Did i do the right thing by telling an old flame the truth?? We reconnected recently....?

Question

We've been sending messages from time to time. I seem to say alot more than he does. He is listed as single and was recently dumped. He knows i'm married. When we contacted each other, he seemed happy to hear from me and asked me how i was. But it seems that i say and ask more about him than he does of me, if that makes sense. So, i decided to tell him why i needed to stop contact with him because i'm married and was thinking about him and the fact that he doesn't really say too much when we do talk. Should i have told him the truth like that or should i have just stopped emailing him altogether? I actually feel better now that i told him how i felt . Was that the mature thing to do or did i just open a whole other can o worms by telling him ? Part of me still wants to keep in touch as friends but then i think what's the point. My husband is cool with me keeping in touch with old friends. But the fact that i dated this guy and started thinking about him makes me worry.

Answer 1

I commend you for taking a moment to stop, think and even ask for feedback. Obviously you want to make a good decision. The fact that you feel good about speaking this truth speaks volumes...but what was your motivation? Maybe the real question you want the answer to is: Are you starting to have feelings for him again? All I have to say is DANGER!!

Everyone comes into our lives (and in this case reenters our lives- thoughts included) for a reason. Many times we confuse these "coincidences" as romantic feelings and opportunities. Perhaps there is some other means for your reconnection (even if you initiated the reconnect)...

That said, you have put him in a position where he could justifiably pursue you, under the notion that you are romantically interested in him but the whole "marriage thing" is a breakable barrier holding you back. He's vulnerable and perhaps a little lonely. He could try and test your response just to see what will happen. DANGER!! After all, what does he have to lose? Not much, right? This may be the reason he's not had much to say; he doesn't have much going on and has just been listening to see how far you will take it.

Get grounded. You have a lot more to lose than he does. So far your husband sounds like a laid back understanding guy (count yourself blessed :))...perhaps it is with him you should be talking more about this?

Overall, you are at the crossroads of a potential DANGER zone. Don't be the frog simmering to a boil...Be blessed in your journey :)

Answer 2

I think maybe he wasn't saying very much to you in communication (although happy to reconnect with you) BECAUSE you are married and also because he just got out of a relationship. Sometimes, numbness interferes with having anything intelligent or interesting to say.

That being said, it may be best that communication be severed or at least limited now before problems develop later. I don't think it's a good idea, no matter how accepting your husband is, to keep in close contact with exes. It doesn't take an actual fling to cause hurt feelings--only the suspicion. If you're "thinking about him," the seed has been planted--don't water it too much by keeping in close contact with him.

Answer 3

It seems like you are doing most of the communicating here and he is just being nice in replying to you. If he isn't writing as much, then maybe you are the one who wants to pursue a relationship and this guy was just happy hearing from you once.

If I were you, I'd stop the contact altogether. If you love your husband, then stop before things get out of hand. This is how affairs start (trust me, I've been there).

If your husband is fine with you connecting with old friends and old boyfriends, then that's okay, but ask yourself this question first: are you writing things to this man that you would be uncomfortable if your husband read? If so, then you need to cut off all contact with this guy if you value your marriage.

Answer 4

You made the right call!

Talking with an old flame once your married to another is totally wrong. Nothing good ever comes of this.

Answer 5

Since you are married, good that you stopped your connection with him, or at least understand that it is inappropriate.

When we marry, our spouse has the right to expect not only sexual exclusiveness but emotional exclusiveness as well. And it is never healthy to dredge up old feelings, which really won't go anywhere anyway....(or at least ought not to).

Never do in your relationship to your husband that which you would not like done to you.

Helpful?

Answer 6

You did the right thing if your keeping in touch with him was affecting you emotionally it was good you told him and let it go. However what bothers me is you said another reason you let it go was because you felt like you talked and communicated more than he did....hmmm ask yourself were you dissapointed because you did not get the feedback you wanted from this man or were you really trying to do waht was right for your marriage? i am not trying to judge you i just want you to think about it on work on that.cheers

Answer 7

Honey-child
Just leave dat alone.
Now you KNOW you know better than to be doin stuff like dat.
A man MARRIED you!
Was it done just to make Ex jealous??
You're playin wit fire.
Don't think about Ex.
Think about havin some kids.

Answer 8

Touchy subject, I recently met my girlfriends ex, the only reason I didn't feel jealous, is cause she really didn't like the guy. Now, my girlfriend and my ex, I can't say they get a long at all. Like I said, its a touchy subject, depends who you are as person.

Answer 9

You did what was right for you which was the right thing.....Good for you. You love your hubby and knew you were headed down the wrong road. Good luck and many happy years with your hubby......

Answer 10

you did the right thing. if you keep talking to him even with the intent of only talking ,this could put you in a bad spot with your man.