealistic, those rules can't be made like that because you are legally able to have sex at a younger age than that. You humor him for a while , let him get so he is less worried about you, then get negotiating for fair rules.

Answer 9

Well there isn't a lot you can do. Try to talk to him. He can't make you wait until your out if college even if he wanted - you are not bound to your parents the minute you turn 18. Good luck:)

Answer 10

You'll be a legal adult before you even start college. You'll be a legal adult at 18, after that you can do w/e you want, and your dad can't punish you. If I were you I'd be like, "Well, once I'm 18 I can do those things."