OK I found out a week ago that my husband was in debt by $5000.( He had tranfered balances before to a 0% APR credit card with a max of $3000. But then he went and remaxed out the cards he did the balance transfer on! ) . Ok, so this morning I get a call from the $3000 card wanting a $500 payment ! He did a cash advance ! and they are now charging 71% APR ! To make matters worse that card is maxed !
So I talked to his dad. He had me look through all his statements ( not good because my husband dont like me to do that ) and I did and we found out he owes $7500 at an average of 35% APR !
Im afraid he's gonna yell at me for telling his dad, but Im scared ! Im afraid we're not gonna make it financially ! Even though my husband told me "dont worry , I got this handled. Dont tell my parents " because he owes MORE than he told me about and its growing !!!
Any words of advice ?
2007-12-29 09:39:31 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
are you his wife or his secretary? sweeite a man who screws up his life and hides it from you and then makes it worse and continues to hide if drom you has NO RIGHT to be upset with you for trying to help him.
my advice: divorce him before he ruins your life and finances too. he's obviously a liar and an idiot.
2007-12-29 09:47:48 · answer #1 · answered by Sucre 3 · 7⤊ 0⤋
yes, stand up to him and tell him you have every right to know where you stand financially and where that money went, get an answer. Tell him this is your life and marriage too, and that you don't intend to spend it fighting him and creditors too. Tell him he needs to be open and honest with you. Ask how he intends to pay this off. Tell him that he has absolutely no right to raise his voice to you, that you need some help to get through to him, before finances and dishonesty destroy this relationship. Start to clear and distance your name and responsibilities for this and further debt. Your husband has a problem, find out what it is. It will not go away, slow down or stop, neither you, his dad or anyone but he, can do it. And if you need to, let him know you will not live like that.
2007-12-29 18:27:24 · answer #2 · answered by ferochira 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
To tell you the truth - your husband can't handle credit. It happens. Try to get a loan to clear the debts, with direct withdrawal as the preferred method of payment, and make it clear to him that if he gets another card you will not accept that.
And find out why and where that money went. It could be that he has "expenses" that he doesn't want you aware of - that could be another woman, gambling addition, drugs, etc. But you do have the right to know as you will be sharing the responsibility of clearing those debts.
2007-12-29 17:54:35 · answer #3 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, obviously, he doesn't have it handled.
Your father-in-law is going to talk to him, so you might as well tell hubby yourself. But he obviously has some growing up to do.
And, if anybody has a right to be angry, it's you. He's lied to you about his debt that you are obligated to pay, he didn't tell you about his spending habits, he didn't tell y ou about maxing out his cards or his cash advance. So he's put you in a very difficult financial bind.
So take the offensive here, get your in-laws help and cut up the credit cards before he bankrupts you both.
2007-12-29 17:45:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Quite honestly, he probably will yell at you. He'll probably be incredibly pissed off and say things you would not believe.
But ~ you didn't do anything wrong. Your husband needs help and it's better to get someone he respects and who also knows how to help him, and in those circumstances, there's no one better than his Dad.
I wish I had seen all the warning signs (hiding the bills, transferring balances, payday cash loans). I wish I had heeded the creditor phone calls (he told me to ignore them). I wish I hadn't tried so hard to be a "respectful wife" and had turned to someone for help before finding out hubby had dug us into about $42,000 worth of debt. It destroyed our marriage. I'd hate to see that happen to anyone else.
Good Luck!!
2007-12-29 17:59:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is a moron for use of a nice word! He doesn't have everything under control or he wouldnt have had these large amounts of money owed to everyone! Just make sure your name is not on any of those cards in any way! If he gets mad at you for telling his father tell him to shut it because you where scared and worried and if he hadn't done that then you wouldnt have had to tell his father!
You have have to check into Bankrupcy and file that to get out from under these bills! Good Luck
2007-12-29 17:51:04 · answer #6 · answered by evil_fallen_angel41 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would say that you probably should have not told his parents...at least with the timing you did.
Perhaps you should have spoke to him first before talking to his Dad.
Both of you are together and partners so you should both always be the first point of contact with any family or relationship matters...then as a couple if you chose to reach out you need to do it as a team. Especailly with finances it is a pretty personal thing.
It is always great to have a family you can turn to and talk to (our parents have alot more wisdom then we care to admit) but you should have talked to him first.
You did it with goodness so I hope your husband sees it that way too.
Jade
2007-12-29 18:50:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is an idiot. Please be SURE that your name is not on those cards in any way, shape, or form.
Your husband needs to face up to the mess he has made, and has NO RIGHT to be angry at you whatsoever, so grow a spine and stand up to him. What he has done is WRONG, and he needs to face it like a man.
This needs to be taken care of, and fast, and if his dad can do it, fine. And then your husband's lack of responsibility needs to be addressed and taken care of PERMANENTLY. If he cannot do it, then he needs to go into credit counselling and maybe even therapy for his problem.
Don't be afraid, you have EVERY right to put a stop to this and not be afraid of his reaction. Point out to him that he is WRONG, what he is doing is WRONG, and not only do you have the right to be angry about it, HE has no right to be angry at YOU for trying to stop it.
2007-12-29 17:47:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all your husband seems like a jerk.You did nothing wrong here. I would of done the same thing especially if my husband don't want me to look at the statements. What is he hiding? You need to confront him and don't be scared. You shouldn't be. You have every right to be concerned. Dear Lord, Your his wife.
Get rid of the cards. It's obvious your husband can't handle it and plsu all it does is create problems
2007-12-29 17:48:15 · answer #9 · answered by conny 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The red flag that I get raised.. is why doesn't he like you going through his statements? Invasion of privacy??? You guys are married and it's your business too! Talk to your husband and tell him why you are afraid, if he can't handle the heat, get out... becuase he may be hiding something anyways.
2007-12-29 18:05:42 · answer #10 · answered by Corgis4Life 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Close out the accounts. If you end up getting a divorce, you will be responsible for half of the debt whether it was yours or not. GOOD LUCK
2007-12-29 17:52:02 · answer #11 · answered by Dani Bosco 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋