I was a pathological liar until recently. I got married in March, and I really love my husband. He knows I was a pathological liar. But he didn't know how serious. The problem is that when I first met him, before he and I even dated, I told him a few of these automatic stories that I tell everyone when I first meet them. I have never told him that none of those stories were true. And I always felt somewhat bad about it. But I haven't lied to him again. The problem is I wonder if I'm wrong for still not telling him the truth. I'm afraid that if I do, he won't trust me ever again or he might even leave me. I recently started going to church though too and I was told that I'm going to be "punished" for not telling him the truth and that he'll be taken from me. I wonder if I don't tell him another lie can I be forgiven for the ones I told him before he and I met ? Will he be taken from me if I don't tell him the truth about the first lies even if I never lie to him again? What can I do?
2007-12-29 11:37:25 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No...I'm not lying right now lol. And no, the church I go to didn't tell me that. I didn't have enough space to say that my cousin actually said that my husband would be taken from me if I didn't come clean. I mean that I started going to church recently and kind of learned right from wrong that way.
2007-12-29 11:55:41 · update #1
Are you lying right now?
2007-12-29 11:40:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"I had a terrible dream last night: I dreamed that all truths were known." -- George Bernard Shaw
What you do from now on is more important that what you did in the past. Begin building trust and you will have earned your fair share of it.
There is almost nobody who hasn't told a lie... but that doesn't mean you Must Tell All Truths. In fact, some truths hurt when told at the wrong time and in the wrong way.
As for punishment, you have created enough of your own private hell to last you a lifetime. Accept whatever forgiveness you have been offered, and (if I may borrow a phrase) "go now and sin no more".
Peace
2007-12-29 11:44:08 · answer #2 · answered by Don M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there is something that you feel you need to tell someone you care for, you should. There is a reason you are feeling it. As for how you should do it, I guess it depends on the subject matter. If you had a disorder, I am assuming that you had therapy. It isn't a bad idea to have counseling as a couple, especially before habits turn into routines. That would be a safe environment to tell your husband, and a therapist could help you decide the best way to phrase it.
As for being 'punished' spiritually for not coming clean, that depends on how much of that religion you want to buy. Religion offers a lot of condemnation, from the people that go 2 times a year, to the people that go to daily services. The great thing is that if you belong to their denomination, you get a free pass, usually referred to as 'forgiveness', if you fess up and are appropriately contrite. In any case, I wouldn't stress that. The real issue is with your husband.
My answer - tell him somehow, soon. Keeping secrets is very dangerous to relationships that are based on trust.
That's my $.02. Don't spend it all in one place.
Baron Von Lipwig
2007-12-29 11:53:05 · answer #3 · answered by Baron Von Lipwig 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let the past die and bury it. Ask for forgiveness from those and then let it be. As long as you are really telling the truth here and youve reformed there is no real need to bring up the past so dont tell him unless absolute necessary. Dont ask dont tell. God isnt going to take him away from you or else probably not too many of us would have our spouses if that were true. There was a life before marriage so leave that one there. Good luck and Happy New Year
2007-12-29 12:02:48 · answer #4 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him the truth. Sit him down and tell him how scared you are to do it, and explain that you want him to know because of how much he means to you. if he's important to you, he desrves the truth.
I don't know what church you are going to, but that is not how God opperates. If you have repented for your sins, God forgives. He does it a lot easier and more completely thatn humans. However, true repentence includes trying to make amends for the things you have done. So Tell him. God will not take your husband away, but the longer you let the lies go on, the more betrayed he will feel when he finds out, AND THEY ALWAYS FIND OUT!
That would be where you risk losing him.
2007-12-29 11:55:30 · answer #5 · answered by Twila G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As for Christians, you are forgiven of your sins once you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Your slate up to that point is wiped clean, so to speak. Some churches only preach fire and brimstone, and not nearly enough gospel for new Christians. It is good to understand ALL of who God is. But He sent His son to die for all of us. From the point you became a Christian, the most important thing you can do is love and try to always be Christ-Like. Understand you will always fall short, but Jesus NEVER turns his back on you, and will help you pick up the pieces. Your husband will not be taken for your past sins. Be a good wife NOW, and try to be a child of God. He will take care of you and your marriage.
I ALWAYS think honesty is best between a husband and wife. If the two of you are best friends and want to be together, you will be fine. You can't have an honest marriage if it's on a foundation of lies.
2007-12-29 11:50:22 · answer #6 · answered by SWEETYPI 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on what kind of lies they are. If they were little white lies I'd probably let it go and confess if it came up like say if you lied and told him you knew how to ski and you were talking about skiing then you should probably confess but if it was something big like saying you were adopted or something you should just sit him down and let him know that you are trying to be an honest person and you don't want to lies to come between you and go down the list and tell him what the lie was and what the truth really is.
2007-12-29 11:45:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So, lies got you a husband? Now you want to confess your sins after the fact. If you withhold the truth, you are still a liar. There are going to be consequences so be woman enough to deal with it. Had you been honest from the start, you would not be in this situation now and he would have fallen in love with you based on TRUTH, not LIES!
2007-12-29 11:42:58 · answer #8 · answered by Lisa W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will respect you more if you fess up and tell him the truth now. Tell him that for you to truly change you need to clear up something with him. If he married you knowing you had a problem with lying then he surly will not be angry with you for telling the truth now. As for God, God forgives us no matter what, but you need to be willing to change your behavior. God is not going to take your husband away. What church are you going to? They don't sound bible based, which is not good.
2007-12-29 11:43:20 · answer #9 · answered by Shell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you are going to have to tell him just to make your conscience clear again. i dont think you will be punished or that he will be taken from you but it's not cool to start a relationship on lies. if he knows that you used to have a problem then he will understand when you come clean with him.
2007-12-29 11:46:00 · answer #10 · answered by fullofsugaw 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God will forgive you if you ask him to - no burning in hell for it. It's forgotten.
Now, move on - quit beating yourself up over it. You're wanting to change, allow yourself at least that.
The past is past - leave it there. It does no good in the present or future. Never has, never will.
2007-12-29 11:43:58 · answer #11 · answered by InnerBeauty28 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋