When couples begin to fall in love, is it normal for Conflict and Power Struggles to play into the equation.??

Question

I noticed that as me and my boyfriend's love started to grow and develop, we started arguing alot. We are normally happily in love one week, and not speaking the next....but we still love each other, and are growing closer...
Is this normal or a warning sign..??
Does this ever happen before couples get married, and does it continue..??

Answer 1

I think it's natural to have conflict as you become closer because you deal with more sensitive issues.

They will continue to arise long after marriage. But how you deal with them is the true mark of your relationship.

However, power struggles should not be occurring because you are supposed to be working as "one" towards the same goals. Trying to dominate to get your way doesn't make sense in this case.

Note: If one's goal excludes the other's, an agreement has to be made as to a new goal (eg He wants kids and you don't).

Answer 2

If those arguments are approximately differences in opinion, argument can normally be very healthy. If there is not any loss of love by utilizing the time the argument is accomplished, you have the two discovered some thing. despite the fact that, this could not be a license to verbally abuse somebody. Argument for no reason different than affirming administration over somebody is abuse. this occurs very lots in the previous and after an mind-blowing style of powerful marriages. Human character is diverse, exciting, and phenomenological: in basic terms you could tell once you're in an abusive dating or no longer.

Answer 3

I don't answer tons of these, but maybe this will help:

These things that you are describing, say not only a lot about you, and him, and but mostly about our public educational system.

We in the public schools turn your guys out with zero in the way of life skills... we don't teach you how to shop for an appropriate spouse, we don't teach you how to solve your differences without resentment and rage....(look!!!!! you guys are arguing, not speaking, and acting like two screaming three year olds), we don't teach you how difficult it is to parent, ( we don't even let you know that children are divisive in a relationship, not bonding, and we as well give you the idea, "Oh, isn't it sooooo nice, we're going to have a bayyyybeee" and it isn't. It's hard work, and a change forever in your marriage/relationship).

We in public education teach you nothing in how to have a lovely, loving marriage. (We teach you English, algebra and science, but no life skills. We barely teach you how to budget money, and balance a check book..... And as a teacher, my very deepest apologies... we have, and are, failing you, any future husband and children you may have, any marriage you will have. And for that I am so, so, so sorry.

Few courses in hs are in communication, so you know little how to get your issues on the table without trouncing on each other's egos...that's why you guys are having power-plays, and you aren't speaking to each other one week to the next. So far, your relationship is a roller coaster, isn't it???

Is this kind of thing common? Sure. (One reason for this country's high divorce rate... 50% of all marriages fail!!!) Will it continue after you and he may marry... Oh, god, hon, if it is bad now, you and he won't survive 2 years. And if you have a child in there somewhere, it's over.

So, what do you do? Well, sweetie, these are the four things my mom began hammering into my head when I was 13. And because of them, got to see the traps before walking into them.

1. The most important decision you will ever make is who you marry. Choose with your head as well as your heart.
2. Have no children until your bond is strong, and have no more than you yourself can support. You may just have to
3. At any and all costs finish your education to qualify for those high paying jobs. It is likely that you will work sometime during your marriage, probably for decades…. Get paid for it. And remember, your kids and your education are forever…. Husbands, lovers and promises are not!!
4. Have a stash of cash no one knows about even if you are sure you will never need it. You absolutely will, and the more the better.

And what do you do now? In your place, I'd get into a few sessions of counseling to learn the language of being assertive, with out insult... There is a ton of difference between, "Goddamn it George, you and the guys always want to go out, and I know we aren't married, but, sh ( it ) I for sure hate it when I get left out of your picture." and , "Gee, George, do you think we can plan a week or so ahead so that you and your guy friends can go have a great time, I can call up Sarah, and plan to see a movie and have lunch?"

In the first it's all his fault, in the second, you are claiming ownership of the problem as well as wishing to be part of the solution.... and it is a skill we never teach you, so you walk out into the real world, and into a relationship, and if your parents didn't know how to negotiate, you won't either.... it isn't something that downloads like a song!!!!
One session in counseling.... probably $80, will be the best money you will ever spend. And if you and he are ever going to get serious, take him too. There is nothing wrong with admitting you can learn something. In any event, go yourself.... invest in yourself. It is our fault that we did not teach you communication, but it is YOU fault if you remain ignorant of the skill. You have tons to learn.. take some paper, and take notes. The language you will learn will help you in your relationship --- this one or any--- with your career, and with any human interaction...

Hope this helps

Answer 4

It can be a red flag if you and your husband can not come to a agreement on anything now, then it might not work between the two of you. There are always going to be issues in a relationship, but the both of you must communicate with each other. Follow your heart, deep down inside you know what you want, don't play your self, and pay for it later.

Answer 5

The power struggle continues until the relationship matures enough to realize you're both on the same side and you decide to not combat each other on conflicting issues.

For some, it just never ends. You settle in and hold your ground. It's quite awful to watch, people hate each other and won't admit it.

Answer 6

my mother has always told me that it takes at least 3mths for a person's true self to show. i have found that very true throughout life.
how long have you been with him? need to get to know him better if you haven't known him very long. love is a wonderful feeling but you want to make sure you are in love and not just loving what you are in.

also depends on if you want to work through it or say to heck with it.
what can you tolerate?

Answer 7

It's only bad if you can't find a way to rectify your differences

That's the key to a good relationship.....finding a compromise that you can both live with.

Then.....less arguments.

Answer 8

hmmm if your arguments lead to learning about one another, draw you closer and intuitive of each other then i would say yes. a good couple grows together and allows and encourages individual growth. peace

Answer 9

It is a warning sign. It will only get worse after marriage.

Answer 10

if things are really going well....what can you possibly have to argue about.