How do I change so I do not keep offened others?

Question

Ok heres the thing. I love to ask questions I think of the craziest questions i love to learn I love to debate and when someone else is asking or giving and answer I debate or I come up with a reason why there answer dose not work for me I just run the question to death. and at times this comes off to people that I think that I am always right or I think others are always wrong which is not true at all I just like to know and to know everything about it. this is how i learn so how can I change it so that I do not offend others?

True I could do that. But I think that I am mainly asking mysefl the question or debating with myself I just do it out loud so that when someone else talks about whatever it is I have another point to Analyze it myself. I dont know. maybe I am just crazy or maybe I am rude I dont know.

ok all good answers I guess. 1st of all though I always listen with my mouth shut and take into consideration what they have to say I like answers I love differnt peoples views and again I always listen and learn and I know that I am not In a classromm but is that a reason to stop learning should I dumb it all down for the rest of the people out there and most of the time I start very good converstations I get people to stop and think. I dont always debated everything I should have made myself clear on that. and I always have an open mind i think if someone is willing to ask the questions to learn instead of spouting there answer off and that is that show that they have an open mind.

I just want to know how to let the people know that the answer the have giving me is making me think and I am not saying they are wrong maybe just not 100% correct.

Answer 1

Perhaps it's not that you need to change your curiosity, you do not need to shut up or stop asking, per se; perhaps you simply need to be aware of how you're stating your answers and questions. It could be that you're coming off condescending because those people don't feel their view is validated or that you've even heard it. Small cues in that area aren't hard to add to your verbal repertoire and can greatly enhance your communication and the sense of constructive dialog you and your conversational partners receive from it. You aren't qualitatively altering your own behavior, but in small ways you're acknowledging more openly that you actually _do_ care about, and consider, the other person's input.

For example, "I think" and "I feel" help qualify that you are talking about something you yourself are experiencing or aware of. "That makes sense" or "I see what you mean" can further ensure that your partners feel as though they are participating with you, instead of against you. So would restating their own statements in your own words and seeking confirmation that you really do understand their position. For instance...

[them] "There's some kind of abuse going on there, probably."
[you] "So you don't think their relationship is healthy, right?"
[them] "Yeah, that's it." --or-- "Well, sort of (further elaboration)."

Even further, make sure you're honestly, truly interested in the exchange of ideas and not simply trying to be an orator. It maybe that you have a strong desire for academic exchanges, but the people you communicate with do not, causing an imbalance of goals. If your goal is actually in exploring the possibilities, take time to say so. "That's an interesting point. It brings to mind some other possibilities, so let me play 'Devil's Advocate' for a moment." Something as easy as that validates their point of view, states your intention to explore more things and sets a more exploratory tone, rather that letting them think that it's some kind of competition or battle.

These sorts of small indicators can do a lot. It also means you actually _are_ gathering more information. That said, there's some merit to simply pausing for time to reflect, allowing some empty space. Not every moment of an exchange need be filled with words; allow some room for your brain to process things and for them to do the same. A trick my friend uses to put people at ease about his own tendency to debate is to first say "OK... Now..." then pause a full five seconds (or longer) to organize his reply before continuing. It's remarkable how well this helps people converse with him during his intense exploration of ideas.

In the end, remember that we can perceive individual acts (including conversations with others) in two primary ways; CONstructive and DEstructive. R.D. Laing may have said it best in his book "Politics of Experience"¹ as so...

"Personal action can either open out possibilities of enriched experience or it can shut off possibilities. Personal action is either predominantly validating, confirming, encouraging, supportive, enhancing, or it is invalidating, denying, discouraging, undermining and constricting. It can be creative or destructive."

Just make sure your motives are actually on the positive end, the constructive side, and your conversational partners will likely find that they feel that way about it, too.

But that's me, I could be wrong.

Answer 2

It seems where you start beating the issue to death is where you're getting on people nerves. You're not in the classroom or in a debate. You should stop after the other person gives you an answer.

Answer 3

Learn to listen with your mouth shut and mind open. Hard lesson. Your mind will retain your questions, just be quiet. Listen. Remember their words. Then dazzle them, or remain silent with a smile, when they finish speaking. People who take turns speaking are not offensive at all. Buttinskies, nah.

Answer 4

Actually the primary matters that come to my brain are "Cathedral", and a portray by means of Monet, then stained glass. Then the Sistine Chapel and the superb paintings there, then the "Last Supper" (that is unusual 'intent of path that is no longer had been it's and it used to be painted by means of DaVinci and no longer Michelangelo). The I consider of all the "DaVinci Code" stuff. Then deficient Michelangelo doing all of that paintings, no longer fairly short of to do it, mendacity on his again on a scaffold for hours and hours. Not very devout, however that is what involves my brain while I pay attention the phrase Catholic. That or "confession".

Answer 5

You have 2 ears and one mouth,
use them in that proportion.

Answer 6

ohh your one of those ehh?

yea me too :)


Maybe it would help if you pretended your talking face to face with your question asker ( you kind of are ).