How can I trust women more ??

Question

One of my personal goals for next year is trust women more. Here's the deal:
For some reason if a woman does something nice for me, or says something nice about me, in the back of my mind, I'm asking myself "what does she want"? I realize this is all in my head probably, but I've watched over the last few months with the females I do know, they have time for me when they want/need something from me. I was brought up to help my friends no matter what time of the day/night, and I always will. I'm just a plain average guy (looks, income, possessions, etc), and a single parent 24/7, so my encounters with women are very few. When I say "hi" or "how was your day"?? etc,,,they don't have time. But when they need something, they're around a lot more than I can count. I'm even at the stage when a female friend says "hi", I ask her what she wants. I know this isn't right, but how can I overcome this if the only time I see them is when they need something.

How can I trust more?

Sorry, since I ran out of characters in my original question and after reading some of the answers,,,I do want to mention that I am not in a relationship with any of these women that I referred to. Just friends. All of the ones I do know, know I have a child.

Answer 1

I can understand how you feel. I had a hard time trusting guys. I just told myself, trust them until they give me reason not to trust. I am a friendly person and I am outgoing. I don't mean I need something when I say hello to someone.

Trust that when the right woman comes along, it will work out no matter what. If you have women who only come around when they need something, tell them how you feel about them doing that. You will quickly weed out those who are really true friends or not.

Not all women want something when they say Hi. You simply just have to trust that.

I finally have gotten over my insecurities and I have a true and honest boyfriend whom I would never trade for anything or anyone. I had to learn to trust that he didn't just want one thing. We were friends for 2 years before dating. I even told him upfront if we went out to eat that I would pay for mine and he would pay for his because he wasn't getting anything in return. He laughs about it now. He said he honestly didn't think that at all and I believe him.

There will be someone out there for you who doesn't want those other things that other women you meet do. If you don't want to do something for them, it is okay to say No. Have faith and don't forget to pray and let God handle some of the stuff that you have on your shoulders. Ask him to help you out. God Bless you and Have a Happy New Year.

Answer 2

I understand what you are saying and I am a female. I have had friends that do the same thing to me on numerous times and I am not so trusting anymore. Sounds to me that you are getting used. Yes it great when we are nice and always there for those around you but sometimes you have to draw the line. I had 2 best friends that I thought of as sisters. They are no longer in my life because I found that whenever they needed something I was the first to call but if I had a problem or just wanted some casual convo they were always to busy so I decided to see how long it would take for them to call me if I didnt call them to say hi. 1 of them has not called me at all and the other called me after 6 mos and asked if I could start watching her daughter for free. I finally for once got a back bone and told her exactly how I felt and I have not heard from her since. You will trust more when you find someone to trust. Trust takes time. I have 1 other best friend that I have been friends with for 16 years. She is always there for me even during the times we didnt talk for whatever reason. Our friendship has grown so much because I know I can trust her and she is not out to just use me. I hope you find friends like that. We woman can be caddy.

Answer 3

Well are you looking to date any of them? I don't understand why you don't trust them, or is it just that you feel used? I have a friend with a similar problem of letting women walk all over him basically. He just can't seem to help himself, if they need help with money, advice, getting picked up in the middle of the night, he's right there. He's gotten to the point though that he loses a lot of friends because he strings himself out to far and then feels upset like they aren't really his friends and just coming around get get what thye need something. So they fight and have this falling out. So I say you should choose to help your friends when you can help them, but not over do it. You have a kid to think about too. So I say just focus on you for a while, and help people when you want to help them. Also that will weed out the ones that are just busy honestly and the ones that are only gonna pop up when they need you. Good luck!

Answer 4

this is hard. I feel like asking the question "how can I trust guys more" also. People are suddenly there when they need something and usually for nothing else. I have to say, I think most people are like this and finding a woman who you can truly trust is rare. Keep an eye out, but trust people until they give you reason not to trust them. Once they cast the first seeds of doubt, then it's over.

Answer 5

Though not an expert i'd say that without trust a relationship is merley nothing. Without trust there is no room for your relationship to expand and grow. yes it may be difficult but it's necessary. On a first date try thinking of the woman as if you've been life long friends and have known eachother and have come to trust eachother. Don't be shy but try not to brig up heavy subjects like religion or politicts be funny but not too funny and listen to what she has to say! Eventually trust will come naturally. Good luck

Answer 6

Sounds like you've been with a woman before that you really loved & trusted. She probably took advantage of that & used you. This perhaps tainted your views about all women. Try to relax & know that every woman isn't out to get you. Do things that involve women on your own terms. If you don't want to help them, don't. If you don't wnat help from them, then don't accept untill you feel ready. Over time you will feel like you have more control when it comes to trusting women.

Answer 7

Start by being honest and genuine with them. Follow up by getting to know them without having an agenda. Listen to them without talking. Don't talk about yourself without being asked. Keep it simple. Finally, look hard at a prospective girlfriend's biases and motives. If you listen closely, she may comment on these issues. As an example, I once went on one date with a girl in college. We were standing in line for a Duran Duran concert in Seattle during the Seven and the Ragged Tiger Tour. She made the comment that she had to marry someone rich because she liked to shop. That comment effectively ended the date and dissolved any illusion I might have carried about the lady having any substance at all. The concert was great but that was our last date. I didn't even kiss her good night.

Answer 8

you have physiological problem! women that asking a favour or saying something nice to a man doesn't mean that they like something.being you as a single parent some women who knows you might think you are a loser and they just trying to cheer you up by asking or saying something good to you which is not really a big deal if you do it or not but for you to feel that you are important and needed. you think they only come to you when they need you no that's the only chance they have for you. trust but balance.
*look at the bright side majority of women are doing kind to animals.aren't they lovely ?

Answer 9

my opion is that you have to learn to say no. i mean it's ok to be nice and help your " friends" and i use that loosely, but not at the expense of being used. to me a friend will be there when they don't need something from you. there is a saying "
A friend in need is a friend indeed". Second you have to realize that all women are not like that there are some women who truly want nothing but friendship and not what you can do for them. so i suggest trying not to compare all women with the few that are not true women in my opion

Answer 10

It really sucks when people only want to be around you because they need your help. I'm not sure how to help your trust issue I think that is something you have to do on your own. The only thing I can think of is maybe you need better friends or at least expand your social scene. I hope everything gets better for you.