i'm thinking divorce...?

Question

I'm thinking and have been thinking about getting a divorce from my husband i was originally going to leave come the end of summer both of my girls would be in school and i would be able to support my children better then i could now, however, now i have a problem i'm pregnant again, it's my husbands i thought maybe this is god's blessing for us to save our marriage but ever since he found out he has been ignoring me and my girls and constantly wanting to hang out with his friend, who just seems to be his best buddy all of a sudden when he couldn't even stand him, he has to do get drunk with him every weekend instead of spending time with us, i know i'm not much fun right now with morning sickness and being tired, but i think he should be here at home with us not out every weekend with his friend, he doesn't even come home. I know i'm more emotional right now, but i'm scared to leave now not that it was going to be easy before but now with a newborn coming in the summer i'm scared?

Just to let you all know i know i should have been more careful about getting pregnant but he also knew what he was doing so i didn't do this all alone but i think he should be more responsible with his family. Friends and family say that if i try to tell him to not go out that he'll just feel controled and do it anyways so what more can i do but sit here sick and pregnant and take it. I know i should have known better, But i do love him.

Answer 1

Talk to a professional counselor. Fear never resolved any situation. You have more strength than you know.

Answer 2

Good grief. Why did you let yourself get pregnant if you knew the marriage was bad and you wanted out? A baby NEVER saves a marriage and now you've made a bigger mess for yourself and your kids. Is there anything that can be saved in your relationship? Can you try counseling? If you still feel you need to leave then you should leave and he's going to have to take financial responsibility for the kids. You have to think about what is right for you and for your children. Good luck, I hope you have a strong support network of family and friends who can help out a bit.

Answer 3

I had a very similar situation. I left my husband on a Wednesday. My 2 small children and I moved in with my parents. On that Saturday I found out I was pregnant. He still wanted a divorce, but I begged him to stay together until our daughter was born.
We were seperated for 2 years but eventually reconciled. He never forgave me for leaving him and he refused counseling time after time. We finally divorced when my youngest was 11.
We have been divorced for 2 years now and I can't begin to tell you what a relief it was for me when we finally gave up.
I'm glad we fought it out for as long as we did for the kids' sake though.
I don't know what to tell you to do. I put up with things from him that I will never put up with again. It was very difficult, but there were good times too and my children had that many more years in an intact home (we really didn't fight very often).
I truly hope you can both get some marriage counseling. Miracles can happen if you're BOTH willing to try.
Good luck and God bless.

Answer 4

You was thinking about a divorce, and that means that he is probably just as unhappy being married also.
You actually took the chance of having unprotected sex with him, and you want to know why he is acting the way he is. He feels like you have tried to trap him in some way, and he resents you even more.
You should have never allowed for the chance of getting pregnant. I think that you need to rethink a lot in life, and now that there is yet another child being brought into this world, you have to try to fix things between you and the husband, and you both need counseling. Make sure he gets the booze out of the house and out of your lives.

Answer 5

OMG, I swear this is the same thing that happened to me. My husband and I separated and got back together after 6 months. I got pregnant with our 2cnd child immediately. He drank with his loser friends and would not come home some nights my whole pregnancy (this is why we split in the first place) The week I came home the hospital with our son he went out 2 times. Let me tell you that he is not happy and will not change. We are separated once again! ithought the joy of our children would fix him, well it did not. I am sooooo sorry to hear you are going through this as I have been there and it really hurts. I am still hurting from this. Please keep yourself healthy and know that you always have your children to keep you happy. Do you want your children growing up thinking that this is how marriage should be?? I never want my daughter to think it is ok for her husband to go out drinking and not come home. Keep you chin up and take care

Answer 6

Have you tried talking to him and telling him how you feel? And i don`t mean when you`re in the middle of a fight, but when things are peaceful in the right spirit! The Bible says to speak the truth IN LOVE! Find a quite time when everything`s good and tell him you miss him when he`s not there! Also, try sacrificing a little and try to think of ways the family can have some fun TOGETHER, movie nights or game nights or day trips somewhere or something! I know you don`t always feel good, but TRY! In your case,I don`t think divorce is the answer you want or are looking for!

Answer 7

I know this is scary, but you have to do what is best for you and your children. It will be hard, but you can do it. Seek the help of your family and friends and get rid of him, he is not worth the pain. I am wondering if he is really with a buddy or if he has found someone else, especially if he is not coming home to you. I know this is harsh, but that is my thought. He might be using the friend as an excuse for going out. Good luck to you Hun.

Answer 8

A child won't keep a marriage together, and to try just because you are pregnant is not going to work. He may feel resent towards you, thinking you may have tried to get pregnant to make it work. If you were really going to leave, pack yours and the childrens stuff up and go. Stressing about a man who may or may not still want to be with you is not the way to go while you are pregnant.

Answer 9

You have married a very immature man, and he will see your need for him and his help as "control". You should be able to depend on him to care for the children and prepare meals while you rest with the new pregnancy. That's what real husbands and fathers do. Do you see him stepping up for you and the children? Why have another one, then? O.K., you want it, but do you want to be married to a man that does not care for you or his children? You are the role model for your children. Do you want them to seek out this same type of relationship? You will need to search your soul about the new pregnancy, the marriage, and the message you are sending to your children.

Answer 10

I completely understand......be there done that...I still left my ex-husband after the baby was born. There are many programs out there that can help like Medicaid and other stuff...go to you local Department of Human Resources and ask. The stress of this is not going to help. If you need any other advice just ask. Good Luck....and unhappy marriage is unhealthy for the children (and u) anyways.

Answer 11

You won't be getting along any better when the new little one comes along. I think it's pretty dishonest to be with a guy you don't want and are planning on leaving him. Regardless of whether or not you're pregnant, it's deceitful to stay. There's a reason he isn't home - he doesn't like being around you. It sounds like you don't like him much either; you certainly don't respect him. Move out today or tell him you want him to leave. It doesn't sound like it will take much nudging to get him out the door.