Can You Help Me Understand Crossdressing?

Question

Im a gender girl whose in a relationship with a crossdresser (cd). He was upfront about his crossdressing after a few dates. I've only seen him dressed a couple of times because he's shy about it. We do have sex when he's dressed-up. He dresses a lot when alone and masturbates. I've discovered on my own that he belongs to dateacrossdresser.com. The sites pretty explicit with alot of crossdressers, some married, who want discrete sexual relationships. Since he hid this from me does this mean he's bisexual? Do most cd have bisexual tendencies? How does a cd feel when wearing women's clothes? Is it normal for a personality to change when dressed-up? Is it about the clothes or sex? I feel inadequate knowing he gets a special feeling from dressing up and sometimes jealous. Why can't I give him that same feeling? This is all new and confusing to me. I'm trying to be as understanding as possible but I'm having a hard time and my image of him as a man is changing.

Answer 1

You just need sit down with him & tell him what's on your mind & how you feel, be honest with him & ask him to be honest with you, then you can decide what the next stage of your relationship is going to be.


jk

Answer 2

You’ve asked a lot of very legitimate questions here and this is a good indication that you are a wise person who has the common sense to RESEARCH a subject before you form an opinion about it. For that, as well as staying with your boyfriend up to this point, I highly commend you.

Now, on to your questions. . . .

Q: Since he hid this from me does this mean he's bisexual?
A: Not by any means. It may come as a surprise to you, but 85% to 90% of all male crossdressers (I specified male since there ARE female crossdressers too) are completely heterosexual and have no desires to be anything else.

Q: Do most cd have bisexual tendencies?
A: See the answer to the first question.

Q: How does a cd feel when wearing women's clothes?
A: This is a question that can only be answered on an individual basis. For some it’s a means by which to relieve the stresses of everyday life. For others it is a temporary escape from reality. And for some it’s an outward expression of an inward feeling.

Q: Is it normal for a personality to change when dressed-up?
A: Most of the time there IS some degree of TEMPORARY personality change. Feminine characteristics are often mimicked, but seldom are these seen when the CD is in ‘male mode’.

Q: Is it about the clothes or sex?
A: For most, it is about the clothes. It is important to understand that the CD’s AGE has a lot to do with it. Younger crossdressers have a whole lot of hormones to deal with and at that point in their lives almost anything can relate to sex. The attraction to women that mother nature has given them is sometimes cited as one of the primary driving forces for the need to crossdress in the 10% of the population who are crossdressers. To experience what the crossdresser THINKS these females feel when they’ve gotten all dressed, made up, and looking beautiful is a NEED that can’t be satisfied other than to attempt to experience it for themselves.

Q: I feel inadequate knowing he gets a special feeling from dressing up and sometimes jealous. Why can't I give him that same feeling?
A: This is one of the biggest misconceptions about the CD. It has nothing to do with any perceived inadequacies on the part of the CD’s partner. It is easily understood why some partners might THINK that they aren’t adequate, but this is terribly erroneous.

This is all new and confusing to me. I'm trying to be as understanding as possible but I'm having a hard time and my image of him as a man is changing.

Comment: You may not realize it, and your boyfriend probably doesn’t either, but some of the very characteristics that you found attractive in him are direct results from his being a crossdresser. If it were possible to remove those traits from his overall personality, it is very possible that the resulting person would be far less attractive to you than he is now.

For more information that may be of benefit to you in understanding your boyfriend’s NEED to crossdress, please visit the web site indicated below.

Answer 3

As a man who loves to crossdress, I think I can give you some insight worth reading. The fact that he is on that website does not necessarily mean that he is bisexual. He might just be looking for other people that are accepting of his crossdressing. Most CDs are in fact STRAIGHT. The people who say they aren't, are a lot of the time, homophobic or extremely judgmental and don't have a clue what they are talking about.

For those who enjoy CDing, it's hard to explain the feeling it feels us. If I had a choice in the matter, I would decide NOT to be attracted to it because it's a lonely fetish and most people don't understand it. I have talked with a CD once who told me he did not know that he would enjoy CDing until he actually did it once and became hooked,

Don't feel bad that you can not give him the same excitement. It takes a special person to look beyond the clothes and be happy for the CD when they are dressed up. If in fact, you find out he is bisexual, it does not have to mean that he is any less a man. One additional note to think about, some of the most rugged, homophobic men can be the biggest losers in life. Ranging from closed-minded, abusive, self-centered, dominant and controlling, and basically no feeling or empathy for others in their life. CD's never impress me this way. My 2 cents. Hope this helps give you more insight and good luck!

Answer 4

Wow, you have certainly asked a lot of questions here. First I would like to commend you for staying with your boyfriend and trying so hard to understand. Many crossdresser's become sexually aroused during dressing. They masturbate and after sexual release they will feel guilty. Sometimes crossdresser's want validation and acceptance of themselves as a woman and the best way to gain that is through attention from a male. A smaller number of crossdresser's use woman's clothes to relieve the anxiety they have because they truly feel that they are women trapped in men's bodies. These men have anxiety and guilt because Transsexual's are not accepted by society. They may be married and have children, they may have chosen career's that are particularly masculine, in other words it would be very difficult for them to transition.

You should try to get your boyfriend to open up to you about his/her feelings. He may or may not want to make love to you while dressed. Give him as much support, understanding and acceptance as possible. He would not have told you about this unless he cared very much and trusted you with this secret. There are many sources on the Internet regarding this. You can find them by typing transgender or transsexual into Google or some other search engine.

Answer 5

Most crossdressers are straight. He may just have joined the group to be able to talk to others like him self and isnt looking to date some one else. Why dont u talk to him bout it and see. The best way to keep a relationship alive is communication. If u dont talk to him this will only eat at u till it ruins ur relationship. good luck :)

Answer 6

Crossdressing is a sexual fetish. It has nothing to do with you or your ability to satisfy him. Most crossdressers swear they are heterosexual but more than 80% of the fantasy literature (using the term very loosely) has an element of sexual contact with men and the ones that infest chat rooms certainly confirm that. That your "boy" friend is part of one of the dating group means he is definitely bi-curious and those groups encourage them to try.....often meeting another crossdresser.

If you want to stay with him you will need to set strict limits on his crossdressing with you or it will quickly get out of hand. One theory is that when he gets dressed up and still virile it's a perverse confirmation of manhood.

Answer 7

Well I think that what happens is that your friend is bisexual and loves the exhibitionism, I too would like exhibirme and I am bisexual, I think this is within the norm. Do not worry.

Answer 8

A man who enjoys being dressed up as a woman.

Answer 9

Do you really need this drama? Isn't there some regular dude around who will date you? Just find some other guy and forget it.

Answer 10

ummm..it's hard to have an image of man most likely because he isn't one!